gotta love sundays with family

i had a fun sunday! lunch with my family at my grandparents' place. everyone was there except my one cousin. it was fun seeing them all again so our parents took a lot of pictures of us cousins together.

the whole crew!!!


me with pretty pretty Joy! she's gonna break a lot of hearts someday!


chad and joy. both future heartbreakers!

i already watched Madagascar!!! go see it! it's really funny. i loved the fact that i could hear the kids at the back of our seats giggling like crazy. they were so cute! from makati we went to galleria (i saw a lot of Emily the Strange things!). "Nightmare on Elm Street!!!" HAHA! laugh trip. i was supposed to say "Nightmare Before Christmas" upon seeing goodies of the mentioned movie. at eastwood we saw the Madagascar promotional boxes at the entrance of the cinema. kuya John and i thought we would be cool if we posed for pictures HAHAHA!

guess what? i'm going to batangas to hit the beach! yey! my school friends and i have been planning this for ages but we post-poned it. when i got home, apple texted. she reminded me to bring my health certificate for enrollment and i.d. and clothes. wait. clothes? what for? so i texted her back. turns out that we're going on that trip from may 30 - june 1 not june 30 as i thought! so yes, i haven't packed yet. great. oh well, i can cram that tomorrow. enrollment is at 1pm anyhow.

sorry for the crappy resolution of the pictures. i didn't bring my digicam today, credit goes to cameraphones (my cousins', my sister's, and mine).

it's 1am, i must be lonely (NOT!)

i'm still awake which isn't really surprising because i'm usually up at this hour. i'm at the other room with the big windows open and i can actually see outside. it kind of creeps me out because it's pitch dark and it's very cold. having this notebook around is pretty convenient considering that i used to lock myself up in the room where i keep my eyes glued in front of the PC doing whatever things: blog, surf, read blogs, download, write, or whatever i set my mind to. now i can migrate to different spots in the house. my favorites are: the dining room, the living room, and this bedroom because a third tv is installed here. convenient, huh? so since this afternoon because of my fruitless efforts of finding things to do... i turned to the notebook where i installed Limewire and iTunes-- my basic necessities as of the moment to fill my thirst for music.

my cousin also lent me books. i started on The Class already. i'm already past around five pages of the book. it's pretty interesting. it's about a group of students from Harvard-- Harvard class of 1953. at present, there's this big reunion where members of class of '53 will gather after long long years of not seeing each other. then there are these five particular members of the class whose lives are featured. i just started on the first one. it looks pretty interesting, kind of reminds me of how my future class reunion would be like. will i be scared stiff, afraid of showing my face to my batchmates because i'm still not successful? or will i be confident because i already accomplished things?

don't you feel really scared sometimes when you stop and realize that time moves pretty fast? i know i am. senior year is going to start soon (like in less than two weeks!) and i'm SCARED. i don't know what to expect. two years from now i wonder where i'd be. will i still be in this room typing on this blog about how frustrated i am for not being able to move forward? or will i be typing on this blog about my insane but wonderful adventures as i see one new place after the other?

sometimes i'd lay on my bed at night and dream of me traveling and telling stories of my adventures. on sleepless nights when even hot milk couldn't do the trick, i'd think of where i'd be in the future. i have faith in myself, believe me. in high school i set these goals for myself and when i read my old journal and analyzed those goals, i achieved ALL OF THEM. that scares me, you know. winning all the time. but i'm less scared now so don't worry. college has taught me that i can never WIN ALL THE TIME. sometimes i'm bitter of how life taught me that lesson in a hard way but i have come to terms that life isn't perfect. i am not perfect and i think i grew up expecting that i'd make mistakes that aren't really in my hands to avoid.

okay great. now i'm being sentimental here. but that's what past 1am does to me when everyone's asleep and i'm the only soul in this house that's still wide awake. it's either that or the glass of caffeinated soda i drank this evening.

whatever it is... it's making me senti. i'll stop now.

help me write

i am a frustrated writer. i really want to be able to string words into magical sentences that would make up a masterpiece-- a short story, an article, or just an essay of some sort.

i'm frustrated because a blog is all i have to write on. i want a job (even a non-paying one) where i can write about things that interest me because i miss that. i used to write for the school paper but then the semester started to be hectic so i had to resign. I MISS WRITING. A LOT. i wish i could enroll myself to a creative writing class and improve my skills and maybe that class will help me write that book i've been dreaming of writing. i anticipate the Young Star section of the Philippine Star every week. i envy the writers there because they write really well and they get to write for a paper too. argh. frustrations, frustrations! imagine doing what you really love to do and actually get outputs from it. isn't that amazing?

the thing is.. i don't know where they get the inspiration to write. they say, "write what you know". well, sometimes i have a lot of jumbled ideas in my head but i keep them to myself. when i'm finally in front of the computer, i just stare at the white blank page of the screen and try to rack my brains with all my might. sometimes i get fruitful results but other times i suffer from what they call "writer's block".

one thing's for sure-- i want a writing job right now because i need output from my passion. you guys know any writing stints out there?

*

it's past 2am. two hours ago, my mother asked what time i was going to bed. i'm still awake because i'm still downloading. i just finished wathcing Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights for the second time and again, Diego Luna is HOT. so i'm downloading a bunch of songs from the soundtrack because if you must know, i love dancing when no one's watching. oh yes, i dance like crazy when no one's around. it's good therapy when you need to let out tension (er, on school days) or when you just want to have FUN. i know people who can't understand why i like to listen to r&b (or hip-hop, as some might call it). i dance to hip-hop music and i don't know... i guess you can call me a frustrated dancer! but when no one's around... i just LET GO and move to the music. it's exhilirating, i tell you. after watching Havana Nights the second time around, i told myself i want to dance like that.

i think i might turn nocturnal again since school's going to start in less than two weeks. how depressing. i could get used to life like this-- movies, downloads, sound tripping-- bumming, in general. what fun!

but NO. reality starts in less than two weeks so i might as well make the most out of it. maybe that's also the reason why my parents stopped forcing me to sleep already-- they understand that i'm trying to make the most out of what's left of my almost non-existent summer vacation.

good night, world.

mass downloading

mass downloads today! Tori Amos is a goddess. wish i had a voice like that! Sarah Maclachlan too and Alanis Morisette. Colplay rocks my socks. i downloaded songs from the Garden State soundtrack too because it's uber cool. maybe i should watch the movie again and then go on that Star Wars movie marathon. whopee!

here are the songs i downloaded... at least some of them:

tori amos - sort of fairytale
tori amos - kissing in the rain
tori amos - sweet the sting
tori amos - losing my religion (REM cover)
tori amos - love song (The Cure cover)
tori amos - sweet the sting
tori amos - strange litte girl
sarah maclachlan - i will remember you
alanis morisette and tori amos - firefly
sarah maclachlan - fallen
the shins - so says i
the shins - the new slang
coldplay - don't panic
frou frou - let go
the cure - tainted love
the cure - mint car
the cure - pictures of you
jeff buckley - lilac wine

sort of fairytale makes me high. really. it does! it's the sort of song you'd listen to on a rainy day and you'd start feeling all sing-song happy. the new slang by The Shins relaxes me and fallen too. let go by Frou Frou is another Garden State song.

let go... there's beauty in the breakdown.

exactly.

i'm off to download more mp3s. yey!

i'm a strange sleeper

i have a strange way of sleeping. i like sleeping with three pillows (or more) and the pillow i use for my head should be really thin and soft like it almost doesn't exist. i hate high pillows because i grew up without a pillow for my head. this is because my parents think that my sister and i would grow without our backs hunching. i don't know if it worked. but i got used to it anyway.

i also have this strange way of covering my face with a pillow (of course, leaving my nose to be able to suck in air) but i like it on top of my face with my arms over it just so i could press my eyes. but whenever my mother checks up on me (yes, she still does that despite my age), she gets paranoid and takes the pillow off my face in fear that i might suffocate myself. so last night when she found me with a pillow on my face for the nth time, she took it off and i mumbled that i needed it because my eyes hurt. oh yes. i fell asleep last night because i had a killer headache and i felt a little dizzy too. my eyes were in pain too so i pressed the pillow on my eyes because it felt good that way.

plus, i like sleeping in a fetal position and sometimes i like lying flat on my stomach with my arms tucked inside the pillow for my head. :)

House of Wax

i saw House of Wax already! it wasn't as bad as i expected it to be. i didn't even want to see it but after going to apple store at megamall to get the shiny apple green mini (it is ♥ because it's so SMALL and SMALL is ME!), i had no choice since i was already with my sister and her boyfriend and they were going to see House of Wax. they didn't want me to bail out although i badly wanted to transfer mp3s already. we had humongous burgers at Wham somewhere in katipunan. whenever i recall what i ate i want to barf but hey! it was really good and i was hungrryy!

about the movie, it was okay. the only thing not okay was the fact that there was a bunch of girls in the theater screaming their lungs off even if the part wasn't scary but hey! it's okay because if i got scared easily i'd scream too. at some point i wanted to sleep because i was very sleepy and my head ached but then the gory parts came so i stayed up for that. Eastwood Cinema seats are so sleep-friendly because the seats are really comfy. plus, Floyd's ice cream shoppe (ice cream turtle pie!!!) and Big Chill are a plus. the three of us occupied the entire one row of the right side of the theater so i could've slept. but like i said, the movie wasn't as bad as i thought.

music for the soul (!)

rain. rain makes everyone sentimental. me included. i love the cool weather when it rains especially during hot summer nights such as tonight. it kind of banishes all the bad air (literally) there is and refreshes the thick humid air even for just a while.

when it started to pour, i quickly opened the windows and put on my headphones because it was a perfect time to go sound tripping. the sounds drowned all the noise around me and it felt strangely comforting being drowned by the lyrics of the songs that i was losing myself to. music has a powerful force that overwhelms us with emotions. it either comforts us like hot soup on a rainy day and at the same time crushes us when we can relate too much to the lyrics. songs with beautiful lyrics take me on a high. add the upbeat rythym to it and i'm already flying. sometimes i think that perhaps the reason why i love listening to music so much is because the lyrics are things that are inside my head written into soulful melodies by talented/brilliant songwriters. or... they may be unspoken thoughts-- those things that i'm scared to say or admit whether to myself or to others. it's strangely comforting to be able to relate to songs with beautiful music because it's always a good feeling to know that you're not alone.

so excuse me while i sound trip some more. then maybe i'll get enough inspiration to work on my final projects for practicum due tomorrow. i've procrastinated enough.

on the lighter note, i'm officially on vacation (at least for another two weeks)! :)

Elizabeth Wurtzel and Sylvia Plath

i just finished watching Prozac Nation-- the movie adaptation of Elizabeth Wurtzel's novel and biography. oh wow! i loved it. halfway through the movie i remembered Sylvia Plath and her only novel (and semi-autobiography) "The Bell Jar" (which will always be on top of my top 10 list!). i only wish i could have read the book first before watching the movie because it's always a hundred and one times more interesting. then when i searched google for Prozac Nation, voila. guess what? Jayne Margetts wrote this about her:

SHE has been compared to Sylvia Plath on more than one occasion, and when Elizabeth Wurtzel first released her debut memoirs, Prozac Nation , in 1994, she was unprepared for the flood of reaction that lapped at her feet. While critics termed her book "controversial", victims of depression thanked her for her brutally honesty and harrowing insight into the literary depths of despair that she had penned.

from this article.

so yeah. that explained why i saw Sylvia Plath in Wurtzel. plus, after the movie Star Movies showed this trailer of Sylvia (starring Gwyneth Paltrow). isn't that a pleasant surprise? another biographical movie of my favorite poet/author! but the movie focuses on the story of Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes rather than focusing on Plath's life alone (which could have been much MORE interesting) but i'm still looking forward to it. my only hope is that i won't get disappointed.

can you see a pattern here? if not, well... lately i've developed a knack for psychological novels. so far i've read:

1. The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath)
2. Veronika Decides to Die (Paulo Coelho) not yet finished, though
3. The Catcher in the Rye (JD Salinger) (reread it. first time was in high school)
4. Perks of Being a Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky)

a lot of real-life drama, cynicism, depression (whether clinical or not...), dementia, and most especially novels that are beautifully written in first person. these are the types of books i read these days because i've seen too many of the "sunny side" of the fictional world. besides, there's no harm in reading about anger and suicide once in a while because we have to face the fact that some people deal with these realities once in a while. and we learn from what the heroes/heroines learn in these books or in their lives. plus, IT'S PLAIN INTERESTING. :) i've been checking Powerbooks for Virgin Suicides but each time i check, i run out of luck. maybe one of these days...

wow! it's been an interesting night! now back to work...

going for The Dream

i seriously can't wait for Madagascar! whee!

i've been catching up on movies lately. saturday night i went with my sister and her boyfriend to Galle and watched Amityville. go watch it! it's a pretty good movie. i liked it. would give it a 4/5 rating. then today i went with Ina to Galle again and watched In Good Company. another great movie! it actually presents reality like they make you realize that although you're at the top, when you don't have people who support you, love you, in short-- your family, life is sad. almost meaningless.

then we hanged out at Gloria Jean's for a while and talked. that's what we're good at. but seriously, i enjoy coffeeshop conversations with Ina because we get to cover a lot of topics. our conversations are intellectually stimulated, by the way (haha! or maybe that's "nerdified" to you). we just sat there for hours as we watched people passed by our umbrellaless table.

conversations with Ina are definitely going to be missed once she's gone. i can see myself in her-- we think the same, we're into the same things (books, for one HAHA), and i can actually be myself around her without thinking, "oh shit. maybe i'm being too much of a nerd already." does that happen to you? like when you're with a group of people and you start babbling about some advertisement and you try to point out how politically incorrect the ad is.. you start catching yourself babbling on about it. then you become conscious because the people you're talking to might think you're overreacting over some advertisement. or sometimes you feel that people are uninterested in what you're going to say because they couldn't care any less with what happened in the latest Harry Potter installment.

i am a THINKER. i ponder on things a lot. i like to ask questions and find answers to them. i like to stop and smell the flowers. i like to sit and take a breather to talk about things that are substantial. but of course, i do know how to have fun because i can be as goofy as HELL (ask my friends!). i laugh like crazy and when i have a laughing fit, oh dear! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! as i was saying, it's rare when you find someone who thinks like you and share the same outlook in life because you get to say to yourself that you're not too weird afterall. sometimes you have to just let all your thoughts out. otherwise they just rot there. there's a whole lot of comfort in hearing, "I FEEL THE SAME WAY!" or "EXACTLY!". it's more than the comfort you get from drinking hot chocolate on a cold night.

so anyway...

i don't want to jinx our plans but since she's migrating to Canada next month, we've planned to meet up after i graduate so we could share an apartment while we study for graduate school in New York. of course, i must have earned my undergraduate degree by then so i could find a job to pay for rent, bills, and graduate school. if all goes well, my parents will let me live in a city as wild as New York City and contribute to my masters degree fund (my father and i already had a talk about this).

i'm going to chase my dream of seeing the world because this is my DREAM. this is the DREAM. i fell in love with New York as early as my grade school years. if i don't do this... spread my wings and fly, this might be the biggest regret of my life. i figured i can go to graduate school there and then come back home to offer my service for the greater good just as i always hoped i would do some time in the future. i would hate for people to think that i'm one of those fresh graduates who flee the country after graduation. i'm going to leave because my dream is to see the world. i have to satisfy my wanderlust... see where my dream will take me. then i can make plans and put them into order to see what i really want to do with my life and where i'll go from there. i'm not leaving because of financial reasons. i'm going to leave because i need to follow my dream. i'd feel like i'm stuck in a bell jar if i don't spread my wings.

if everything works out, then i'll probably stay there. but if reality slaps me on the face and tells me that i won't make it, I WILL STILL STAY anyway and allow myself to grow. i need to see what life is like to be able to lean on myself. i need to see if i'd survive... if i'm fit enough to chase the dream.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
-The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

it's a win-win situation, right? i can always return back home if i realize i'm not happy there. so i'm going for it!

my only hope is for Paulo Coelho's words to be true:

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
-The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

so give me a pat on the back and wish me good luck!

---

i have allergies. my nose is itchy like hell! i don't know if it's because i cuddled Amidala on my lap and kissed her a hundred times today or because of the pollution. arghh.

now back to my practicum paper... two more days yahoo!

alien invasion!

i just woke up. i slept so tight that i dreamt of *drum roll please* ALIEN INVASION!!! it was so weird because in my dream they were disguised as military people! i happened to be at a mall with Jane (haha! yes, Jane! you were there!) and then all of a sudden the alarm went off along with the lights. then a man announced from the PA system that everyone should hide. so everyone ran in panic! i picked a dressing room and mitchie and i squeezed ourselves there to hide. i was so scared! when the aliens came, they let us line up like what they do in the military and randomly pick on you! like when i got picked they let me sing in Arabic and i didn't know any Arabic song except the UAE national anthem so i picked that and sang nervously. i got spared from death and mitchie too.

told you that was weird but it scared me HAHA! i dreamt of ALIEN INVASION and it wasn't even 5pm yet! hayy.

so anyway, when i got home i drew these (told you it's a new hobby!). i experimented by doodling with MS Paint and then editing at Adobe Photoshop. ta-da!

for the love of Amidala! ♥

another one...

i can't believe that it's the weekend already! yayness!

crazy over Maroon 5

a year after hearing Maroon 5 for the first time, the hype must have faded by now right? but NOOO. i'm more crazier than i was before over Maroon 5 and i'm becoming impatient because they haven't toured Manila yet! i checked their website (www.maroon5.com) and checked their tour skeds because i've been hearing their songs like my ultimate favorites "Must Get Out" and "Sunday Morning". i figured that since these radio stations keep playing the one year old songs... there must be some promotion thing going on for an upcoming tour. but NO. that just makes me sad. i swear, if they come here... i'll buy the BEST tickets as soon as possible!

my sister's boyfriend left his cd here a couple of months back and i am yet to return it or until i get my own copy because of course, i want my copy to be signed when Maroon 5 gets here.

yikes. crazy fan girl.

i hate goodbyes

i made a friends only banner for my Livejournal! HAHAHA! :) this is what free time at the office (PGH), a laptop, MS Paint, and a very much beach-deprived brain can do in a span of a few minutes! from this to this:

here's another one! i love rainbows :) it symbolizes hope for me :)oh wow! i have a new hobby! HAHA! so what if i'm not good at drawing?! it's doodling! that's the fun part! anything goes!

you know i'm such a big DORK with a capital "D". you know why? because while i was doodling that rainbow on Paint... i was singing that rainbow song i learned in nursery school! it goes like this:

red and yellow and pink and green
purple and orange and blue
i can see a rainbow, see a rainbow,
i can see a rainbow too.

good ol' Diplomatic School Days! :) they taught me the 7 colors of the rainbow! HAHAHA!

practicum ends next week tuesday! WOW! that fasttt! i had a blast! HAHA! that rhymes. okay. i'm corny now. but we're busy until next week. there's a symposium that my groupmates and i are hosting on monday as a wrap-up for the shift at Infection Control Unit of PGH. then there's the presentation of paper on tuesday *gasp* and finally... saying goodbye to the wonderful people (nurses, clerks, Mrs. Gomez..) who took us in. hayy.

while i was away..

while i was away... i attended a HIV/AIDS seminar and candlelight memorial thing at St. Scholastica's College in Manila.

initially wrote this on saturday but i got too lazy to blog:

i attended the 22nd International AIDS Candelight Memorial Turning Remembrance Into Action: Uniting the Nation Through Shared Responsibility which took place at the St. Scholastica College in Manila today. it was only the second day of the three day seminar. at the entrance, my practicum groupmates and i were greeted by a friendly Scholastican who handed us our name tags and a red ribbon in the shape of the AIDS awareness symbol. the first hour, we were seated uncomfortably trying to ignore the heat.

when the speakers came, things started to get interesting. among the interesting people who spoke were Dr. Ditangco (a specialist on HIV/AIDS) and an HIV positive patient from the Positive Action Foundation Philippines Incorporated. he spoke about the first few years of learning that he was positive of HIV and how he maintained his health 15 (yes! believe it!) years after he was first diagnosed. he still looks very healthy now and despite the 15 years of living life with HIV, it hasn't progressednd to AIDS because he receives treatment regularly. he worked in Makati before but after he learned that he was HIV positive, he resigned and devoted his life to being a counsellor and caregiver to his fellow HIV positive patients. he is now with PAFPI and although he's currently tired and worn out at the moment for being active in educating the public with HIV/AIDS, he still tries to to people who need his support.

compared to other HIV/AIDS patients, he is lucky to be surrounded by people who understand him. according to him, he wasn't discriminated by his former boss and his family understood when he told them about his health condition. in fact, he still goes home to Laguna once in a while when he's very tired and his town welcomes him without discrimination.

my groupmates and i were able to ask him for an ambush interview in which he gladly said yes. we chose a shady place with long benches. i could see how positive his outlook in life is because he talked animatedly. he said he already accepted his fate and he has played a big role in the advocacy of HIV/AIDS awareness. in fact, he picks up the medicine for treatment himself at the customs office and tries to fight for the rights of his fellow patients. he already came out to the public via the media and he said he wasn't afraid when he decided to come out because he knew his rights and if people violate it, he knows the proper procedures to take.

it was an interesting afternoon! then the doctor invited our group to join the poster making contest in which i am very sure Mitchie will bag first place! haha! her drawing was awesome and to think that she just rushed her artwork!!!

i thank God because he brought me there. it is through education and thorough understanding of HIV/AIDS and the situation of it that i came to care about the condition of HIV/AIDS not only in the Philippines but around the world as well. i feel for the victims. i feel for the patients who have financial difficulties thus the inability to avail the expensive medication. but through Dr. Dayrit, they were able to get medicine in low prices. however, by the change of administration at the Department of Health, our interviewee fears that these low-priced generic medicine (which comes all the way from India) might sky rocket when they go back to buying medicine from big pharmaceutical companies.

the mini photo gallery of portraits of HIV/AIDS patients around Asia gave me goosebumps. there was one portrait of a family who are all AIDS victims. the father died last year, according to our interviewee.

day two of the seminar starts tomorrow where Dr. Dayrit will be the key speaker. there's also the candle lighting ceremony which will be held at the open field of St. Scholastica.

DAY 2
oh my! Day 2 was hilarious! all of us won something! mitchie won first place for the poster making... i brought home an Ovaltine loot bag! HAHAH! ovalteenies overdose! cha and raymond won t-shirts from Levi's and Ave's name was called too but she went home already. sayang!

there were a lot of rap during the program. no. scratch that. RAP took over the whole program. the Butta Flava Entertainment group took over the stage and i think i can not hear rap music for about 5 years. i had more than my share, thank you.

as long as you're living, you'll never stop learning. agree?

apology: i apologize for using the terms "HIV patients" or "victims". i just read today from an AIDS newsletter that the United Nations Development Program and its AIDS program said that they should be known as "people living with HIV or AIDS" because by saying "patient", it means that they rely on doctors. by "victims"... i forgot what it implies but i'll get back to you on that. :)

look! i messed up my layout because of the large pictures. will fix that later. meanwhile, i'll go to bed now. ta-ta!

random things of today

i want to buy shirts with attitude (specifically sarcastic lines) but i'm too lazy to go to the mall and try out shirts before buying them. i'm lazy that way. my patience for trying out clothes before buying them went out the window a long long time ago. oh well. maybe next week

there are shirts for sale at school but of course, there are sarcastic and boastful messages like: U.P. ako, ikaw? and I think, therefore I'm from U.P.. the freshies line up for those shirts. haha! but of course! proud sila and for just 150 pesos! i know it's mean but each time my friends and i see freshies with their parents, we snicker. haha :P i knowww! we went through the same ordeal. like me! haahaa! i had to ask my mother to line up and enroll for me. teehee.

my mother made blueberry muffins. when i woke up from my cat nap, the house smelled of freshly baked muffins. when i got to the dining room, there was a huge freshly baked chocolate cake with icing on top PLUS the blueberry muffins. just when i decide to eat healthy... my mother ruins it. hehe. i only had muffins, though. topped with Anchor soft butter Mmmm! good!

the rents have been unpacking since last week so that makes it one week already. too many stuff! there are still lots and lots of boxes waiting to be unpacked.

i'm going to be attending a seminar on HIV/AIDS awareness at St. Scholastica's College in Manila tomorrow until Sunday. i feel lazy to go all the way to Manila during the weekend because i should be relaxing slash bumming at home. argh. good thing my father offered to drive me instead of commuting the good ol' fashioned way.



HIV/AIDS/STD awarenessi forgot to bring my digicam but good thing these pictures came out decently. at the Hygiene Clinic in front of San Lazaro Hospital. culture shock, i tell you. ironically, although it's supposed to be a "hygiene clinic", the place is dirty! it's located at a abandoned looking building when in fact you'll have to take the backdoor to get to the so-called clinics. there were shocking photographs of people with STD. i'll spare you the details. you have dinner pa. :P



coffee to go for the love of coffee, i no longer need to buy a ridiculously overpriced cup of iced/hot coffee from the school cafeteria anymore.



end of the world? taken just 15 minutes ago. when i looked out the window i got scared. everything looked REDDISH! no photoshop editing whatsoever. I SWEARRR.


just the two of us the little puppy wants to say HI :) i love her more and more each day!!! :)



must take the camera out more often and take pictures of everything. heeh. i miss my click-happy days.
i'm watching Spongebob Squarepants now haha and i want to go out tomorrow night.

disclaimer: just a few opinions. no violent reactions please. just sharing.

i love talking with my practicum groupmates. i can talk to them about things that bother me-- the more serious ones without feeling like a dork because they share their opinions too and actually engage in debates.

today we were seated around the conference table again trying to work on our paper on HIV/AIDS. we started the conversation by talking about nonsensical things such as the latest gossip (*gasp* si Ramos? mastermind pala yung ate niya sa murder niya!) and some silly things. i don't know when it started but we talked about the present situation of the undying male vs. female issue-- the absurd television advertisements where women are degraded. remember that instant noodle commercial? the father and children wait for mom who's stuck in traffic on a rainy night. the father and children wait for mom until late in the evening, couldn't go to bed yet because they haven't had dinner? when mom comes (tired and haggard), she pulls out packets of instant noodles to feed her hungry family.

i mean... wtf? so the father would rather go starving along with his children than pulling cooking instant noodles himself? Filipino women of today carry a heavier load on their back-- they work and then when they go home they are expected to be the traditional Filipino mom-- they clean, they cook, they take care of the children... they basically take care of the whole household!

another advertisement: it's for a germ-killing soap. the first scene shows the daughter with her horrendous wrinkled school uniform, dad stands beside the toaster with burnt toasts, and the son... i don't remember. the second scene shows the mom inside the bedroom on her bed blowing her nose. mom is sick. she looks out the bedroom door as her family waves goodbye before they leave. a voice inside her head tells her that she can't afford to be sick because no one's going to take care of the family. i mean... she's SICK FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! but of course, she feels guilty because she's sick, she can't take care of her family's morning routine. sigh.

isn't it sad? i mean it's cool when you think that life revolves around women and life can't be easy without women because they take care of everything but sometimes it gets absurd-- the fact that too much dependency on women actually stagnates her growth as a person especially in a conservative country such as hours when tradition and religion still dictate society.

so yeah. that was our topic for today and we moved onto premarital sex and the use of condoms to abortion (both the pros and cons and how abortion would be justified). sometimes i think it's better to not care about present issues that stay afloat amidst the other problems of the country. but when you look at the big picture, these "small issues" aren't just issues at all because they do affect the society as a whole. like health, for example. tubercolosis and AIDS may be just an epidemic (my practicum adviser claims that it's already a pandemic) and the government is not even giving enough budget for health to solve the spreading of the diseases... but are they going to wait until the whole thing blows over? it's easier to control a smaller group than wait for the group of affected individuals to grow until you can't contain the spreading of the disease anymore, right? afterall, great things start from small beginnings. besides, these are also social issues because they affect (if not now..they will in the future) the society as a whole.

you won't believe how well-written our laws are but it is in the implementation of these laws we fail. and that is so sad. sayang ang talino ng mga Pilipino!

the Philippine General Hospital

every morning since practicum started, i do the same things-- wake up at 5am, struggle to keep my eyes open for more than five minutes, robotically walk to the bathroom and turn on the freezing cold shower, get dressed, then if i'm lucky... i get to eat breakfast. if not, i just make myself a glass of ice cold coffee or a hot mug then i'm out of the house in a second. sometimes i make a sandwich and slip it into a sandwich bag so i can eat breakfast when i get to the hospital. the village gate is a five minute walk away from my house. so i get to enjoy that five minutes thinking of whatever thoughts and appreciating the morning. i love mornings that way. over the past three years of college life and taking a public transport vehicle, i have already come to appreciate the perks of commuting including that five minute walk to where i usually get my ride.

the highlight of my morning would probably be the time when i arrive at the Philippine General Hospital an hour later. this hospital is probably the busiest of all... morning, day, or night... you'll see a lot of people within and outside the hospital grounds. being at a public hospital is not a pretty sight-- sad faces are present everywhere especially when i walk along the eerie hallways on the way to the unit my group is assigned. the charity wards are always full and the air is really thick inside that i bet it's so hard to breathe in there. interns, doctors, and hospital personnel scurry like busy ants. stretchers, wheel chairs, and people with crutches would zoom pass by me. at 8am, the place is already buzzing with activity. as a child, i wanted to work at a hospital because i felt that i belonged there. i loved the smell of disinfectant because for me it was the smell of clean. last week my practicum instructor toured my group around the hospital-- to the blood bank, the laboratories, and the charity wards. at the laboratory, the smell of formaline was so strong that it made me feel sick. then we were told that inside that particular lab, human flesh extracted from biopsies are tested there to find out if a patient has cancer or not. next stop was the charity wards. i couldn't believe that the patients would actually go there to heal and that the ward we visited was for the more serious ones. i wondered how they sleep at night in a room as humid as that and in a room you shared with several sickly others. we went to the Intensive Care Unit too and when asked if we wanted to go inside and observe, all of my groupmates including myself declined. i think we were silently thinking of the same thing-- we didn't want to stare death in the eye. the reality of death was already too overwhelming. i prodded the instructor if we could go see the morgue. i thought when else would i get that chance to tour the hospital and actually see the places which are off limits? the rest of my groupmates shouted "eeewwww" in unison. to my dismay, we weren't able to see the morgue but hopefully in the next hospital tour.

so mitchie asked if i still wanted to work in the hospital. she said "kita mo na? tapos gusto mo magtrabaho sa ospital!". i was supposed to be turned-off (hehe the term!) but i wasn't. it might have been a shock to me to see so many sick people like that and stare death closely but the experience, this whole practicum thing at the hospital has enabled me to gain further understanding that life is fragile. life isn't fair-- while some can avail state-of-the-art facilities from top hospitals, some people go to the Philippine General Hospital in hopes of getting the best medical care in a very affordable price. while some people go to hospitals with accomodating lobbies that look more like hotel lobbies, there are people who welcome the smell of Death and melancholy in a public hospital such as the PGH.

entering the hospital is similar to entering an entirely different world. i've learned so much to think that i'm just an observer-- not exactly a participant of the activities that goes on at PGH.

my groupmates and i are scheduled to interview the social worker at the PGH and observe at the Out Patient Department. i can't wait!

Gail as a boy

enough serious talk! these are hilarious pictures that my cousin Zeniel took of me when i wore that army costume complete with jacket and cap! hahaha! we were at the garage laughing our asses off. i also wore the hip-hop jersey get-up and it was so funny!!! this is how i'd look like if i were a boy...



mwahaha! funneh!

i will sing, i will praise

long overdue gradeschool reunion photos :) some are from my cam but most are care of Hana and Jezrel (thanks guys!). heeh :)

switched back to blogspot's premade template because i feel like it. i can't seem to stick to one particular template because i'm indecisive that way. but oh well. i said i'd stay away from the internet but look at me now. i should be in bed because it's almost midnight (haha feeling Cinderella!). but i'm still enjoying the sound of rain outside my window. it's rare, you know. it was really hot today. i thought i'd get heatstroke or something on my way home. today i realized how good it feels to feel "infinite" (if you've read The Perks of Being a Wallflower, you'll get what i mean) despite the imperfections of life. like shit happens, yes. but the imperfections of life is what makes life perfect. yes? think about it. when everything's perfect, you'll no longer appreciate high times anymore because it's like normal for you to be high like that. i need space for self-improvement like i want to know GOD more. i have a strong faith, that's for sure. but i feel the need to do more like maybe pay more attention to the Bible because honestly, i don't know much about the Bible.

do you know this song by Don Moen? it's called I Will Sing.

Lord You seem so far away. A million miles or more it feels today.
And though I haven't lost my faith, I must confess right now that it's hard for me to pray.
But I don't know what to say and I don't know where to start.
But as you give the grace with all that's in my heart.

I will sing.
I will praise even in my darkest time through the sorrow and the pain.
I will sing. I will praise.
Lift my hands to honor You because Your word is true. I will sing.

i want to know God more. i want to be a better person. i want to speak less ill off people. the past sunday while hanging out with Jez, we talked about faith. she asked me (or was i the one who asked her?) if i was religious... i said i don't think i'm religious but i'm a very spiritual person and i believe in a Higher Being-- GOD. as much as possible i want to live a good life by offering my life to HIM and to people as well. i want to learn to be more of a "human doing" than just a "human being". i want to be able to feel that i've accomplished something after this life... kind of like what Anne Frank said in her diary when she said she wanted to live forever even after she leave this world. there was something peaceful about walking at the UP campus with trees and all as Jez and i talked about our faith. the only very wrong thing about it all was the weather because it was humid. but the surrounding trees helped a lot. at least it sort of provided a little cooling in the air. :)

if you remember the line in the movie A Walk to Remember, Landon mentioned that "Jamie's love was like the wind. I can't see it but I can feel it all the time." Same goes for GOD's love.

wish me luck on my journey to self-discovery and getting closer to GOD. i pray that i won't stray away.

happy birthday pa, happy mother's day ma

it's my father's birthday today and it's also mother's day! :) my father is not feeling well, though. asthma attack because my parents both started unpacking yesterday. you wouldn't believe how many humongous boxes there are in this house. just looking at them stresses me out already. i wonder how we can unpack all those things!

so i just came home from my cousins'. i was supposed to stay for a day and a night there but hanging out with my cousins and aunt is always fun so i decided to stay a day more with my sister. i missed Amidala! i made a mango shake. finally made up my mind to slice them mangoes and drop them into the blender with ice and little sugar and water Fruitas or Big Chill style. i can't believe i pay 50 bucks for a small cup of fruit shake when i'm at the mall. then again when i crave, i really crave. i've been addicted to melon shake and mango shake since last week. must be the dry throat caused by extreme heat of summer. i can't wait till summer bids us farewell.

i'll be cutting my internet/computer hours from now on. what mitchie and paulo shared about too much computer disturbed me. oh well. lets see how this will go.

our heroes

ever actually stopped and thought of how lucky we are to have parents? people who sacrifice for us... people who put their needs last just to meet our needs and make us feel safe. last friday Mrs. Gomez (my practicum supervisor) sat with us around the conference table for a good two hours. our conversation was both intellectually stimulated and thought provoking in such a way that we discussed current political issues until we discussed parents and their sacrifices.

Mrs. Gomez is a mother herself and she said that being a parent, it is true what they say about "parent instinct". children may be silent about their worries or the things they do but parents know. now aren't we all disappointed? just as we thought we could get away... we find out that parents know? hehe. there also comes a point in a parent's life when he/she put his/her needs before their children.

after the discussion, i couldn't help but think about my parents-- how many sacrifices did they make for my sister and i? where do they get the wisdom of parenting? when i think of having a child of my own, the thought of the growth and personality of the child depending entirely on me and my parenting skills scare me to death. who wouldn't be scared? what if somewhere along the way you take a wrong turn and end up bringing up a child in a totally wrong way?

i salute all parents for knowing what they do and actually doing a great job at it. five stars or even more for my parents for showing me the world and teaching me how to stand up each time i fall. they never pressure me to do the things i don't want to and although i haven't been such a perfect daughter lately (hey! i have shortcomings you know..), they still try to understand me. i apologize to my mother if sometimes it seems like i don't appreciate her telling me what to do. i'm sure she just wants to teach me lessons that i shouldn't forget until i become a mother myself. last night i thanked her for being such a great mother. i said although she's makulit and that i may show that i don't appreciate her teaching me what to do, i still appreciate all of that 100% and more. she said, "someday you'll be a makulit and great mom yourself. i love you!". that just made me smile! there may be times when i tell myself i don't want to be a neat-freak like her, i know in many ways i want to be just like her when i become a mother. i want to be there for my family all the way and give my 100%. my mother makes this family feel safe and that makes a world of a difference along with her unconditional love.

as for my father, he has always been the family guy. i have no memory of him not being around. he doesn't have vices. he quit drinking a long time ago and he quit smoking before my sister and i became teenagers. i saw him struggle to quit smoking. when asked why he went through the tough stage of quitting, he said my sister and i were growing up and he didn't want us to pick up smoking from him. that was a sacrifice. oftentimes, he'd also think of his family first before himself. he's a great father and last night when i greeted him a happy birthday when the clock struck 12am, i told him i want nothing more but for him to take of himself because he's not getting any younger. that means more excercise and eating healthy! i love my father for his hilarious corny jokes, his sentimental side, and his ability to listen to my sister and i before reacting. i am the daddy's girl and although there may be times i complain endlessly about not growing in the eyes of my father, i love being the daddy's girl.

having parents like my parents makes me secure that i just might be a good parent to my children because i have great teachers! lucky me :)

Happy Birthday Papa and Happy Mother's Day to your Mama!

good morning, sleepyhead

today was the sleepiest i've ever been! i can't sleep earlier than 1am. what's up with that? it's so annoying! especially when i wake up late and have no time at all for breakfast. i end up being drowsey as hell on the way to school. the drowsiness then continues to haunt me the whole day until i can no longer keep my head up. today i was so tired that when i got home two hours later, i fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

i was at Paranaque with my groupmates. we were supposed to do interviews regarding ou research paper on the HIV/AIDS law but the first principal we approached was so rude that we just left the building without going back. the next stop... Paranaque. imagine us driving all the way to Sucat and then be ridiculously power-tripped by yet another principal. argh! it was annoying. good thing the guidance counsellor willingly answered our questions and imparted her knowledge on HIV/AIDS awareness at their school.

then we went home. i have practicum homework... papers that we need to presend to Mrs. Gomez tomorrow morning before we go to a school in Cavite for more interviews.

our stuff from Abu Dhabi which my parents shipped all the way from there to Manila finally arrived-- furniture as well as the other things we got during the 6 years living at the Emirates. it actually came in two huge containers. one is for the furniture, etc. and the other one is for the car. yes, they brought the car here. it took the ship 2 months (or more) before it got here. hassle, yes? so now they're bringing the stuff into the house. i can't wait to see my old PC as well as my old things when i still lived there. i'm such a sentimental person that it's ridiculous sometimes. i like keeping old movie/theater tickets, scraps of paper, even popsicle sticks as long as they have a good memory attached to it!

looks like i'm going to be awake until past midnight again. i'm waiting for Paulo's email regarding our paper. dumdeedum.

here's a baby picture i want to share with you (take note of the rockerish hair! hahaha!)


this is me with my cousin some time in 1986.


okay bye!

bahh. i'm pooped.

wow! i'm so tired! practicum. argh. it was so tiring but FUN. i can't imagine not being with my practicum groupmates-- Cha, Raymond, Mitchie, and Paulo! every single day with them is fun. laugh trip and gossip galore! mwahaha! legwork is always fun. of course, without kuya Raymond... we'd be commuting under the scorching hot sun. thank goodness he volunteers to drive us to places whenever he can :) interviews again tomorrow. tiring but we've been pretty productive regardless of how much time we spend laughing our asses off while joking at the conference room where we stay.

during lunchtime, i hanged out with mitchie and paulo. we walked to Rob Place for lunch and to kill time. The Body Shop is on sale! i got 2 tubes of lip and cheek stain for a price of one because they're on special offer :) lip and cheek tint is the only everyday "make-up" i wear aside from Johnson's Baby Powder! haha! i might go back for The Spirit of Moonflower-- my all time favorite scent aside from Ralph by Ralph Lauren. both have floral scent and they're not too strong either. mitchie and i saw shoes that we want at Hush Puppies-- beige Mary Janes for her and a pair of flats (like Birks) for me. when i was younger, i thought Hush Puppies shoes were made of real puppy skin! ayee! haha! the shoes are both gorgeous, they're both so comfy too!

then we went to Popeyes because Pau and Mitch wanted to eat. laugh trip over lunch! plus... i told stories of sad lives and it made me teary eyed again. omigad. why does that always have to happen regardless of how happy or sad i am?

then before we went home, Mrs. Gomez toured us around PGH especially the wards/units where HIV/AIDS patients are taken when they need to undergo blood tests and confinement. The Philippine General Hospital is such an enormous public hospital. we toured the charity wards where serious patients are confined. it was creepy. the ward was crowded, the air was stuffy, and every patient wore this sad facial expression that would just break your heart! we saw the laboratories too-- biochem lab, pathology lab, bacteriology lab, etc. we passed by this lab door and it stunk like formaline and it turned out that inside is where human flesh for biopsy are studied! we'll be having another tour before we end practicum.

i'm going to miss these people when i'm done with practicum! (cameraphone pics)

paulo, mitchie, and i.


paulo!!! 7 days! *gasp*


mitchie looks serious here but she's just doodling. mwahahaha!!!


Raymond Bidabida during our visit to the University of Perpetual Help Rizal, Las Pinas.


ate Cha at the hallway of PGH.


me and mitchie :P


at Makati Public High conducting an interview. that's mitch and ate Cha.


this is Cinnaroll from Happy Meal at McDonald's. Mitchie thought i was joking when i said i was ordering a Happy Meal because i want Cinnaroll. :)

my growing wisdom tooth is still painful like HELL. it has been two days now. non-stop. i should resort to painkillers to get some sleep at night. it hurts even more when i eat. okay bye. i'm TIRED.

new layout because i want to

i was supposed to go to eastwood tonight to watch The Interpreter with my sister and friends but i fell asleep. when my sister tried to wake me up, i just mumbled words i can't remember but i'm sure i might've said that i didn't want to watch anymore. so i slept for hours because i didn't get to sleep last night-- blame it one another wisdom tooth (WAHHH!) that's slowling (and painfully!) making its way up. it hurt the whole day too so i had to just doze the pain off.

another new layout featuring Garden State and the color green because i love green. discovered a couple of cool sites/blogs too which kept me amused during the rest of the evening i was awake.

i'm so crazy over pineapple. yes, pineapple! with salt. heeh :) i almost finished a plateful of slices of pineapple and i feel bloated. eck. but at least it's fruit!

i'm going now. the shower is calling me and maybe Garden State again before i go to bed. g'bye!

Sunday

swimming yesterday with my grade school friends was fun. we played games at the pool and the diving for a five peso coin under the pool got my eyes bloodshot and my head throbbing with a headache. the food was okay. lunch at McDonald's and dinner of two boxes of pizza. a huge box of freshly baked brownies by my mother kept our tummies from rumbling during the afternoon as well as bottles of fizzy drinks and chips which Albert and i got from the nearby supermarket. UBE (Ultimate Bonding Experience hehe) at Starbucks, The Loop before midnight after dinner, camwhoring, and talking . then it was home for me. i was supposed to watch Garden State at past 1am but i was already too tired (my body ached like hell and my eyes watered like crazy) so i crashed on my bed with fluffy pillows and all and dozed off in less than a few minutes.

the next morning i woke up at 11am. ack. it has been a while since i last overslept like that. i still had the killer migraine after the long sleep. this afternoon i watched Finding Neverland again and my eyes watered again. hay. it's such an inspiring movie which fits my favorite quote from Under the Tuscan Sun, "Never lose your childhood enthusiasm." i think people need more of childlike enthusiasm in them. in a crazy world we live in, we get caught up in the topsy-turvey world of our jobs, school, or life in general. children do know how to have fun. yes, they are naive but sometimes people stress out on too many things that they actually forget to stop and breathe a little. the movie is magical for me. i wish i could believe in Santa Claus and fairies again. it's nice to believe that such creatures exist... that Neverland is not too faraway where children remain children forever and where you get to leave all your troubles. James Barrie was a genius.

i'm off to watch The Garden State now. i just came home from church with my family and then dinner. okay bye!

[edit @ 12:12AM]

Garden State
a refreshing movie. i personally think Zach Braff is a genius! by refreshing, i mean the story is different. it's not your typical movie and i don't know why it wasn't shown here at the theaters. the soundtrack is awesome too! i've been downloading songs from the soundtrack. natalie portman is a versatile actress. she can act really mature (Closer) and can switch back to being younger than she really is (Garden State). people deal with all kinds of shit phases in their lives. sometimes we wish we were numb (i know i do) but come to think of it... it still feels good to actually FEEL even if it HURTS because thats what reminds us that we're human... susceptible to every form of pain among a long list of emotions. it reminds us that we're ALIVE. there were also a lot of kilig moments and scenes when you wish you had your own personal "Large" doing those things for/to you because face it, girls. it does feel good when someone gives up something really big just to be with you!

If Only
at the beginning, you'd get caught in between liking or hating the movie. i know i did. i got to a point when i wanted to switch off the tv and go back to my downloading Garden State sountrack mp3s. but i still watched it and the movie was able to draw my attention back to it in the ending because of the twist. it even made me cry. the probable reason why i wasn't too affected in the beginning at all was because i don't have anyone that i am capable of loving that much yet. but if i imagine myself in the shoes of someone who was about to lose a loved one, i know it would drive me crazy. if i ever lose someone i love so much, i know it would drive me straight to the mental hospital or maybe i'd beg a doctor to heavily medicate me just so i could run away from pain. no wait. i just said pain makes us feel most human. bleh. i'm now contradicting myself. maybe it's on a case-to-case basis. hehe. but i'm just exaggerating just so you would now what losing someone would do to me.

so much for my movie watching spree (funny i called it that even if it was just two movies!). now i'm back to cable tv. hello, Oprah.