it's 1am, i must be lonely (NOT!)

i'm still awake which isn't really surprising because i'm usually up at this hour. i'm at the other room with the big windows open and i can actually see outside. it kind of creeps me out because it's pitch dark and it's very cold. having this notebook around is pretty convenient considering that i used to lock myself up in the room where i keep my eyes glued in front of the PC doing whatever things: blog, surf, read blogs, download, write, or whatever i set my mind to. now i can migrate to different spots in the house. my favorites are: the dining room, the living room, and this bedroom because a third tv is installed here. convenient, huh? so since this afternoon because of my fruitless efforts of finding things to do... i turned to the notebook where i installed Limewire and iTunes-- my basic necessities as of the moment to fill my thirst for music.

my cousin also lent me books. i started on The Class already. i'm already past around five pages of the book. it's pretty interesting. it's about a group of students from Harvard-- Harvard class of 1953. at present, there's this big reunion where members of class of '53 will gather after long long years of not seeing each other. then there are these five particular members of the class whose lives are featured. i just started on the first one. it looks pretty interesting, kind of reminds me of how my future class reunion would be like. will i be scared stiff, afraid of showing my face to my batchmates because i'm still not successful? or will i be confident because i already accomplished things?

don't you feel really scared sometimes when you stop and realize that time moves pretty fast? i know i am. senior year is going to start soon (like in less than two weeks!) and i'm SCARED. i don't know what to expect. two years from now i wonder where i'd be. will i still be in this room typing on this blog about how frustrated i am for not being able to move forward? or will i be typing on this blog about my insane but wonderful adventures as i see one new place after the other?

sometimes i'd lay on my bed at night and dream of me traveling and telling stories of my adventures. on sleepless nights when even hot milk couldn't do the trick, i'd think of where i'd be in the future. i have faith in myself, believe me. in high school i set these goals for myself and when i read my old journal and analyzed those goals, i achieved ALL OF THEM. that scares me, you know. winning all the time. but i'm less scared now so don't worry. college has taught me that i can never WIN ALL THE TIME. sometimes i'm bitter of how life taught me that lesson in a hard way but i have come to terms that life isn't perfect. i am not perfect and i think i grew up expecting that i'd make mistakes that aren't really in my hands to avoid.

okay great. now i'm being sentimental here. but that's what past 1am does to me when everyone's asleep and i'm the only soul in this house that's still wide awake. it's either that or the glass of caffeinated soda i drank this evening.

whatever it is... it's making me senti. i'll stop now.