what are you afraid of?

I've been waking up in the middle of the night (or is it morning?) lately. I'm not sure if it's night or morning because all I know is that it's still dark when I wake up in the middle of deep sleep and because I don't want to lose sleep I don't check the time. Some nights it's because of a nightmare (I've dreamt of losing loved ones and feeling so bad about it that when I wake up I can't sleep anymore). Other times it's too horrible to even talk about it but other nights it's just your typical zombie nightmare that's ridiculous if I tell you here but it's scary when it was still in my head.

These vivid dreams and nightmares started when I was put on betablockers. After doing my own drug study I learned that one of the uncommon side effects of Bisoprolol was "vivid dreams and nightmares". I'm not sure, though. If it's psychological then how come it really does happen to me?

So anyway, these dreams made me think and really FEEL the things that I am really afraid of. In those horrible dreams when I dreamt of losing people I love, I can't begin to explain how shattered my world felt while I was enduring the pain of losing someone. I realized that in real life, I'm going to more afraid of losing people forever than having to deal with ghouls, vampires, or ghosts.

My parents taught me that I should never forget to say my bedtime prayers at night so that I won't have bad dreams. I admit I've been forgetting to say my prayers before going to bed because I believe in praying any time of the day and talking to God whenever I want to like a friend who's always beside me. Maybe I should put praying every night into practice or chant the bedtime chant I learned from an episode in Grey's Anatomy:

"Bad dreams, bad dreams, go away
Good dreams, good dreams, here to stay." (with matching hand movement)

I hope for nothing but sweet dreams tonight.