oh Lord! you do love me! i got this from the yahoo group account of my block! ahhh! Bea! you're an angel! uh oh, fan girl alert!

Concert sa UP Manila Paz Mendoza Parking Lot
Pedro Gil Street, Ermita, Manila
sa March 1, 2005 (Tuesday).

Performers are
SANDWICH,
SUGARFREE,
URBANDUB,
STONEFREE,
TYPECAST,
HALE.

Tickets are sold at P250 each
may kasama nang CD!

You can choose among the following:
Full Volume Compilation Album,
As the Music Plays by Bamboo
or Dramachine by Sugarfree.

yahooo!!!! March 1 na 'to! :)

i don't know if outsiders are allowed, though but the last time they held a concert at Paz Mendoza, outsiders were allowed! Apol, Van, Mitchie, Pie... game kayo? ako game!

i just hope that no exams or anything related to school work would coincide with the concert. it would kill me. it seems like these days i have nothing profound to say. fan girl syndrome, along with my migraine, attack frequently these days. but my sunday morning started out right. erm, i think should say "sunday noon" because i woke up a quarter to 12pm. yes, i'm a dork that way on weekends. i don't know why i overslept that long. oh yeah! i stayed up all night downloading songs and watching tv. i got to watch "Starting Over" and my favorite batch of all Starting Over people have graduated. *tears*. haha. i like the show! so what?

anyway, today i realized that amidst all the hoopla that life can throw on your face and no matter how broken you may feel for a long while, you'd get to pick up the pieces and glue them back together. the concoction to happiness is like this: it's like sand. life is like sand with pebbles and stones mixed wtih it. all you have to do is sift it and separate the finest grains of sand from the pebbles and stones. after sifting, you'd notice only the purest of sand would be left out. life is that way, i guess. you have to sift the bad days from the good days and you'll notice how much more pure sand there are than pebbles and stones.

okay i change my mind. there's nothing much to do here anyway. so far i've taken a nap, sound tripped, watched my old dvds of FRIENDS and made pancakes for dinner. i'm so digging Sugarfree's Dramachine album. thank goodness for them i'm still sane on a boring saturday night.

this is one of my favorites:

Tulog Na
Sugarfree

Tulog na mahal ko
Hayaan na muna natin ang mundong ito
halika na tulog na tayo
Tulog na mahal ko`wag kang lumuha malambot ang iyong kama saka na mamrublema

Tulog na hayaan na muna natin sila
Mamaya hindi ka na nila kaya pang saktan
Matulog, tulog ka na

Tulog na mahal ko nandito lang akong bahala sa iyo
Sige na tulog na muna
Tulog na mahal ko at bukas ngingiti ka sa wakas at sabay harapin ang mundo

Tulog na hayaan na muna natin sila
Mamaya hindi ka na nila kaya pang saktan
Matulog, tulog ka na

imagine someone singing that to you! that would make me melt like a cube of ice on a hot summer's day! sigh. so what if i'm a hopeless romantic? the Eraserheads Anthology album is also taking me on a high. whee! okay bye! i'm going to enjoy sountripping. it's so much fun to be lazy!!! (minus the consequences).

right now i'm downloading:
Jeepney, Spongecola
Sige, 6 Cycle Mind
Sulat, Moonstar 88
Crazy for You, Spongecola

yipee! music is like chickensoup for the soul. it's like caffeine, it takes me on a high. it's like a drug that sedates me when i'm feeling moody or angst-ridden. it's like hot chocolate. it makes me feel good inside.

new lay-out. i got bored this morning and decided to whip out an Emily the Strange layout (again) from a wallpaper. i like her, so what?

anyway, my mom broke the saddest news ever. her best friend (from way back in college) was diagnosed with breast cancer. please pray for tita Baby. her daughter is too young to lose a mother too soon, she's only 11 years old. i got teary eyed when i let the news sink in. she's going in for surgery next week. i hope everything goes well.

nothing significant to rant about. i have the headache again so i'm going to watch tv now (like it's going to help take the headache away).

have a great weekend!

...after mong magbigay ng samut saring jokes, ay hindi ko mapigilan ang aking luha sa pagtulo patungkol sa istorya ng iyong pamilya dahil naiintindihan ko ang mga iyon...

haha! van's testimonial for me! looks like professor navarro's getting to her! aba, direstsuhin ba naman ako ng tagalog! haha!

laugh trip kanina. we were at McDonald's after practice for our SOSCI120 class. we talked about a lot of funny things and Paolo spotted a Survivor look alike! haha! we were laughing our asses off but got really scared after realizing that he might notice us and get angry at us for staring. then i shared with them the senti moments of my family and i and this sob story about someone i know. basta, sobrang senti. then Van got really teary eyed and it just balanced the whole thing-- too much laugh then too much sentimentality. haha :P we also talked about how our families mean a lot to us, how much we value them and how much it would hurt to see our parents grow really old.

apple: gusto ko nga mauna ako sa kanila eh, di ko kaya kung sila mauuna sa akin.

er, okay. lets not go there. but yeah, we talked about how much we loved our families. i wonder what triggered the shifting of topics from laugh trip to family? oh yeah, hehe that sob story. but anyway, i think we should all take the time off and really appreciate our families. they're our life support system. without them we're like a bird with a broken wing. agree? well, you should. :) no matter how crazy they make us sometimes and no matter how much disagreements we have with them, we just can't live without them.

then also in the afternoon at school...

paolo: sino pwede maging Darna?

and my blockmates had to play a sick joke on me by pursuading me to be Darna! NO FREAKING WAY! i did my best to get out of the horror: bribed my blockmates, pleaded, and protested like a mad woman! haha! :) good thing they settled for Zandra. eck. gail? in Darna costume? eeeew!

how did i bribe them?

me: PROMISE! LIBRE KO KAYO NG ISANG BOX NG PIZZA SA YELLOW CAB OR GO NUTS PAG DI NIYO AKO BINOTO!

all: yey! boto na si Lariz!

kumagat naman! but seriously, i'd really stick to my word if they still stuck to the plan of making me Darna. horrible, horrible.

hahaha! man! i love my blockmates. my insides hurt and my cheeks were so sore from laughing all day.

i'm officially going to Puerto Princesa in Palawan on the first week of March! yey! Apple, Van, and I got plane tickets today. whopee! at first i thought my father wasn't going to allow me. when i first talked to my mother she talked about how unsafe it would be and all. then she said she'd have to talk with my father first. 30 minutes later my dad texted and said i could go. so yey!

mind you, the trip isn't just for the fun of it. two weeks ago our history professor Dr. Celestina Boncan shared with us that she was going on a Palawan trip because she was invited to a conference there for two days. then she said we could go with her if we want to because the Commission on Higher Education issued a memorandum on the conference. then bam! we got tickets! yay! we'll leave on March 3 and fly back to Manila on March 7. i hope this would be productive trip (meaning both FUN and EDUCATIONAL).

i feel really lazy today (nothing new). i have another quiz for AS121 and two more reports. talk about prolonging the agony. those two reports were supposed to have taken place last monday. oh well! at least it's friday tomorrow and i think i'm going to see Electra with my sister in the evening.

time to hit the books!

i'm taking a break from studying for my ANTHRO123 (Indigenous People in the Philippines) exam. from downstairs, i came all the way up and straight to my bookshelf which is fondly my version of a "treasure box". only, it comes in a form of a shelf. my sister always tells me that my legacy would be my books. so anyway, i picked out Chickensoup for the Teenage Soul (the first book). then i decided to pick out a quote that i really liked as an adolescent. i found this:

you gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. you are able to say to yourself, "i lived through this horror. i can take the next thing that comes along."
Eleanor Roosevelt

as a teenager, did you go through a Chicken Soup phase? that's what i call that phase. i remember when i was a freshman in high school, i was everything an adolescent was supposed to be: angst-ridden, insecure, angry, and everything else that fit the definition of a teenager. then one night there was this book bazaar at the Cultural Center in Abu Dhabi. my parents and i were browsing through books when i saw a set of Chicken Soup books on the shelf. i immediately grabbed one and begged my father to buy it for me. he got it (probably because he knew that it was a psychology self-help book that would guide his youngest teenager daughter live through her angst-ridden phase). from then on, i got hooked because it was like a set of rules that a teenager should learn while undergoing "the phase". it became my friend when i needed help on things. i could always confide on the essays written by angst-ridden teenagers like me. they were confused too and they were full of life and dreams just like i was. from then on i collected all the editions ranging from books I to III. then my uncle got me the Chickensoup for the Christian Soul (which really helped a lot too!) and my parents got me the Chicken Soup Journal.

it pretty much sums up the Chicken Soup phase. the reason why i got hook was probably because i needed answers for the questions that were around me before i stepped into the semi-adulthood phase (which i am in now)-- not quite an adult but (almost) no longer a teenager either. it's like the crossroad to adulthood. i'm still standing in front of the fork in the road not knowing which way to take, still confused but much wiser than before.

i would suggest the book to be read by any other teenagers out there and i fervently pray that it would do them good like it did on me. it's a book that you can always read again and again if you feel the need to do so. just like what i did a while ago-- i took a few minutes off my time to read that quote up there to ease my heavy heart.

i couldn't think of a better name for the Chicken Soup series. it really is like chicken soup for the soul. it makes you feel better, all warm and fuzzy inside-- a security that you're safe and you'll be just fine, that you're not alone in the crazy jungle that we call "life".

erm, now back to my studying. i will drown myself in mugs of coffee tonight. it's already past 9pm and i'm just halfway!! ahhh!

*breath in, breath out* (repeat 20 times)

okay bye!

i miss Abu Dhabi-- the humid summer days when my sister and i would stay up all night giggling, gossiping, talking, or watching tv until the wee hours of the morning. i miss the way i had to sneak in an ungodly hour so that i could use the internet and chat with random people without my parents catching me.

i miss the way i used to live five minutes away from the beach where my friends and i would hang out on weekends... when our gimmick for a saturday night was dinner at Burger King and a stroll at the beach afterwards. we would play Truth or Dare and torment the guys until we've squeezed every little secret they had. on the walk back to downtown Hamdan (where i lived), we would drop by Baskin Robbins every time-- a scoop of Very Berry Strawberry on a waffle cone would instantly make me high. i miss my bellyache laughter whenever i'm with my friends: Daivy, Jern, Jane, Raiza, Anna, Leigh, and the guys. they made me laugh so hard that i wouldn't be able to breathe. i remember a time right before Christmas when my friends and i went to a park near Corniche with pizza boxes from Shakey's. we were supposed to celebrate something (i no longer remember). i was all happy and i was skipping like a mad woman. there was this bush at the park and for some unexplicable reason, i decided to jump over it Olympic style. i didn't know that the grass was wet so i ended up on a semi-split after my sneakers landed on the wet grass which nearly tore the crotch of my jeans. it was hilarious. i looked up hoping that no one saw but to my horror jane was so red of laughing so hard. she saw everything. those were fun times.

then there were movie treats after quarterly exams. it was a ritual for our batch to watch a movie as a form of celebration after exam week. there was this time when we were late so the movie already started. the lights were off and we were trying our best to work our way around the theater. jern ended up tripping with a huge tub of popcorn flying high up on the air like confetti. we found her a few seconds later amidst our laughter on the floor with her hair on her face. i laughed so hard and as karma, i nearly tripped over with my popcorn but thank goodness i was able to balance myself. i had a lot of mortifying moments too where Winston started calling me Charlie's Angel. we used to try to trip each other along the hallways. one time he stuck his foot so high that i tripped and fell flat on my face with both arms stretched in front of me on the floor. i was walking with leigh and raiza on the way to the cafeteria. when they looked back, they were looking for me. they were puzzled because i was just at their backs a few moments ago. then they found me on the floor half laughing and half crying. yes, only i can do that. haha. it was embarassing but whenever i think about it, i laugh at it.

our batch was also the black sheep of the high school. the guys were really boisterous (and funny at the same time so you won't hate them but you'll love 'em). we had the school principal as a teacher for english in junior year. everytime she'd walk out of the classroom each time she gets mad, darwin would hold up his hand and would start counting: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. true enough! the principal would walk back in and resume the lesson. haha! then there was this one time when Jie slammed the door and the principal was about to walk into the classroom. the door hit her nose and she got so mad at Jie. ahh! that was hilarious.

we also had a teacher who would pronounce the "P" in words as "F". she'd say, "Pamily Flanning" (family planning) and it killed the whole class. we'd try to suppress our laughters but to no avail. we'd end up laughing like madmen anyway.

i won't forget my Arabic teacher Tr. Eman who hated me when i first moved to the school because i was too lazy to memorize the arabic alphabets. then in sophomore year i was motivated to learn and started acing my dictation quizzes in Arabic. a few years later after taking my last final exam with her, she said to me "why do all the good ones have to go? at first you were lazy. now you're very good." that just made me smile so wide. i was glad that i got to the good side of her and she saw the good side of me!

those were fun times. there are a lot more memories but i'm afraid you'd scroll for eternity if i'd go back and pick up those fragments of the past one by one. i'm glad i went to the UAE for high school. when my dad announced that were going to move there, i was more than ecstatic because i knew that the sunny side Emirates wasn't just desert. thanks to Star Travel on cable ;)

i miss the shopping in Dubai. the family trips we'd take almost every weekend. we'd drive to Dubai on Saturday morning and it was the best bonding time for my family and i. my dad would share his corny jokes and my mom would nag him on his driving. she'd tell him that he's going too fast on the freeway even though my dad's driving wasn't that fast. that made me really happy, the quality time with my family. on late night drives back home, i'd look out the window and see nothing but the desert and i'd smile. i knew i was lucky that i got to live a few years of my life in a place that i called "home" for three years.

that's why it really broke my heart when i found out that i wasn't going to graduate with my high school friends, the people that i really loved and spent the most memorable times in high school with. i had to move back for senior year so that i could prepare for college along with my sister who graduated from high school.

but almost all of us are home now. we're just busy with our school stuff but i really want to see them again MORE THAN EVER.

to you guys: YOU'RE THE BEST!!! I LOVE YOU :) Daivy, Mac, and Roseline... we hope one of these days you guys would be able to join us when we go out so come home already! :)
____________________________

one of the best feelings in the world is to come home to a small pup jumping up and down as she greets me from school. she'd run around like a dog induced with caffeine (she's that hyper!) and would also follow me EVERYWHERE i go while i walk around the house. she's getting bigger (and more playful) and she's getting hairier too! haha! but she smells like shampoo all the time which is why i like playing with her and holding her. she loves it too!

had our first practice for the presentation for DSS (Department of Social Science) week today. it was fun. took loads of pictures for the scrapbook. here are a few:

no class tomorrow. ANTHRO123 exam on thursday. review tomorrow. exam wednesday. argh. here we go again. good night, folks!

remember that cheesey N'Sync boybandish song: "God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You"? yes, that long-ass titled song. i love that. i may deny to death that i used to listen to boybands but i will never deny my love for this song. heh :P

every once in a while we come across people who think the way we do and believe the things we believe in. it's a great feeling because it reminds us that we're not a freak afterall and we feel like shouting out loud "HEY! i'm not weird! see? he feels the same way too!". it's like a spiritual connection that's worth holding on to.

but of course you don't know this because i don't intend to let you know.

i am infatuated right now and the words perfectly fit you. if this song was written for one person, it would have been for you:

your love is like a river peaceful and deep/your soul is like a secret that i never could keep/when i look into your eyes i know that it's true/God must have spent a little more time on you

oh yes, He did. He made you see the world through a child's eyes. you have that passion to live, the passion to reach out to people, and the passion to understand why life is as it is. i wish people understood people like us more. others may call people like us "freaks", "unrealistic" or "annoyingly optimistic" but who cares? i know that behind the ridiculous comments of the so-called "realists" is an enviousness of your dynamic and free spirit.

keep living the way you are living and keep believing in the beliefs that you have firmly placed your faith on.

the world needs more people like you. lonely souls need more souls like you to touch theirs. keep flying high and doing what you do, you will go far. i can already see it.

it doesn't take a whole circus team to make me happy:

1. caffeine fix (iced white mocha)
2. white beaded necklaces for only P15 each!
3. a rainbow-colored knitted pouch for my cellphone
4. Rivermaya's Greatest Hits and Parokya Ni Edgar's Inuman Sessions CDs
5. phone call from my parents. they were at the Global Village in Dubai. ay! i was so jealous. i love the Global Village and the Dubai Shopping Festival. they have EVERYTHING ON SALE during DSF! the Global Village is so much fun too because traders from countries ALL OVER THE WORLD participate by putting up stalls in the bazaar! anyway, the rents finally have an exact day for their flight back home. valentine's day. wahoo! they have a surprise for meeee! my mom spilled the beans after a little prodding mwahaha ;) i can't wait! ayeeeee!

last night i went out with my sister and kuya John because i was bored at home. i was also craving for a caffeine fix so they picked me up around midnight and we went to eastwood to look around the tiangge and have coffee. although the coffee i ordered from Seattle's Best was really strong, i suprisingly fell asleep right after my head hit the pillow when i got home. weird.

left: my phone has a new home. it's now snuggled inside a rainbow knitted cellphone case. there's something about rainbow colors that makes me go crazy everytime i see rainbow-ish stuff! right: kuya John lent me his two cds because i he knows i like both bands: Parokya Ni Edgar (Inuman Sessions) and Rivermaya (Greatest Hits). i love both cd covers to pieces!


lookie! i also got 2 white beaded necklaces for only P15 each!
dumb and dumber, the female version.
*sings* magda-drive tayooo hanggang baguiooooo *sings*


camwhoring sa kotse. ayos!


*sings* magda-drive tayooo hanggang baguiooooo *sings*



on the way home... this is UP's entrance to the campus. i was fascinated by the lights that illuminated the supposed dark road. ganda!

what's on the playlist?
1. Eraserhead's Anthology discs 1 & 2
2. Rivermaya (Between the Stars and Waves & Greatest Hits)
3. Kitchie Nadal (her latest album)
4. Sugarfree (Dramachine)
5. Parokya ni Edgar (Inuman Sessions)
6. Bamboo (As The Music Plays)

i'm going to get:
1. Spongecola
2. Moonstar 88
3. Mayonnaise

next! :)

calling all bookworms out there (like me!) join the Livejournal community that i created. you can either:
1. talk about books
2. write book reviews
3. share opinions/thoughts/criticisms
4. share favorite book quotes
5. discuss
6. share your fave reads

and do basically everything that's related to books. hehe. it's kind of dorky but what the hell! it's gonna be fun. you have to have an LJ account, though.

The Bookworms United Book Club

there are days when you just don't feel like feeling. like this in particular. i feel angst-ridden and lazy to start the report i'm supposed to work on for my SOCSCI120 class (in which i can't even understand half of what TACITUS was saying in his article).

i don't know if it's the weather or the fact that i took a nap and woke up with a headache. over the past few days i've been floating through days like a zombie in a trancelike manner. some moments i'd catch myself laughing hysterically and actually enjoying the company of friends over iced coffee. other times i'd stare off to space and not hear a single word people are talking about.

yesterday was sort-of different from the past few days. took a breather by actually hanging out with my college buddies AJ and Simoun. AJ goes to UPD taking my dream course, Fine Arts major in Visual Communication. Simoun shifted to Organizational Communication still in UPM. i hardly see the two. after my NSTP class (yes, i'm still trying to finish my last nstp), i marched over to Robinson's Place. i realized that my tummy was grumbling because i haven't eaten anything. normally i'd hate to eat alone because there's no one to talk to. but yesterday i didn't mind being alone at all. i picked a table at the far side of the fastfood chain, plugged earphones to my ears, and watched people as i ate. simoun came afterwards. apple and i got confused on what the plan really was so she ended up not finding us at Robinson's Place. so in the end it was just AJ, Simoun, and i. Meet the Fockers was a pretty hilarious movie. i loved it.

after the movie AJ and Simoun walked with me to the place where i got a ride. it was chilly out and the wind was very soothing. it kind of made me forget stress for a while. Simoun talked about how "toxic" this academic school year was in which AJ and i both agreed. it's amazing how time flies by so fast. a few years ago we were wide-eyed freshies struggling to not look too freshielike as we make our away through the UPM crowd. now we're talking about future plans, graduation, and the like. it's kind of scary in a away. it made me think if we'd still be the same people we were in college after we've graduated from our nutshell.

i wish there were this button to push to fastforward time. but that's just wishful thinking.

i'm so glad it's Friday tomorrow. i might attend the YFC Discovery Camp tomorrow. no promises. i just might because i WANT TO.

over and out. i'm ripping music to iTUNES and it's taking me ages. almost done now. then it's off to work on my report.

hello world. i'm in my 7am class at the computer lab. it's very legal to use the internet so i'm not breaking any rules.

i've been sleeping well lately. how ironic because i've been busy too. i had two exams yesterday. one was in the morning and one was at 6pm-8pm. so yeah, i was in school the whole day and i don't even know where i got the energy to answer the exam questions when i was already dead tired. i stayed at the Learning Resource Center's study room for 2 hours with earphones stuck into both my ears. the sounds coming from it drowned the sounds from the room and i felt like i was withdrawing from the world. i watched the few people who were in the room talking with words coming out from their mouth that i could not understand. i could only see their mouths move. tried to study more and prayed a lot to pass the exam too. time passed by so fast (thank goodness).

it was already 9:30pm when i got home. although Amidala was already asleep, she woke up when she heard me come home and eat dinner. she followed me around everywhere i went and was quite hyper even if it was already her usual bedtime. i love coming home to her because she cheers me up no matter how tired i am! i'm thinking about talking to my parents when they come home if they would allow me to share a dorm or a condo with schoolmates since senior year is going to be really hectic. i call it "suicidal". there's thesis on the second semester and i don't think i can go to school and then back home to Q.C. daily if my sked won't permit it. the one hour i travel can be used for resting and more rest equals more time to work. thus, i'd be MORE productive. very much needed for senior "suicidal" year. my mother said if i'd have late classes they can pick me up from school anytime. but she doesn't know my sked yet. i'll have to see.

could have watched tv but i was too tired. i just showered and hopped into bed. fell asleep right after.

i love the weather these days. it's chilly in a right kind of way that it's actually comfortable. i wish it could be this cold and cloudy all the time except during summer when i can go to the beach. the only downside of having weather like this is that it's awfully hard to get up in the morning and boo for late sunrises. it's usually still dark when i leave the house before 6am for my 7am class. but nevertheless, i'd give anything for the weather to be like this all year round!

i haven't been watching movies lately except for dvds. i can't wait for Finding Neverland and Meet the Fockers. i'll have to see if i can drag my sister to the movies this weekend. the downside of NOT having a boyfriend? no "movie buddy" to drag to the theater without protesting. :D

anyway... i have a paper to finish, a report to prepare for friday, and an exam next week on monday. then hopefully, i can breathe a little easier.

for some strange reason i feel like a lost little girl right now. maybe it's because of the caffeine that's making my heart pump like there's no tomorrow. or maybe it's the fact that i feel a little sad for not being able to hang out with my high school friends on a saturday night for raiza's birthday bash at her house then eastwood after.

i've mentioned this a couple of times before: one REALLY does get lost in a crowd. i feel pathetic each time i try to answer what life really means. i thought it was all about setting priorities straight, counting your blessings, doing what you love to do, and having FAITH in yourself and in GOD. or something to that effect. but each time i'm bombarded with obstacles that i painstakingly have to face whether i like it or not, i feel like a little girl again-- scared of what is yet to come. perhaps i think too much or i stress out the small stuff a lot. i can't help it. maybe i lack the confidence that i will make it out there someday-- that i won't fail myself when i finally get the chance to become what i want to become in the future.

maybe no one's supposed to find out what life really means. maybe it's not about trying to find the answer of what life is but actually LIVING IT.

during the ride back home from the hospital earlier today, my aunt asked if i wanted to go to law school because my cousin is going. a part of me wanted to shout, "OH YES!" but i'm too much of a scaredy cat to admit that i might think about the possibility. i looked out the window and watched everything outside the car swoosh in a fleeting moment and started to think: "What if i won't make it?". not just law school but to be what i dream of in the future in general. i hate it when i doubt myself. i feel like i lack the capabilities of becoming something that i yearn to be. i'm not saying that i have great expectations. all i want is to work for a humanitarian organization and be able to see the world and meet people of different races. you might think that i expect too much out of the world. no. i do not. believe me, i have learned that expecting too much just robs more energy and self-esteem out of you. i've learned to take things as they come and not slack off while i'm at it. but still, i'm scared.

i need more faith in myself and i need to coax ME to believe that things will come my way at the right time. sometimes it's just tiring to have that much faith, you know? sometimes you want to give up the fight and say, "Fine, i'll take whatever's going to come my way... i'll stop trying." but i'm thankful because as of the moment i don't want to do that. perhaps this is just a phase-- a kind to test my endurance on how long i am able to be there for myself before attaining true happiness.

i'm sure there's a pot of gold somewhere. or maybe there isn't a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. it's right in front of me, i'm just not looking.

*

on the lighter note, i noticed how much green things i have last night after i got "Margaret", that free little stuffed teddy bear that comes with a Yan-Yan :) i want to collect all!

i was so tired last night that i numbered the graphic wrong: 1,2,3,5,6. gahh! sorry folks! :P

1. Margaret (the Yan Yan Bear) that's Margaret. she has green arms and legs. i got it free from a little box of Yan Yan. i'm going to collect all kinds of stuffed teddies. she's my (ancient) cellphone's new buddy!
2. soap dish that's the soap dish for my tomato garden soap. i love green!
3. green froggy i got the froggies from Saisaki last year. it came free from the buffet.
5. closer view of Margaret. she's so cute!
6. :) my toothbrush
7. my green shirt

i love green!

oh, i also finished the whole 3rd season of ALIAS and it seriously kicked ass!!! i'm like a little kid watching her favorite cartoon whenever i watch ALIAS. i'm seriously in love with Michael Vartan a.k.a. Michael Vaughn. <3 who said i don't have a love life?!

the past few days were a whirlwind of activities because i was bombarded with schoolwork. not that it's all over now. the tornado is still here and i'm spinning in circles. i'm dizzy and i'm exhausted, i want to throw in the towel or crawl under a rock and die. i used to think that i was pretty tough when it comes to handling stress. stress used to be fun. in high school, i felt useless without homework or extracurricular activities to keep me busy. now i'd give anything to slack off even for just a few days without worrying for upcoming quizzes (AS121 and HIST116) which we have every single day. throw in 3 more upcoming exams next week and a weekend scheduled for studying, there goes my supposed "rest days". come watch with me and see my only two days to recharge go down the drain just like that. it's like a sin to not do anything related to school these days and it's definitely taking its toll on me. i want to pull my hair and scream so loud. what more when senior year starts after this semester?

the only thing i liked about the past few days were: our spontaneous McDonald's dinner last wednesday (twister fries and sprite makes me happy); crushed ice topped with fresh strawberries and a scoop of strawberry ice cream from Ice Monster lifted my spirits up; the whole third season of Alias and a copy of Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being care of my sister's best friend, Marae in exchange for my lending her Daughter of Fortune (Isabel Allende) and Veronica Decides to Die (Paulo Coelho). the book and the set of dvds are waiting for me patiently atop a sidetable. i heard it screaming my name while i finished school work last night.

on wednesday, i also finally got my blood extracted for tests. i fasted for 14 hours again enduring thirst for that long (my throat was so dry). i could go without food but water? that was torture. when i got to the hospital, a tube of blood was extracted from me. i'm not scared of blood or needles but when the baby beside me wailed like there's no tomorrow, i got nervous. the poor little 4 month old baby looked at me with her distorted and agonized face that i wanted to reach out to her and cradle her (not like her mother wasn't doing just that). i was instructed to drink a bottle of orange solution and was warned not to throw-up after i've gulped the huge bottle of glucose. then i was asked to come back after an hour to get more blood extracted. i did just that and after i came back, the medtech said another hour more than one last tube of blood before i'm free to eat (after hours of hunger). the funny thing is that i didn't feel hungry. my tummy was just bubbly. heeh. i was then told that the test was to determine if i have diabetes or not because i am the candidate to inherit the disease from my mother's side of the family. my mom has it.

tomorrow is judgement day. i will finally find out what's wrong (or hopefully...WHAT'S NOT WRONG) with my health. i have crazy hormone counts and i'll have to see the endocrinologist again tomorrow when my aunt picks me up with my grandfather because he has to get a test done himself.

it's raiza's birthday dinner tomorrow and then Eastwood afterwards. i can't go. i have so many things to do and i feel so bad because I BADLY WANT TO GO. i just had to tell myself that after i graduate there will be more birthday celebrations. skipping one won't hurt. too bad. i badly want to hang out with my AUH high school friends.

wish me luck!

the world could die and everything may lie / still you shouldn't cry / cuz time may pass but none of them will last / i'll be by your side

when i came home from school, i fell asleep to Rivermaya's 214 playing on repeat mode. thank you, Mitchie for burning a cd for me with Rivermaya's oldies :) love you mitsie!!! hehe! i'm going to pay her back by burning her a Kitchie Nadal cd.

woke up from my nap with a migraine. tried to sleep it off but obviously it didn't work. when i got downstairs there was this shoebox full of pictures. some were ruined on the sides but they're pretty much decent. i haven't seen ANY of these pictures before. EVER. they are of my childhood... my sister and i growing up as well as that of my parents when they still lived in Japan. there were also old video tapes and they were labeled "PAGAN, MYANMAR" or "KOBE, JAPAN". my parents' wedding video tape was also there. we should get the tapes cleaned, they have white stuff inside and it'll ruin the VHS player. maybe i should get them transferred to VCD or DVD too to save these videos. they're precious!

haha!!! HOT only if you're a pedophile!!! :P


another HOT JAPANESE SCHOOL GIRL OUTFIT picture hahahaha! :P




my sister (gwen) and i. sweet eh? and omigod! the outfit! hahaha!!! the socks! *rolls over laughing*


i look like a baby wrestler with my jumper!! larger version here


my sister and i larger version here



here's more :) larger version here

old family pictures



mama's little girl. mama and i. family picture daddy's little girl hehe :)

So now you know where i got the enthusiasm to chronicle and take pictures of every detail of my life through pictures and words. we have a bunch of albums stored in two trunks. video tapes too. i wonder where those stuff are.

i'm going to do the same with my kids. i'll take lots of pictures of them growing up heehee :D

i have obligations to face this week and thinking about them stresses me out already other than the headache i am having as of the moment because of the nap i took:

1. visit the ortho tomorrow (at long last!)
2. prepare my report for SOCSCI120 on friday / write a written summary in Filipino! (yeow!)
3. AS121 quiz (AGAIN!) on thursday
4. 2 exams on monday (the 17th) *pulls hair* there goes my weekend.
5. wednesday morning, blood tests.
6. on saturday, St. Luke's to see my doctor.

all these obligations! after monday next week, hopefully there won't be any exams for a long time (although i highly doubt it). oh, it's tuesday tomorrow which means that my temporary i.d. that i applied for last week might be ready! i lost my school i.d. that just sucks big time because the picture there was taken in freshman year and i look so, er, innocent? i lost it during registration and i hate myself for that because i can't enjoy the privileges of the Main Library at Diliman and the one at CAS UPM. i need an i.d. to borrow books (not that i borrow all the time, i need it for my reports). so yeah, it's such a hassle to not have a library card.

today was much fun! i love karaoke! :D haha! went to G-Box at Robinson's Ermita with my school friends while we killed time. was supposed to catch Ocean's 12 but i didn't feel like waiting for them until 4pm so the movie was moved until tomorrow. mitchie sang Rivermaya's 214 (i so love this song!), apple and i were ever bibo while singing 2 songs :) bwahaha! i chose closer you and i by gino padilla and eternal flame by the bangles. teehee. my all time favorite oldies! :) i remember singing eternal flame with my sister as a duet when i was kid. fun memories of the two of us including the disney classics like a whole new world and part of you world. my uncle liked sending us cassette tapes of disney soundtracks from the philippines all the way to myanmar when a friend goes home for vacation.

this morning was frickin' scary. i nearly got hit by an SUV! i was in a rush to get to campus. while i was crossing Padre Faura, i noticed that there were barricades and policemen who closed the street because there was a hoopla going on at the Supreme Court (probably the FPJ presidency appeal that his camp is fighting for). there were television station vans too. before i crossed i stopped because there was a blue SUV. but it stopped because the policement stopped it before entering the street so i went ahead and crossed. when i got to the middle of the street, this SUV started roaring and breaked just a few inches away from me! imagine the horror on my face and the palpitation of my heart! thank goodness for effective breaks, otherwise i could have died or maybe be paralyzed from waist down! people at the sidewalks who saw looked at me in horror. it was too mortifying but i didn't care. it scared the wits out of me! it wasn't my fault, i swear. i saw that it was safe to cross but this SUV started the engine just as i was crossing! it nearly gave me a heart attack.

i was so disturbed while entering the campus that i didn't hear Lariz calling out to me from behind. my head was spinning with a lot of oh-shit-i almost-got-hit-by-a-car-for-the-nth-time thoughts that it consumed my consciousness. ayayay! must be extra careful next time.

i thank my lucky stars that i didn't get runover by that blue SUV. otherwise i wouldn't be here right now without a scratch. yikes.

the incident reminded me of what Lanie (Angelina Jolie's character from Life, or Something Like It which i watched yesterday) said:

"Live each day as if it were your last because someday it will be."

amen to that!!!

i haven't actually talked about my faith probably because i was scared that it might stir a few clash of opinions here and there. but i think it's about time to open that up because afterall, this is my blog and i am in charge of what i feel like writing.

i don't claim to be religious. heck, i am anything but that. i don't go to church religiously (meaning every Sunday). yes, i am ashamed to say that out loud. some time after high school, questions about my faith started to emerge from out of nowhere. probably because i've been caught up in religious practices for so long (was raised a Roman Catholic by both my parents) that it became a way of life for me to hear mass every single Sunday. every Sunday is "family day" for the Limcumpaos where we go to church together as a family. i used to attend Sunday school at the local church and went through the the Sacraments that a child needed to undergo. i was a typical Christian.

i blame maturity when things started to change. i had questions and there were a lot of instances that tested my faith. sometimes i question God. but now that i'm in the right age to think straight and to know what i believe in or not, i've come to accept God WHOLLY. yes, i've engaged in debates with my non-Catholic friends because i had to defend what i believed in. but in the end i realized that it all boils down to not what kind of Christian you are or what other religion you are but how strong your faith is. God doesn't recognize who is worthy of being saved by religions: the Born Again, the Roman Catholic, or some other church.

i am a lost little girl trying to find her way back to His arms. i feel that having faith alone is not enough, i have to be more vocal about my FAITH. i am not religious, i am a sinner and i've hurt people for countless times that it's even too painful to track them all down. but the thing is, i want to be a better person not just in God's eyes but through people's eyes as well. i know i can't expect myself to fully transform into someone better right away but by starting with going back to HIM would mean a great deal.

that's why i came to a conclusion that everyday is challenge to be the best i can. not just as a PERSON but as a CHRISTIAN as well. with God guiding me along the way and with me offering my life to His hands, i'm sure he will navigate my ship and i will reach my destination.

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my heart, alll of my praise
My heart and my hands are lifted to you.

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life
-I Offer My Life, Don Moen

i read this from Mixz's blog. i love it because it's exactly what i want people to know.

I am a Christian
When I say... I am a Christian
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin"
I'm whispering "I was lost
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say...I am a Christian
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say...I am a Christian
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... I am a Christian
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... I am a Christian
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say...I am a Christian
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... I am a Christian
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

i fervently pray to God that i won't lose track of my goal: to live a better Christian life.

this would be an experimental post on my writing in Filipino. yes, i speak fluently but my weakness is in writing using the language. i just remembered how my professor (Atoy Navarro) was frustrated because according to him, the UP system should implement a rule that each student should take Filipino in their curriculum. he also added that a student should not be able to graduate without taking up Filipino because afterall, we are a state university. in his class, we are required to write his papers in Filipino which makes it hard for me. but he also said that if you are a good writer you'd be able to write well whether in English or Filipino.

i remember one time in freshman year when i had to write an article in Filipino (it was Linggo ng Wika). i ended up not being able to write long article but i wrote a short one for a column instead.

so, here it goes! (to non-Filipino readers: sorry. you won't be able to understand what i wrote).

_____________________

Ngarag sa Pagaaral

ayoko na mag-aral. ako nga lang ba ang nakakaramdam ng ganito o isa nga lang ba itong "phase" na dinadaanan ng isang ngarag na estudyante tulad ko?

araw araw pinipilit ko gumising ng maaga bago palang sumikat ang araw para makarating sa klase ng tamang oras. minsan iniisip ko gusto ko itulog nalang. kaso maiisip ko na nakaka-guilty naman kung di ako papasok. kaya naman sa bigat ng katawan ko, binubuhat ko pa rin ang sarili ko at inuudyok ang utak para maglakad patungo ng banyo.

kapag panahon ng mga exams at quizzes, umaandar nanaman ang katamaran ko. pero bakit nga ba kahit ganito ako katamad eh napapansin ko panay naman ako ng kayod para mapasa ang mga klase ko?

ah, dahil may ambisyon ako. siguro nga ang isang diploma ay isang papel lamang pero ito na rin siguro ang "ticket" ko para lumipad sa kung saan man ako dadalhin ng hangin. tulad nga ng nabanggit ko, kahit gano ako katamad mag-aral eh kayod pa rin ako dahil alam ko na makakabuti din ito sa akin pagdating na panahon. lahat naman ng magagandang bagay napapaghirapan di ba? kaya nga nandito ako sa eskwela ko dahil pinaghirapan ko ito at pinagsunugan ng kilay. bakit pa ako titigil ngayon na nasa ikatlong taon na ako sa pagaaral sa unibersidad?

sabi nga ng tatay ko, "bunso, sana hindi ka magsawa sa pag-aaral" matapos na ipaalam ko sa kanya na magpupuyat nanaman ako dahil sa isang pagsusulit sa klase. naisip ko din na ang diploma ko ang mabibigay kong regalo para sa mga magulang ko na hinubog ako sa kung sino ako ngayon at kung saan ako nakarating o makakarating. ang kapirasong papel na tinatawag na diploma na iyon ang paraan ko para makapag pasalamat sa lahat ng ibinigay nila sa akin tulad ng suporta at pagmamahal nila.

kaya aalis na ako ngayon at ilalayo ang aking sarili sa PC dahil kailangang mag-aral para sa isa nanamang pagsusulit.

one day i might go deaf. i can tell by the way i listen to music-- it's always ON FULL BLAST. i like it that way. music takes me on a high especially on-a-high worthy songs like the songs that i will probably never get tired of-- Third Eye Blind's Semicharmed Life (one of my favorite songs since forever), Maroon 5's She Will Be Loved, and Keane's Somewhere Only We Know. my family gets annoyed every time the music is on full blast. my mother complains that it gives her a headache and my sister thinks i'm deaf.

i love music. if i could turn back time i would have learned how to play the guitar. i learned piano since i was four. it went on until i was 13. now i'm rusty (although i can still read notes) because i haven't practiced for a long time since high school.

i had three piano teachers my whole life. the first was Ms. Beverly. she was pretty nice to teach a four year old to play the piano. this was during the time while i still lived in Myanmar. she taught me the basics for around more than three years.

then there was Ms. Josephine, "the piano teacher from hell". i really mean that. she was really cruel. i remember afternoons right after school. she'd be waiting for my sister and i in the living room where the piano was. with her frizzy permed hair, scary eyelids with thick liquid eyeliner, and ghostly white face, she would wait for us. i hated her to pieces. she would whack my hand really hard when i miss a note or when i play the piece wrong. she'd ridicule me and i remember being so furious that i'd actually press the keys harder than needed to vent out my anger. but she was really very good. she taught us pretty well and what i loved about the lessons with her was that she'd teach us Christmas songs on Christmas. my favorites were Silver Bells and White Christmas. the downside was that as i played, she would sing with her squeaky horrible voice that would make me burst into giggles. oh, i must mention that our terrier Bonnie hated her to pieces too! our dog would wait for her by the gate on afternoons. i'd know when she arrives because Bonnie would bark and bite her long skirt. he would pull it and follow the poor piano teacher until she gets to the front door. my sister and i would watch from the second floor living room window with mischievous grins plastered on our faces. but looking back on those days, i had hard times trying to reach keys while playing difficult pieces. i have a small hand (heeh), not exactly pianist material but still, it was fun playing.

lastly, in high school while living in Abu Dhabi, my parents got me a new piano teacher who was a Filipino. he was also good. he played in a couple of recitals at the Cultural Center in Abu Dhabi. there was this one time when he asked me to memorize one long piece. it was a Minuet. a week later he asked if i memorized it. i said i wasn't able to because i had exams. i think he got pissed off because he turned beet red, it was pretty funny for his pale skin. since this guy is gay, he always tried to make his voice smaller in hopes of making it sound feminine. one time he got pissed off when i kept missing a note. he caught me by surprise when he said "D!!!" in a manly voice. after clearing his throat, he went back to his normal "feminine voice". that was so funny. it made me smile like a geek instead of being intimidated by him.

i loved playing the piano. the realization that you are the one creating the music that's playing is way beyond priceless.

i'd like to learn to play the guitar any day now. maybe when i learn to manage my finances (i spend way too much on unneccessary things), i can buy a shiny red guitar. i want to learn to play Shiny Red Balloon by Barbie's Cradle and This Side by Nickel Creek. i love both songs to pieces.

so watch out, world. there will be a new "girl with a shiny red guitar" on the loose any time soon.

only had one hour of sleep last night, thanks to procrastination and my lazyheadedness. our three hour break was spent at the cafeteria studying and laughing and eating. it was so much fun. my friends also think that i have iron fists. these little hands are lethal, they said. iron fists did me good when i used to play volleyball. now it hurts my friends (literally!).

1. 2004 planner. this is my planner. that cheapo recycled paper planner i got from Papemelroti last year. i can't live without a planner. i tend to forget skeds for quizzes, exams, reportings, and other important details. 2. Paper for SOCSCI120. that's my paper for navarro's class. it's about myself, a supposed biography which i ended up not doing. i listed three important characteristics instead. colored it in rainbow colors because a rainbow best signifies my personality (although i can be really WICKED at times). 3. colorful lollipops i gave my friends. before the exams i handed out these colorful lollipops. sugar supposedly works well during exams :) so yeah, a little sugarush might've helped us answer the difficult exam this afternoon. 4. the inside of the cheapo planner. dates to remember :). lastly: that dork with a distorted face is me being dramatic about how sleepy i was this morning (at around 3am!)

today was pretty interesting because this lady asked me for directions on my way home and it turned out that she was going to where i was going too. she asked if she could go with me because she said she didn't know the place where she was supposed to meet her cousin who just flew in from abroad. during the ride she offered to pay for my fare (of course, i declined). then she started asking me where i studied. she went on telling me that her son is a graduate of U.P. Diliman and he's now working in Laguna. she even showed me a couple of pictures of her other 2 kids and her husband. then she told me about her son and his girlfriend. she asked me if i had a boyfriend. i said no. then she said, "good. study first." i noticed that all parents say the same thing. so anyway, she kept thanking me before i got down and she said that she wasn't going to ask for my name because i'd probably never see her again. she reminded me to walk up to her when i see her again just in case.

i meet random nice people during my rides to and from school. there was this one morning when i was running late for class. the lady who i sat next to only had 500 bucks and the FX driver didn't have change. she started fumbling her bag for loose change but she didn't have any. the driver didn't want to stop at a gas station either because there wasn't one on the way. i offered her my 10 pesos that she needed. she sheepishly shrugged it off at first and then i said it was okay because i hate it when that happens to me too. when she got down at Faura (my same stop), she called out to me and asked for my name. she asked if i was from UPM and i said yes. she gave me her name, she said she's a doctor at the PGH and she graduated from UPM too. she kept saying thank you like it was a big deal and i just smiled at her and said it was really nothing.

some people i know hate taking the public transportation to school. i think otherwise. yes, it sucks when you get mud between your toes during rainy days or get stuck in a traffic jam. but the fun part of it is that you are able to observe random people go about their lives and some would even strike you as interesting. believe me, i hear the most hilarious conversations inside the FX everyday as well as other tidbits you can't help overhear.

with all my experiences on taking the public transportation and the people that i've rode it with, i think i can even write a book and name it The Topsy-Turvy World Of Commuting.

this afternoon i woke up in a dreamy state with a smile on my face. then i remembered that the sun was setting and i'd have to study tonight for a long exam tomorrow. plus, i haven't written that essay for Navarro's class on the question "Why Am I What I Am Right Now?". it's like in Sophie's World when the unknown sender of letters wrote to Sophie to ask "Who Are You?". only, we're supposed to write this essay to go back to our personal histories and understand who we are today. pretty interesting, i tell you. the thing is, i don't think just a page of short bond paper is enough for me to write about who i am and why i am like this. i am confused and the words on who i am are just overflowing that i don't know where to start. it's supposed to be handwritten. it's a psychological thing, he said. i think he studied psychology and handwriting tells a lot about a person. i wonder what he'll see when he reads my essay?

back in high school, my Values Education teacher was lecturing when she looked me straight in the eye (i was in front row) and said something really straightforward (and very accurate) that it caught me off-guard. i asked her, "how did you know?" and she smiled this mischievous grin and said..."dear, you're as clear as crystal." that scared me to the bones. what did she see? people are predictable, i know. in Starting Over, Ronda said that people try with their utmost efforts to conceal their real identities. they wear a mask to hide who they really are but what they don't know is that people know what you're trying to pull off. that's scary, right?

speaking of psychology, i used to think i wanted to take up psych in college. i already had a slot at DLSU when i backed out. the human mind intrigues me. people are so complicated and different that it's actually interesting to find out how their minds work. speaking of psych, there's this workshop by the Psychiatric Ward at the PGH (Philippine General Hospital) for UP Pahinungod Hospice Care Volunteers. the workshops are on counselling, management of grief, and stress management. i so want to go. i'm hoping that i'll have the heart to skip one class because it coincides with this 8am-11am workshop. besides, how will i be an effective hospice care volunteer if i have no training whatsoever on counselling? plus, stress management sounds really inviting because i need it for myself too.

it's so much fun going back to my hard drive and finding old pictures from last year. so these are the random photos i found which brought back school days of 2004.

zandra, mitchie, and i at the Oblation Garden being goofballs.

LRT ride to Marikina to interview Father Robert Reyes (the "running priest") for our COMM3 project.

a couple of posters on the bulletin board at RH hall.

mitchie and i pretending to not see the camera. wehehe!

on the ride home i sat across a little boy (around 2-3 years old) with his mother. the boy was so cute! he kept singing loudly. i looked at him and smiled. i wanted to reach out to him and pinch his cheeks. he looked back at me with a questioning stare. for a moment i thought he was going to tell on me to his mother. that happened last year when i found this little girl so cute. i smiled at her and this little girl of a brat called her mom and pointed out at me with a pout. that scared me. i thought her mom was going to walk up to me and tell me that i was rude or something. adoring cute little kids isn't a crime (unless you're a pedophile). too bad i had to get off that ride too soon. i still want to pinch that little boy.

i should log off and get back to my studying. quiz tomorrow and another long exam on friday. that's how cool my life is. third day of class for 2005 and there are already loads of schoolwork. looks like i won't be able to enjoy my weekend either. i have a report to work on. i was so lucky to pick the slot for tuesday's reporting. notice the sarcasm? ughh!

ok bye!

last night at 2am, i couldn't sleep. so i texted a friend bugging him to keep me company while i was wide awake, asking all sorts of silly questions. i told him how much i hated school, that i didn't want to study anymore (half meaning it, by the way...). then he said:

"maybe the reason why you're feeling like that is because you're still on vacation mode. when you're back in school with your friends, you'll forget that you hated school."

true enough. this morning although i woke up at 5am and left the house while it was still dark outside, i was still quite energetic throughout the day. fun times i had with my blockmates. we were required to watch a movie from the Metro Manila Film Festival. at least one of the four best films my professor wanted us to watch because he said he would include some questions in the exam. so after class, my friends and i marched to Robinson's Ermita and bought a ticket to a moive. Aishte Imasu (I Love You) was a good movie, i tell you. it would give you a glimpse of how life was during the Japanese days, give you further understanding that not all Japanese were mean, and most of all it would make you (or at least try to) appreciate homosexuals more. there were no dull moments all throughout the movie. no matter how tired i was from sleeping for just 2-3 hours, i was pretty much awake and very much interested. the movie made me cry over a lot of parts and *drum roll please*.... Dennis Trillo is such HOTNESS.

Sir Atoy opened my eyes today (figuratively) by making the class realize that of all movies, we should appreciate Filipino movies more because they are realistic. we are able to connect to them because it is within our setting. we watch Hollywood movies because the effects are cool and the story is well written. but the best movies are found in the Filipino movies because it shows us the world that we are living in, not in some far away foreign land. but of course, it won't hurt to watch Hollywood films. it's just that we should appreciate our local films more and give credit to the really good ones. never mind the crappy ones.

we were given assignments on writing a biography of ourselves. he said that by asking ourselves the question, "why am i like this today?" you are able to go back to your own personal history and come up with conclusion on why you are what you are now. it does make sense, you know. every little bit of decision we made in the past played a major role in what we are today. it's pretty interesting to go back and look at those decisions that we made. afterall, history is not just about studying the past but by studying history, we are able to understand the present situation.

so on my way home with all the good things i learned today in school, i couldn't help but remember what my guy friend said. he was right. the reason why i was so lazy was because i've been on vacation for weeks and it felt too good to end. i also mused on how ironic it is to feel extremely happy in the place where i can feel completely miserable at times-- SCHOOL! but that's just the good thing about studying. it's a matter of balancing the good things from the bad. the bad may be the pressure, the hectic skeds, loads of schoolwork, and more pressure... but the good ones make me realize how much of a lucky duck i am for being where i am and experiencing the taste of reality within the walls of UPM.

school is great that way. everyday you learn new things. some really big and some things small.

i won't mind sleeping for just 2 hours and be grumpy half the day if in the end i'd be smiling this wide before i sleep. my only wish is that i won't forget the lessons i've learned in college because i'm a forgetful person. i hope the bits and pieces would linger on for a while until they get lost somewhere at the back of my head.

good night world.

these are a couple of pictures from 2004. :) fun times. my wanderlust takes me places. there are also pictures from tagaytay and nasugbu, batangas but it's in a cd somewhere. lets call this part 1 because i have tons more in the hard drive. the computer at home is awfully slow because of the picture files i uploaded over the year. must burn then delete the folders.

here you go! enjoy!

baguio city road trip from pampanga. the left picture was taken by me from the passenger seat that's why you can see the stuffed animal thingies on the dashboard. the lamb is mine. it's pink bean bag. the right picture is of a rockly cliff on the way to baguio.

jinx and his family lives in dagupan at pangasinan. we went down from baguio just to meet up with him. along with jinx's family, we went to Leisure Coast, a resort. we went swimming. the place was beautiful. on the way home there were heavy gray clouds above and it started raining on the way back up to baguio.

during the summer, from pampanga we drove to Subic Bay and off to the beach. we loved the sun. had great times with mitch, josh, moses, my sister, and john. we grilled barbecue for lunch and stopped by Olongapo City for their famous sisig and street food somewhere there.

christmas break beach trip just last week. that's josh and his new-found friend, a hermit (i think? that's what he calls it!). josh tossed it to me and i thought it was just a shell. then something pierced my palm and i yelped. there was something a live in it. gave me shivers down my spine.

spent a lot of times at diliman doing research for POLSCI160 and just hanging out. met Eky and Reymund. both funny people :) but Eky graduated already! wahh! , pano na yan?! she introduced us to street food at diliman, by the way. fun times!

the end. i wonder where 2005 will take me. i can't wait. :)

halfway in between feeling extremely sleepy and half sick, here i am in my pajamas and groggy self trying to cook up words just because i feel like writing.

so this is the last night of Christmas break. classes resume tomorrow. spent a rather fruitful last day of vacation with my sister, john, joyce, and jay-r. went to rockwell, greenhills shopping center, then to riverbanks in marikina. last night i stayed up until 3am just because i thought it would be my last day to sleep late. had a good time watching old dvds that i've watched before and laughed my ass off on a movie that i found pretty hilarious. yes, all this by myself. woke up at past 1pm this morning with a stab in the chest realizing that tomorrow i'd be up and about as early as 7am because of first day of classes.

i wonder what 2005 has in store for me. i think life will be different. with the parents coming home, the household would be turned into a topsy-turvey world-- my mother telling me to fix my closet and fold the t-shirts i've rolled up into balls while rushing to get ready for school, my father sharing his famous corny jokes at the dinner table, the house smelling like real homecooked meals my mother is famous for, and of course... the more life this house is going to be filled with. i can't wait for them to come home. a few more weeks to go.

have to hop into bed now if i want to wake up early.

i think i may have tonsilitis. i can't be sick. not when classes are about to resume! i feel guilty for not studying during the holidays for my upcoming exams. maybe tomorrow. who studies on Christmas break anyhow? er, maybe some of my blockmates. that just proves how much of a delinquent student i am.

i was able to catch SATC's final episode. i loved the ending, kind of brings out the message that your failed relationships are the setting stones to the right One. i didn't think Mr. Bigg would be the one for Carrie. afterall, they've been on and off for so many times. i liked it. Paris was too perfect, anyhow. New York is still the best place to end the show.

i had my eyes glued on the tv from 11am-7pm watching the C.S.I. marathon on AXN. except for the episode which i already saw because i had to shower. didn't go with my sister to UP Diliman to take Amidala for a walk. my sister said she had such a great time walking around (i'm referring to Amidala, btw). after a while she got tired so my sister carried her. cute! i love having Amidala around. she likes following me around the house. when i'm watching tv, she just hangs around the living room and sleeps there. when i get up from the couch and to the kitchen, she still follows me. she likes to stare too!

classes start on monday and i'm the saddest little girl on earth. it's my last night to sleep late and it breaks my heart to think that next week i'm up and about again, cramming & stressing over school stuff. i hate school, you know. i'm in it just because i want a good future and i want that piece of paper they call a "diploma". so while i'm at it, i might as well give it my best.

good night. it's sound tripping now for me.

no, those are not a pair of pajamas. they're baggy drawstring pants :P more pics later. still have to sleep.

oh man. no Gail, don't cry. it's okay you missed the fireworks display at Makati :( it's okay that you weren't able to watch the supposed extravagant fireworks display. gahh. who am i kidding? i'm still disappointed! i really wanted to watch a fireworks display this year. next time, i swear i will. i'll throw a tantrum if i don't. haha :P

so, my first entry for 2005. new year's eve was so much more fun than i thought it was going to be. at 11pm my sister, kuya John, and i went out. we watched our suicidal neighbors light their firecrackers. my other neighbor with the yellow house had great fireworks! i wonder how much they spent on those! i had so much fun watching the firecrackers and cheap fireworks shooting up to the sky.

we had our usual medya noche. yummy food. too many, actually. but really good.