bwahaha. chased Amidala around the house just to take snapshots of her. ang kulit! napagod ako! :D she's one of the best things that happened to me in 2004!



best things of 2004:

1. summer 2004
in between juggling two summer classes, i was able to do a lot of things! yes, i am a super woman. haha! :P

»the field trip to Mt. Banahaw to meet the Rizalistas with my PI100 class. the uber steep stairs and freaking scary slippery steps to and fro. it was scary. i call it "death steps". bonding with classmates. the bus ride back to manila. the laugh trips. the kwentuhans.

»the beach trips to Nasugbu and Subic. the endless soaking under the sun (even if i was already very toasted). the laughs with kuya john, ate, and moses during the trips. the white beaches that were so beautiful! the endless foodtrips during the road trips.

»road trip to Baguio from Pampanga. me taking pictures of anything and anyone. the storm after swimming in Pangasinan on the way back up to Baguio. the food trips at Burnham park. the horror flick fests. the memories.

»tagaytay. mushroom burger for breakfast. ghost stories at kuya john's family home up in tagaytay. starbucks in tagaytay at night. stargazing. free pizza. dinner at leslie's from nasugbu beach trip.

»pampanga. swimming in a pool at a resort. taking pictures of that poor dead dragonfly.

2. Amidala
» the family shih tzu! she's the nicest dog i've ever met. she hardly barks. she likes sleeping as soon as she hears the television on. she eats a lot. she's not growing taller anymore which makes her look like a toy. she likes cuddling especially if i tickel her from under her ears.

3. Lessons learned
» far too many. the trials didn't kill me. they made me stronger.

4. laughtrips at the cafeteria at school
» tambay at the canteen with my college friends/blockmates. the laugh trips. being silly. cramming for quizzes or daily recitations. gossip fests (aminin! hahaha!)

5. lunch with AUH friend Sherwin
» sherwin and i were classmates in PIPS. we became closer some time this year back when he still lived in malate. he was my instant "lunch buddy" and katambay whenever i needed to kill time. i can talk to him about anything i feel like talking about.

6. last full shows at galle or eastwood
» i'd be in the movie house even after midnight with my sister and her boyfriend. they became my instant ka-buddies because they always ask me out to watch movies. i love last full shows. i don't know why. :) eastwood cinema is the best. it's cozy inside and it's not crowded. i hate it when people are noisey in cinemas too.

7. Enchanted Kingdom trip with high school friends
» this was fun. i missed my AUH friends. so we met up and went to the amusement park. i had a blast with them although the girls didn't ride the rollercoaster. i was scared too! :) heehee!

8. my 19th birthday
» got together with my old college barkada (minus scelda). proved that apple has high tolerance for alcohol (hehe) even if i already threw up she could still gulp down a shot of Arctic vodka.

9. tambay at Scelda's place in Antipolo
» was supposed to stay for just a night but April and Scelda asked me to stay another day more. we went to the gym (haha!) after pigging out for late lunch. was supposed to watch a movie but we were already late.

10. terrific professors during first sem of junior year
» i love my professors during the first semester. every one of them. they're my favorites.

the list goes on :) the list is not in order. just thought i'd recall all the good things of 2004.

11. lack of sleep
» ...for studying! the killer courses in NatSci4 (but thankfully i passed after those killer departmentals!) and POLSCI160. the sleepless nights cramming and stuffing bits and pieces of information that my brain could absorb to save my dear life. the gulping of mugs of hot coffee just to get perky while the whole house sleeps tightly. the writing of long papers for my professors.

12. orgASM
Organization of Area Studies Majors (OrgASM) and the fun team building at Laguna. the freshies getting wasted. the only 3 juniors (including me!) that came. the funny seniors. the quiet sophies. the all-nighter. the laugh trips. the lack of sleep. the fun fun fun! the bonding, of course! then there's the org anniversary which was a huge success. a couple of misunderstandings here and there but in the end everyone was happy and proud of the success.

13. gabriel elijah
Crystal giving birth to the cutest and most adorable baby! take note: he's the first baby of the block and that makes the little guy extra special!

i'm really bored and i feel bad because i wasn't able to catch yesterday's episode of Starting Over at ETC. yes, i'm into that show. i used to criticize it like why would you go to the Starting Over house just to change your life the other way around? but it does make sense, you know. sometimes you need people to push you a little to make that change. when you're left alone, you'll end up making mistakes over and over again. guidance won't kill. it actually helps.

i can't believe it's new year's eve later. time passes by too fast it's almost scary (not that i'm complaining). i hear my neighbors play with firecrackers at this very moment. as for my family, we don't usually light up firecrackers on new year's eve. my family and i just go out to the street outside the gate. we then watch our neighbors' suicidal attempts to light killer firecrackers. they have guts, i tell you. they fearlessly light up that deadly thing that should be illegal. but it's okay. it's amusing to have all that noise when the clock strikes 12am. my uncle turns on his car's alarm all the time just to add to the noise. i, on the otherhand, still believe in jumping as high as i can in hopes of adding a few inches to my height. but to no avail, obviously.

last night i was talking to a friend on YM. i kept ranting about how i want to breakaway from the tradition of spending new year's eve at home. i want to watch a fireworks display. they have an annual fireworks display and countdown in The Fort yearly, right? that's where i want to go. but i doubt that my family members would allow me to be absent during the traditional Medya Noche. all we do is eat, talk, watch the clock until it strikes midnight, watch neighbors play with death, then head off to bed. it sounds boring but sometimes it's pretty okay to spend it like that. this year (er, later) i want to watch fireworks. but i doubt that it's going to happen. boo for traditions.

new year's resolutions? i don't really make a list because i'd end up disappointing myself if i don't realise the list. so what for, right?

Have a Happy and Safe New Year, EVERYONE :)

i'm better now, all thanks to paracetamol. my eyes are really puffy and the eyebags are really big. i've been sniffing and sneezing since yesterday. i woke up to a bad morning because my head still hurt and my eyes were half-closed from my crying last night. had an argument with my sister but we're okay now. it was my fault everything blew up anyway. i had such a bad day yesterday because of the issues i had to deal with (like my inability to think straight so i took it out on my sister which was unfair for her). but she forgave me after the fight because she started talking to me after a while like nothing happened. weird, huh?

watched the tv the whole day. the news was depressing. i'm starting to think that the movie "The Day After Tomorrow" might be realised.

the signs:

1. Jane's in Abu Dhabi(my home for 3 years) for the holidays and it never rains there but she blogged about the non-stop raining the past few days. hello? it only rains once in a blue moon in Abu Dhabi!

2. the earthquakes in Japan and another asian country which i forgot...

3. another earthquake which triggered tsunamis in south asia.

4. killer typhoons in december with different characteristics compared to normal typhoons. plus, typhoons don't normally hit Taiwan but typhoon Yoyong did!

so there. isn't it scary? it is for me or am i just being paranoid? it's sad. death toll already reached 60,000+. i remember two summers ago when i flew back to abu dhabi, there was a stop-over in Bangkok. the plane i was in was headed for Phuket after Bangkok and i remembered how i wanted to go to Phuket. since i was a child people keep ranting about how cool the beaches are over there. now it's just sad. plus, did you watch last night's PIPOL? they featured Maldives. it was so breathtaking, better than Boracay! it was heaven! but after it got hit... the resort is no longer there because it was totally wiped out.

mother nature can really be deadly when she rages like a wild woman. it's sad. made me want to work for a humanitarian organization even more as i watched different organizations (including the UN) strive to give aid to the survivors.

anyway, enough about that. the least i can do right now is pray that no tsunami will hit the country or earthquakes this year. i'm a chicken, i tell you.

oh, i'm bored so i answered a survey i saw from Jiwwie's blog.

Five Things You May Not Know About My Time in School:
1. i was an honor student in high school for 3 years.
2. was never good in math (er, until now actually...)
3. an english teacher ms. jo introduced me to poetry in her english class. i started to write for her projects and she always had comments that inspired me to write some more like "you're really good, write short stories too."
4. in senior year, my english teacher ms. henley wrote a comment under my essay for her quarterly exam: "you write really well, come apply for the school paper."
5. in senior year i was the 3rd runnr up in extempo speech, literary editor for the school paper, won 1st place for poetry writing and 2nd for editorial writing... and did a whole bunch of extra curricular activities in high school: volleyballball team, girl scout (haha i was girl scout of the year!), prom queen (eep!), student council secretary and student council P.R.O. Internal (different years), the list goes on. high school was FUN.

Five Things You May Not Know About the Job/s I Have (or Had or Don't Have):
1. i wanted to become a doctor when i was in first grade up until senior year high school.
2. my goal is to work with the UN or any humanitarian organization after i graduate.
3. i want to travel and get paid for doing it.
4. i want to live in Manhattan, New York
5. i want to help people.

Five Things You May Not Know About My Online Life:
1. i'm online ALL THE TIME.
2. i first started to web design when i was in 7th grade.
3. i have a Livejournal.
4. i mostly blog hop, chat with friends on YM, or write while i'm online.
5. i have online friends with whom i've been friends with for 4 years now but still haven't met them in person.

Five Things You May Not Know About Where I Live:
1. i live in a huge lot with three different houses. one is where my grandparents live (to look after my sister and i while the rents are away), one is being rented by a family, the middle house is for my sister and i.
2. i love how there are so many plants outside the yard (a very big yard).
3. i live in QC.
4. i can live in this room: there's a tv, the dvd player, the bed, the study table, and a sound system.
5. i don't know my neighbors or anyone from the village.

Five Things You May Not Know About My Home Life:
1. my sister and live by ourselves with the help of a household help. my grandparents check on us too. but that's only until february when my parents come home.
2. when the phone rings, i usually ignore it. hehe.
3. i watch tv most of the time.
4. once i'm home, i get lazy to get out. but when i really feel like going out, i'm out in a flash.
5. home is more alive with my parents around. my dad and his corny jokes... my mom and her delicious cooking/baking.

Five Things You May Not Know that I Desperately Want:
1. a lap top!
2. a high megapixeled digital camera
3. a 20 MB ipod!
4. a Honda Jazz
5. one day of shopping with lots of moolah!

Five Embarrassing Fannish Admissions I Have That You May Not Know:
1. i used to like boy bands (wehehe)
2. i used to have a huge crush on Nyoy Volante after shaking hands with him on my birthday (18th).
3. i used to buy magazines on pop stars just to get information on my celebrity crushes.
4. i used to drool over Leonardo di Caprio.
5. used to have a huge crush on Rich from Five. bleh. :P

Five Things You May Not Know About What I Do in a Typical Day:
1. i go online.
2. i watch tv. i only watch cable tv because i'm more into Amazing Race, Alias, CSI, and other favorite shows on cable.
3. i always sleep in my pajamas and a worn-out baggy shirt.
4. i don't wear glasses even if i should wear them ALL THE TIME.
5. i'm on YM all the time.

oops. a very long entry. that's what happens when you're bored and you feel like writing. actually, i have so much to write about but this will be all for now.

I'm not feeling well. I've been lying down the whole day, literally. Except for meals, I stand up once in a while or sit on the couch to watch tv while eating. I hope I won't catch a flu. I've been sneezing and trying to take this headache the whole day. I was rummaging the refrigerator earlier to make me a glass of calamansi juice but the search was unsuccessful.

I was at Pampanga during the two days after Christmas. While I was at my grandparents, Ate Diane urged my sister and I to spend the next two days there because a lot of AUH people were at Joshua and Moses's house. My sister and I weren't supposed to go but Ate Diane was persistent so a few hours later we were already packing our bags. Kuya John came with us because we were going to Subic to the beach to swim the next day. The Gonzales sisters were there (Kim and Leigh), the Galangs (Richard, Rodan, Sarah, Diane), the Mallos (Joshua and Moses… it was their house), TJ, Mitchell, and David. It was already nighttime when we got to Pampanga but everyone was very much perky when we arrived. Moses put up a tent outside the house with a mini lounge inside with a Christmas tree. It was pretty cool. It was nice to see that much AUH people after a long time. We lounged around for the rest of the night. While the others went to sleep ate Diane, Leigh, TJ, and I talked in the living room. TJ got drunk (the only one who got drunk) so he kept babbling gibberish. It was pretty hilarious. Then when he was sober enough, we all talked.

The next day, two vans drove to Subic. We hanged out, ate (chicken barbecue.. YUM!), swam, and enjoyed the sun. I particularly liked digging my toes into the sand and the volleyball game with the guys (I was the only girl!). later in the afternoon I lay down on the sand and stared at the sky. It was a glaring blue with fluffy clouds which made me squint. I loved it. sarah joined me afterwards and we talked some more.

The two days were fun. Didn't want to come home just yet but two days were already long enough. On the drive back home at 9pm last night, I looked up and saw the moon. The clouds looked so different and it was almost scary. I got teary-eyed on the ride home because "someone" ignored me the whole two days I was in Pampanga and the trip to Subic. I didn't think I'd feel this way. I wanted to reach out and tell him how I feel but I'm scared-scared to hurt him more than I already did.

Now I have bruises on my arms because the ball we used to the volleyball game wasn't hard enough. I think I'm sick because I got too tired and o was deprived of sleep.

But it was all worth it.

this year's Christmas is one of the best ever :)

i'm still here. my sister and i were supposed to go back to QC this afternoon but because we had such a great time, we extended it. good thing we brought extra clothes when we packed. my cousins were hilarious.

before heading off here my sister and her boyfriend did some last minute shopping yesterday and i tagged along. i treated them for lunch at Cajun. the place is a small restaurant but they have the best food! if you like T.G.I. Fridays or Chili's, you'll like Cajun because their food is cheaper and they serve big servings! after that we went to Rockwell... looked around and my sister bought me her Christmas gift for me at Beauty Bar. then we went to Galle to buy things. kuya john got me a Sugarfree cd. Dramachine. i was supposed to get Spongecola's latest but the record bar was out of stock. an hour later we were here at my grandparents' place.

Christmas eve was even more fun. my cousin Zeniel (who's two months older than my sister who's 21), my other cousin Al who's a year younger than i am, and his girl friend went to the garage and sound tripped (the music came from kuya john's car). as Bamboo's and Slapshock's cd played in the background, the guys had a couple of beers while the girls food tripped (me, my sister, and KC). hay. it was sooo fun! especially when my cousin got drunk. haha :D he was so FUNNY and TALKATIVE.

in the morning my parents called. i miss them so much! my father was all sentimental by saying he misses us more now that it's Christmas and that my mom wants to be with us soon. well... a month to go and i'll see them again.

man, i swear i can't live here. my grandmother keeps feeding us and my grandfather ordered 2 boxes of pizza from pizza hut this afternoon. when my sister left for a while with her boyfriend, they brought a box of brownies when they got back from Megamall.

hayy. the fun didn't stop there. we're still here! and they're all at the garage now. so i'm off. ;)

i hope everyone had a merry christmas! :D

i can hear Christmas carols from a distance. must be the neighbors. it adds to the Christmasey feeling. this Christmas is the last Christmas without the parents. we're no longer orphans next Christmas (haha drama).

this Christmas i'm spending it with my maternal grandparents and cousins at their house. it's been a long time since we spent Christmas with them. for the past 2 years it was always with the paternal grandparents. i was hoping that my parents would be home this Christmas but it's okay. they'll be home in January. so it's a short wait from now.

i probably won't be updating until Christmas is over so...

Merry Christmas!!

God loves you! :)

yeyy! Harry Potter Book 6 on July 16! this is so cool! it's the Universe's pre-birthday gift for me! but i have to get The Order of Phoenix first.

tonight i came to a realization that i want to get ALL THE SEASONS of the following shows:

1. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - everyone deserves a good laugh!
2. C.S.I. (vegas) - i'm the biggest fan ever.
3. MY SO-CALLED LIFE - only the best tv show ever! short lived but man, you'll learn a lot of tidbits on life on this show starring Claire Danes. i've downloaded quotes from the movie. they're so inspiring (especially for angst-ridden teens)
4. SMALLVILLE - i did not use to understand all the fuss on this show except for the guys (who were all obsessed on Lana Lang) but i'm hooked too. there's no turning back :) Tom Welling is hot but that's only 5% of the reason why i love the show. everyone loves Superman ;)
5. SEX AND THE CITY - i watched Farewell earlier. it made me a little teary-eyed. i used to be a moralist criticizing the show on promoting women to sleep around and forget about the real concept of love. but i don't know, there's something more about all the sleeping around. perhaps you learn from these girls' mistakes.

there. if Santa gets me all these dvds for Christmas, i will forever be grateful. too bad i don't believe in Father Christmas anymore. :'(

of books...

1. Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix (book 5) - i am a huge Harry Potter fan :)
2. Rachel's Tears - it's a diary of a victim of the Columbine High massacre. it's more of Rachel's faith in God.
3. Rachel Smiles - the sequel to Rachel's Tears.
4. The Five People You Meet in Heaven - i swear! i should've bought the one and only copy of the paperback version at National in Rob Place! grawr.
5. The Secret Life of Bees - it has been on my list for such a long time.
6. The Bridges of San Luis Rey - this too!

CDs...

1. Moonstar 88
2. Purpose Driven Life (Jamie Rivera's cd)
3. Sponge Cola

phew! that was a LONG LIST! but hopefully, in 2005, i will be able to get all these :) whopee. something to look forward too (i'm sure my wallet isn't too happy).

i sit here dizzy. when i look around the room it's like the whole world is spinning in circles. i dare not entertain the idea of nausea because i might throw up on the floor. i'll just think of happy thoughts. this line is becoming an inside joke of mine. i say it all the time. heh.

it's weird not having a cellphone around. my phone, in particular, because it's still dead with a blocked sim card. no one texts often but it's still different having a phone. i miss my school friends already. it's my lifeline to my parents too.

i've been watching tv too much but i'm enjoying the interesting things i've been seeing. this morning i woke up and headed to the living room in a zombielike trance. i automatically reached for the remote and channel surfed. the documentary on Discovery Channel about John F. Kennedy's assasination caught my eye. i didn't know he got shot on the head (yeah, go on and laugh). i actually saw the part of the video when the side of his head splattered. poor Jackie Kennedy. must've been horrible to see your husband die like that.

in the afternoon i watched the movie Murder in Greenwich today on HBO. it's a movie based on the Martha Moxley murder in 1975. it was interesting. the murder was solved only 2 decades after by a detective who also worked on the O.J. Simpson murder. catch it on HBO. hours later i found myself browsing the website until i found a couple of links related to unsolved murder cases. when my uncle came up to the room and saw what i was doing on the internet, he thought i was planning a murder.

then there was a Christmas movie, Secret Santa. Jenny Garth starred in it. it caught my attention. the movie wasn't too bad. in fact, i liked it. but i like Scrooged more. watched it yesterday morning.

when there's no school, i automatically turn into a couch potato. but hey! i'm not complaining. a mug of strong coffee later, i'm up here typing. i'm supposed to write about something interesting but it slipped off my mind. thus, the insignificant details on what i did today.

oh, i forgot to tell...the article on org week is up. it's my little Christmas gift for the org. it's our turn to shine.

i decided to start reading The Purpose Driven Life again. i hope i finish it.

it's such a boring night. i feel dizzy too so i'm going to log off and channel surf for now.

i was over at leeann's blog and read about her frustrations. i never really talked about my frustrations here and disappointments in school. maybe it's because i choose to go through the tough times alone without letting people know how bad it makes me feel. but remembering the chat i had with Avid on YM, he said i shouldn't filter the thoughts i choose to write on my blog because that would make me a poser. so i'm going to come out of my shell. there's nothing to be afraid of. i make mistakes and i fall flat on my face. but the best thing is that i've grown so much since that first year of college.

one really does get lost in a crowd. school can really burn a person out. in high school, academics meant the world to me and i was lucky enough to fly high without even trying too much. everything was easy, i was always on the honor roll. i brought honor to my family and i was confident that i was going to make it no matter where i set my mind into. i kept my journal during my high school days. there was this line that i said i wanted to go to U.P. i was only a freshman in high school then. reading the paragraph further, i realized that all that i had written of my goals... i achieved it. i was in the honor roll and i got into U.P.

but U.P. isn't what i had expected it to be. i thought once you get in, it would be easy as long as you have the heart and mind to be determined to aim high. i was ready to give up my social life and stick my nose into books for as long as i'm in college. then i got burned out. i started to be frustrated. i was lost in the crowd. everwhere around me, people are better than me. i felt like a failure. i would tell myself that the grade i got isn't good enough. i started to compare myself to others. i had this talk with a graduate from BehSci. she said that it's normal for me to go through insecurities because in U.P., everyone was an achiever in high school. then one day they are gathered in one school and they are no longer achievers. they realize that a lot of people are better than them. that's where the self-esteem fluctuates. the whole world comes crashing down. i was thankful that i had a talk with her. she was nice enough to remind me that it's not good to have a mentality that you will always achieve what you want, you will always be better than everyone else.

while i went though tough times in school and hated myself for being a failure, i kept it from my parents. i didn't want them to worry. i didn't want them to be disappointed in me because they believe in my capabilities. i was so scared of breaking the bubble. but i chose to be honest and i told them everything that i felt. my parents understood me. i realized i was so wrong of thinking that they would be angry. my father said, "You can't win all the time" and by these words, i cried. how can they be so understanding when i've failed them? my mother said, "you can try again" and that made me feel so blessed. they never pressure me to do the things i can't. they know my capabilities and they trust me enough to let me fall down because they know i can rise back again.

remember these lines from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann ?

"If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans."

so i began to grow wiser. i got myself through hell and i've managed to pull myself back, all thanks to my family. i realized that i can't win all the time, just like what my father said but i have chances to make things right. doesn't matter whether i win or not, as long as i gave my all and actually TRIED. being burnt out in school is a natural thing these days. i know God is watching. i also know that it's okay to fall down once in a while because you learn to be strong and you learn to realize that not everyone can be perfect. we all have our weaknesses, our flaws. ironically, these are what makes us human- the ability to experience pain and to fail, only to pick up the shattered pieces once the storm has passed. it may seem ridiculous to others but as long as you know yourself, you'll get by.

when bad times come my way in school, i repeat this mantra:

"you've been through this nightmare. you can take another one that comes along."

it's from the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul. i forgot the person who quoted that but my buckets of thanks to whoever he/she is.

greenhills tiangge was fun last night. the place was hustling and bustling with people but it was fun :) bargain hunting is always fun especially when you can by a hefty amount with a few bucks. shopping is good therapy, i tell you. it never fails to make a girl happy, shallow or not.

my sister treated me, kuya John, Egy, and Jinx to Oyster Boy after. she's done with studying and graduation day is on January. i was so thrilled for her. she was too. she was glowing all night with sparkling eyes. she was like floating on air. we left the guys and grabbed a bite at Hot Shots because i was craving for a cheeseburger. over greasey cheeseburgers, potato wedges, and iced tea...there we were, just the two of discussing about her achievement. she talked about her plans, how it's going to be from now on, and she told me how it felt to have finished school when i asked her. my parents are thrilled too, of course. they couldn't be any happier than having their eldest daughter graduate from college.

we went back to Oyster Boy. the rest of the night we all enjoyed each other's company over oysters and drinks. jinx kept craving for yema. we kept going back to the tiangge area just to buy more from the booths there. i love hanging out with these people. they make me remember how it's like to have fun. "Good clean fun", just like what my father tells me.

oh, i chopped my hair off today. all good 3 inches of it.

i'm really sleepy right now but i'm going out with my sister to hit Greenhills tiangge by storm and then dinner. but i'm not craving for dinner right now. i really want coffee. i want Starbucks coffee because no matter how abnoxious people think the planner promotion is, i really want one and i want to try out their toffee nut latte. so wag na umangal okay!

moped around the house the whole day shifting from the living room to the room. i tried to read, watch tv, and listen to music but it did no good. i was still down after the news (death of the Speaker's daughter). poor girl.

after being depressed over someone's death that i don't even know, i couldn't help but remember the death of my former classmate, Karlo. he was a Nursing major at UPM. we went to the same HUM2 class together. he was stabbed to death along Taft Ave. in February.

it's pretty long. but go ahead if you want to.

10:27 PM 6/26/2004 (gail's take on death)

i wish i understood how the world worked. last night as i sat comfortably on the couch reading a book that i was enjoying very much, a former classmate of mine from my former Humanities class texted me. he told me that a former Humanities classmate died the other night of stab wounds. Karlo was mugged. then stabbed four times by his four assailants. after exchanging a few more text messages expressing how grief-stricken we were, we agreed to call it a night.

i didn't sleep, though. although i had intented to jump into bed right away, i lost the mood to do so. instead, i just sat where i sat earlier and stared off into space imagining what it would be like to be attacked at night. i thought about how his girl friend would have taken the news. his family too. i started remembering Karlo from my Humanities class. i remember our field trip in Laguna seeing him happy with his own crowd. i remember him being with his girl friend and how happy they looked in a natural kind of way. i remember not paying too much attention to him then because he was just another classmate.

this pain- losing someone you knew even for a short while, is similar to stabs on the chest. it's like having the world slap you on the face with reality. i know i talked about this already. being in this state and feeling this way is like remembering the day my sister lost her friend in a car accident. but no. it happened again. to me. this time it was someone i knew even from a distance, someone with whom i went to my humanities class with for one whole semester. i don't know why i haven't learned my lesson on death yet. i've known several people whose lives were lost either by accident or by being murdered. these deaths just made me want to scream, to be mad, and blame someone. but who? who should i blame? who should i pour my anger on? who should answer my question when i ask, "why them?" i dare not question God. i know His ways are always best no matter how unfair it may seem. but yes, at the back of mind i want to ask Him what exactly His plans were when He took these souls from us.

i may or may never learn the lesson Life is trying to teach me. i may never understand why they leave so soon when they have their lives to live. i may never understand how to get over pain from losing people even if you were not even closely related. but i can't help it. i still feel the pain of losing a person. i am scared. scared that someday someone close to me might be gone and i may never get over that loss, if ever. i am scared of what lies in the future. i may never know. when i was younger, i knew about death but i only saw Death on movies, read about it on books, and heard about Death on songs, but it never happened to people i know.

now Death haunts me. it haunts my inner-being, making me scared out of my wits that someday i might lose someone close to me as well. i shudder to think of the day that might happen because i'm scared. i am not that strong, you see.

for now i pray to God to watch over me and over people i wholly care about.

and if time comes that i, myself, should go in an unexpected time when i least expect it, i pray that people who know me won't mourn as much as i would have mourned for them. if it would be the other way around: me losing them, i pray to God to give me strength because i am frail. i am just human. i have a weak soul and i am vulnerable.

for now i shall live life as if each day were my very last. i shall smell the flowers once in a while and remember how much i love my family and friends. and God.

i may not understand life for now but hopefully, someday i will. and when that happens and i leave this life unexpected, i will welcome the idea of eternal peace where i will get to walk side by side with the Creator.

jose de venecia's daughter died. she was just 16 years old.

i was watching the news earlier on ANC and saw the breaking news. when i first heard that Christmas lights could kill, i laughed at it. how could such tiny lights kill? well, they do. the de Venecia's mansion blazed up and their youngest daughter got trapped inside her room with no possible way to escape. her windows had railing. she was found in the bathroom with a wet blanket enveloping her but she still died of suffocation.

now i'm depressed. how could people die during a supposed festive season like Christmas? first it was Poe. i did not like the guy but still. they are people who lost their lives.

news of deaths depress me big time. i don't know these people but de Venecia's daughter was only 16 and she was about graduate from high school! i hate bad news. i hate death news.

it makes me really really sad.

last wednesday at the hospital while getting my blood extracted by a medical technician:

her: para saan ang exam mo? (what is your exam for?)
me: ano po? ay, sa history 116 po. (it's for history 116)

(she gives me a funny look then burst out laughing)

only then did i realize that she was asking about my blood extraction and why exactly was i getting the procedure done. total mortification! she kept laughing so hard and she tried to be polite by forcing not to (which did her no good, by the way). i laughed so hard too because i felt like a dork. i was so preoccupied by my history exam (which was today) and i had to apologize to her. heeh. it was okay. she was really nice about it because it probably showed how embarrassed i was by my very red cheeks.

so anyway... there's another story i want to share.

last tuesday i went to Mini Stop to buy batteries for the camera. i usually don't put money inside my wallet because everytime i have loose change, i just slip it into one of the pockets of my messenger bag. so when i was about to pay for the batteries, i couldn't find my money inside the bag. it wasn't in the wallet either. so i took out all the things inside my bag (books, notebooks, pens, wallet, and all...) and finally found the 500 peso bill tucked in my pocket. when i got home, i couldn't find my wallet anywhere. i needed it because that's where i keep my medical insurance card which would be a hassle to loose since i'd be in the hospital for tests. today i went back to Mini Stop and asked if i had left my wallet on their counter (i was pretty sure i left it there). thank goodness they still had it and i thanked them profusely as well as my lucky stars for having them kind people return it to me. then again, it was EMPTY but i should give them a little credit. they still gave my wallet back ;).

my cellphone is still dead becuase of the blocked sim card but i must admit how liberating it is to not have a phone beside you all the time. sure, i miss texting and bugging my friends in my phonebook but it feels good to not hear that beep once in a while. i'm going to bring the sim card to Greenhills. maybe the cellphone people there can unblock the sim. if not, i might have to buy a new sim card.

a few days to go before Christmas... a month to go before the "rents" come home... a month to enjoy the "parentless" life.. heehee.

i'm trying to divert my hunger to other things

i'm really hungry but i'm on a 14-hour fast because of the blood tests tomorrow. i don't want to watch tv. all the advertisements are of food! :'( i can't even drink a single drop of water!

so i survived with just 30 minutes of sleep. last night i was already very sleepy but i was so scared of flunking the first long exam for GEOG143. i memorized all the names of mountains, rivers, and other geographical details and slept for only 30 minutes. for what? nothing. the exam wasn't even about the stuff i reviewed! i think i would have survived even if i didn't study for it because the questions weren't from any of our readings. it was from the Powerpoint slides. but did we listen while our prof lectured? noooo. we were busy surfing the internet. but it's okay. bad news is that i slaved over nothing. good news is that the exam was tolerable and easier (i think?).

went to the Oble Garden at the stone tables with blockmates to practice our presentation for Sir Atoy's class. it was so much fun just working with them. yes, Gail had fun working. i love these people. they're hilarious and as crazy as i am up there. then we all crammed for our AS121 quiz. all of us concentrated on GEOG143 so we had to study during the last few minutes of break.

while answering my AS121 quiz...

Dr.Boncan: name two Japanese empires that dominated the period.

i was puzzled. why the hell would there be Japanese empires when we're discussing Burma, Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia? Japan wasn't in the picture. so i left the item blank.

when we checked our answers... grrrr. she said "JAVANESE" not "JAPANESE"!!! i'm a dork.



1. our class picture with the prof.
2. apple, me, and mitchie.
3. me with van, krizia, and ever-bibo Novee!



1. don't puuuusssshhhh!
2. blockmates :)
3. the "wattamouth" picture! hahaha!

that was our sort of Christmas party. we had food (it was goood Ü), exchange gifts, and a lot of laughs. our presentation was hilarious heehee!

oh, to people i know who have my cellphone number... i will not be in touch for a while because i accidentally (stupidly) blocked my sim card by accident. if you have something urgent or important to say, i may be reached through email or YM: crazygirlgail@yahoo.com (especially if it's about school, etc.). i check it everyday. i'll let you know when i have it unblocked. don't be surprised if i won't be replying to your text messages.

i'm lazy. bulleted entry.

high:
. did "okay" at my history quiz.

. twister fries and fillet-o-fish at McDo.

. finding my notebook ("my precious") after thinking that it was lost. er, it was lost for a few minutes. had to retrace my way to National Bookstore and everywhere i went before McDonald's. almost burst out crying because my precious notes that i slaved over the past few months are all there! plus, i have a long exam in history on thursday! found it minutes later at the other table at McDo. heehee.

. long walk to the National Library for research.

. buying chocolate coated and strawberry coated pretzels from 7-11. the ones that i liked growing up. they can only be bought at Thailand but i found them at 7-11. happiness.

. hanging out and talking with Novee and Crystal at Starbucks while we waited for our blockmates so we could work on our presentation for sir atoy's class.

. getting my dose of caffeine rush.

. seeing my crush #3 at the RH lobby :)

low:
. cramming for a long exam in GEOG143 and quiz in AS121 (in a few minutes...)

. the fact that i won't get sleep tonight. TOXIC!

. didn't find my assigned report in SOCSCI120 at the Natl' Library so i'll have to go to Diliman Main Lib tomorrow. *grunts*

. losing my school i.d. during registration a month ago. i won't be able to enter the Main Lib. pfft.

. Geertz was no where in sight at the library. grawr. books on him are so hard to find. again, grawr.

. terrible headache this morning. thanks to Ava for her paracetamol.

. misplacing my FORM 5. GRRRREAT.

. my sim card got blocked because i absent-mindedly punched in the wrong codes when i switched it on. great. just great. i need my phone! i have people to text about school stuff!

. i'm sleepy and tired but i can't go to bed because i have to STUDY!

. Christmas break is so near yet so far.

lazyhead

i'm such a diligent student. i didn't do anything this weekend. when i say "didn't do anything" i really mean it. i did NOTHING. now i'm feeling really guilty because these coming days, i will be cramming for 2 exams and quizzes. all this before thursday, the last day of class before Christmas break.

somebody knock some sense into my head. i'm so lazy.

must. start. studying. NOW.

a trip to see the doc

woke up early this morning to get dressed. my aunt texted me last night that she was going to pick me up to take me to the hospital. i haven't gotten the results from my lab tests which i took a month ago. so today we went. i saw the doctor, my mom's same doctor for her diabetes. he read the results then took my blood pressure. i'm still hypertensive (high blood) and he wrote down a lot of tests that i should undergo to determine what caused the irregularity in the result of the test that i took. also, he wants to know why i'm hypertensive.

he also said that he hopes that i don't have diabetes yet (although i'm going to inherit the family disease sometime in this life anyhow). it's too early if i do have diabetes. i don't want to yet because i can't live without sugar and everything else that's not supposed to be eaten by diabetics. i've seen my mom deal with her diabetes (injecting herself with insulin every day, monitoring her blood sugar daily, medication, almost monthly check-ups, complications and all) so i'm pretty much educated with the disease. heck! my whole maternal family has it including all my aunts! it runs in the family and the doctor said me being the youngest of two girls, i'd be the unlucky heir to diabetes.

so on wednesday i'm scheduled for another round of blood tests (4 shots for 4 test tubes...huu...huu...) and a urinalysis. i have to fast for 12-14 hours (i can't even drink!!!) before undergoing the tests. i made a mental note to myself to go to St. Luke's at 7am in the morning so that i can be on time for my 1pm class. my sister's going with me.

hay. when it comes to going to the doctor for check-ups, i'm always lazy because of the hassle of going here and there especially for the lab tests. this is the type of thing that my mother handles so patiently maybe because it's already a part of her lifestyle to have her routine check-ups for diabetes every 3 months. she really takes care of herself but she's also hard-headed sometimes when she eats too much sweets during dinner parties.

now i'm tired. i have 2 exams and a quiz for next week. i have to study the whole weekend. there's this Pahinungod activity for tomorow too. i'm not sure i could go because i have to study study study.

we did it through cooperation and hardwork

during the preparations with orgmates and blockmates. haha! proof that we DID HAVE MUCH FUN no matter how tired we were from our 7am-2:30am classes :) the freaky picture is of our pseudo fortune teller! mwahaha! fake! fake! fake! but i swear, the customers liked him because he made them laugh so hard! :P i'm the dork with the black cardigan, by the way. it was freezing when i went to school at 6am in the morning!


the pink ladies (hehe!) are the seniors. a lot of people came (more than we had expected) and that's Mervyn in green posing with the Popeye's styros hehe! :P


the freshmen!!! they were really helpful during the whole activity. *clap clap* the last picture on the lower right is that of some of my blockmates.

i still can't believe org week went and passed. it was a success! i must admit, i didn't think it would be this successful since during the preparation for the org's first year anniversary... there were a lot of pressure, misunderstandings, and cramming. we sort of crammed the whole exhibit thing and because the Publicity committee (where i belong) was in-charge of the exhibit, we had to rush things. but lo and behold! everything went fine and all the hardwork really paid off. Popeye's did a great job sponsoring us because they contributed food good for 100 people with drinks and all. hurray!

the whole org week was fun. i played my role (the camera did too) and tried to help out as much as i could although i feel that what i had contributed wasn't enough. credit goes to all the members (the ones who were active during the preparation and during the event itself) because we did a pretty good job!

i'm glad i stayed for the open tambayan, raffle draw, and preparing the food. i'm the COMELEC head so i had to take care of the induction (call the professor, gather incoming officials and stuff...). i volunteered to pick up the food from Popeye's (our sponsor) at Rob. it was so hilarious because i went with Iesel and two other freshies. the boxes (with styros of chicken) were really heavy! we were huffing and puffing all the way back to UPM!

orgmates: I LOVE YOU ALL! :) we will rule the world! teambuilding ulit sa Laguna! mwahahaha!!!

life as a Social Science major

last night i went to the movies with my sister, jinx, and john at galle. we watched an asian scary movie: One Missed Call. didn't like it that much but it did make me jump and scream a couple of times. wehehe :P we got home at 11pm. that was the only time when i studied for my quiz while eating japanese food that jinx made with sashimi and a torch (oh yes, a torch). i love japanese food! they left around midnight and i went to bed at 2am because i was on the phone with Neng. another hassle. we have to revise our paper and all that stuff. grr.

so anyway, today i dropped by the org's exhibit at the quad. took loads of pictures for the Documentation and Publicity committee. it's our obligation to do that. mine is to take as much photos as possible. helped around a bit by snipping letterings for tomorrow's freshmen history quizz bee and symposium. then i wrote a letter for the AS professors to excuse the freshies (along with the audience) for tomorrow's activity. the juniors (us) aren't sure if we could watch and help out with the preparations, though. Dr. Boncan scheduled another advanced quiz for tomorrow (again!). we have a lot of quizzes lined up for next week too and 2 long exams. so we're not sure if she'd allow to postpone that quiz until next week. i doubt it, though.

so... PICTURES!!! :) if you're from UP Manila, celebrate our first anniversary with us at the CAS quad!!! :) click on each image to view the larger version.

Organization of Area Studies Majors (OrgASM) celebrates its first year anniversary

Thank you "CONCERNED OBSERVER" for pointing out the typos ;)

left picture is a description of BA Social Science. it's a cross between Asian Studies and BA History. :)


bits and pieces of the exhibit


some visitors from PhilArts... the rest of the exhibit... and more preparations.

i'm off to dinner now because i have to study for a history quiz *groans* tonight. the readings are so thick. just looking at them makes me really lazy already.

7:14PM: YAYYY! happy happy! Joey A. offered me a writing job as cross-campus correspondent for http://you.inq7.net's Cross Campus section! God has been blessing me with good things and i am very grateful for that! i love writing especially now that i get to write about U.P. Manila. Lagi nalang U.P. Diliman (no offense please! i mean no harm..) so it's our turn to shine! according to him, "you could write about your org, campus life and other interesting events at school..." so yey! i have tons of ideas to write about but first, i want to cover my org's first year anniversary! woohoo! good thing i've got tons of pictures about the org week too!

thanks for the offer, Joey A.! thank you thank you! been feeling down because i'm too lazy to study tonight but now my mood sky rocketed from "very low" to "very high" haha! :) yeshhh.... me dork.

see ya!

i can feel Christmas

do you feel it?

i felt it again today- the cool air on evenings and the smell of Christmas since December started. with windows rolled down and the breeze blowing in from the outside, i looked out as we passed by Christmas lanterns and bright-lit houses decorated for the season. the star-dotted sky added to the Christmasey feel in the air.

i hugged my knees tightly to my chest and smiled because it's that time of year again when i'm on a high almost every night enjoying the weather. i wish it could be like this the whole year round except on summer vacations when i can hit the beach and go on road trips.

Christmas is my most favorite time of the year. we may not have "white Christmases" and build snowmans at this side of the world but we have the longest Christmas and that invisible force is just there- the force that makes you feel the true meaning of Christmas no matter how difficult times may be and how chaotic the country is.

i need sleep

contrary to popular belief, warm milk is pretty good. poured low fat fresh milk into a mug (the UNICEF one that my parents bought for me when i was 4 years old and it still looks new) and microwaved it for 2 and a half minutes. chugged the whole mug of hot milk down my throat and now i'm drowsey. yey!

the reason why i'm delighted about being drowsey is because i only had 3 hours of sleep yesterday. i did go to bed at 12am but my sister and i missed our parents so we called them at home. talked to them for 20 minutes, everyone way happy and excited for their homecoming on january... but after the phone convo, i missed them more. my parents can be really childlike giddy and it makes me feel really good. after the long conversation, in which my sister and i tried to fight our way over who talks with ma and pa first, i finally went to bed. or at least tried to. i laid there for hours before i slept a little. before i knew it, it was 5am already. i haven't been sleeping well for a week now. i joked last night to my sister that i need a sleeping pill. but of course, i can't take one because i don't have a prescription. maybe i'm just stressed. aside from a sleeping disorder, i also have hormonal imbalance. need to see the doctor during Christmas break before i suffer the consequences when i'm 20ish.

i was really wasted the whole day. i had to lean on Josef's shoulder at the caf and close my eyes for a little while because it was really puffy, reddish, and watery. i had a cup of red iced tea (my favorite from Nutrilicious) and lateron a cup of strong iced coffee from the caf to keep my adrenaline pumping.

aside from my being a sleepyhead and endlessly complaining about my drowsiness, my day was pretty good. i love my blockmates. they're so much fun to be with. i love my classes too. we watched a documentary on Angkor Wat and Borobodur in AS121 today. it was very interesting. then at sir atoy's class we discussed the readings to be studied during the semester. my SOCSCI120 class is going to be a very very busy class. we have such a long reading list (that's why they call it Readings for the Social Sciences). wow. i just hope i remember all the theorists and philosophers (as well as their theories) after i've graduated. it's pretty interesting, though. you learn a lot from one day in school.

when i got home i dozed off right away on the couch not even bothering to go upstairs and change first. i was that tired. my eyes were half closed on the way home. i consider myself lucky that i got to reach home awake and didn't fall asleep on the pavement. er, that would be really scary.

so yeah. that pretty much sums up my day :) i'm going to bed now although i can doze off until 11am tomorrow. yey!

i never want to experience being that sleepy ever again. it's so exhausting!

all i want for Christmas

everyone's putting up their Christmas wish lists. it looks like fun so here's mine.

1. a Sony Ericsson s700i camera phone
- i'm not really a "phone person" but for this, I WILL BE. it has a 1.3 megapixel built-in camera. i want one! i'm a photgrapher wannabe and with a camera phone, i'll probably be worse than a cam whore (if there is such a thing). no, i won't take pictures of myself but of everything around me! i am a gadget freak. it's also the perfect "gail phone" because it has a radio and an mp3 player. *drools*

i made a theory that if i get a job, my first pay check would probably go to buying a gadget (duh, if i can afford it but if the pay is low... then i'll have to save up ). i warned myself that i should mentally kick myself if ever i go way overboard on gadgets because no one likes being broke especially if you're a fresh grad just starting out. too bad i'm just a sick sad college student with just enough to spend on transportation expenses, food, a little luxury here and there, gimmick, and photocopies for classes... not unless the rents reward me (take note: i don't like asking things from them. i prefer them offering/giving it to me).

photo courtesy of: Sony Ericsson s700i website

2. an apple green i-Pod mini!!!
i'm a music lover. need i say more?

photo courtesy of I-Pod Mini website.

3. a Swatch rainbow watch (lovvee!!!)
it's so colorful and so me! :) this watch is originally for men. hello?! haha! i haven't seen a guy wear a watch with this much girly colors. i grew up with Swatch watches. who didn't? ;) it's 2000 bucks. not bad compared to Fossil watches. it's called "Color the Sky". even the name is pretty!

courtesy of Swatch

4. a "Jesus is my homeboy!" t-shirt
i want a blue one. is there a yellow one too?

5. a gift certificate from The Body Shop, Beauty Bar, Lush or a bookstore! Ü
Spirit of Moonflower spritz, Spirit of Moonflower lotion, and Spirit of Moonflower incense oil. throw in facial cleansers here and there :) From Beauty Bar (or is it Lush?), there's this tomato soap that's supposedly good for the face to prevent pimples and oily skin. it's 300 bucks. haven't checked it out yet, though.

6. an Energizer rechargable battery kit
roughly 800 bucks *groans*. it's complete with charger and all. i need it for my digicam. maybe if i don't splurge too much i just might afford it.

and....

7. WORLD PEACE :) haha! seriously!
just because this came in last doesn't mean i care less about it. this is on top of the list ;) (it's not in necessary order anyhow)

wow. that was really really fun :) if i don't get anything this Christmas, i'd be happy nevertheless. having my friends and family around and knowing how much loved i am is enough for my little heart to turn into a big fat lump. seeing another Christmas is too much of a gift already. may there be many more Christmases for me to come!! :)

how about you? what do you want for Christmas? go on! share! :)

temporary insomnia attacks

it's 1:08 AM. must wake up at 6 AM tomorrow and i have.. what.. only 5 hours of sleep left? (that is if i go to bed now). the thing is, i don't want to. i know that if i snuggle under the covers no matter how comfortable and warm they make me, i'm going to end up staring off to space seeing things in black and white. i hate forcing myself to sleep. counting sheep doesn't work nor does counting from 100 to 1 backwards. i don't like math. so why bother thinking about it when my mind is supposed to be at rest?

as crazy as it may sound, the best part of the day is between 1-3AM for me. it's the only time when the whole world sleeps and i feel like i am the only person still awake. it's the time when i feel like writing. sometimes with a piece of paper and pen in hand, i'd sit on the couch and savor the cool breeze coming from the window.

a few summers ago in high school, i used to be hit by what i'd like to call "temporary insomnia". it attacked every single night. i think i filled a notebook of my random thoughts that circled mainly on two topics alone: giddy high school infatuation and angst. other nights i'd watch tv or read a book. i could finish one good book overnight. in the morning when my mother would peep into the room, she'd find my haggard face. she'd find me in my room sitting up on the bed and leaning on the wall with dark under-eye circles, puffy eyebags, and messy hair. i was awake every single night and would only go to bed after the sun has risen. to this day, my father still blames my height (i'm only 5 flat) on my staying up until dawn.

who could blame me? the world stops at midnight and it's the only time where my brain starts functioning normally. i'd like to think that it functions that way during past midnight because it's the only time of day when it has nothing else to think about but me alone. it's the only time when i can find my own space and reflect on my thoughts. it's the only way where ideas come to life and spin around in circles waiting to be written down into words.

my day starts after midnight but school robbed the only time i could feel creative enough to write about things that i care about. at least this is what i think.

tonight, it seems like my mind cannot wait till summer until i can pull off an all-nighter and be consumed by my "temporary insomnia" attack. normally i'd be tossing and turning in bed by now but not tonight because i am welcoming it with full consent. it can consume my inner being until i finally retire to bed.

as for not getting enough sleep and walking like a zombie tomorrow with naturally smokey eyes (to be created by dark under-eye circles)... i'll deal with them consequences later.


______________
my cousin Anne's 15-minute thing she told me to write about when i told her i couldn't sleep. she gave me the word "insomnia" and i wrote away. in 15 minutes, i let it flow. it could be about anything so that's what i wrote about.

brace yourselves, pictures ahead

i remembered to bring the camera yesterday although i brought the 16MB flash card instead of 256MB. you have any idea how much 16MB can accomodate? only 10 good resolution photographs. the 256MB flash card can accomodate 150 250-300 photographs depending on the resolution. so i shrunk the size of the resolution and good thing i brought the other 16MB flash card. so that's 32MB. not bad since i got a lot of pictures from yesterday.

my sister: si Gail lahat nalang kinukuhanan! (Gail takes pictures of everything!)
(after we got home when i tried taking pictures of the star-dotted sky. it was lovely but too bad it didn't show in the pictures.)

warning: loads of pictures ahead. sorry if it'll kill your browser :P don't say i didn't warn you!

from 9am-5:30pm... org work at the Oblation Garden preparing for the org week. you'll notice in the first picture that mitchie and i were trying to climb the Oblation statue! mwahahaha!(click for larger version)

at 5:30pm, off to Philam Auditorium with Van, Paulo, Pie and Jules to watch the UPMC (UP Manila Chorale) in concert then dinner at KFC afterwards. :)

my sister and her boyfriend picked me up afterwards. dropped by the house for a while to change my shirt and jeans because i was out and about since morning. then it was off to Eastwood to watch Bridget Jones Diary: The Edge of Reason. cam whored with my sister at kuya john's pick-up. that's me showing my long ponytail which i will have cut this december break.

had a great saturday! it's always fun hanging out with van, paulo, pie, and jules :) hehe! the movie was also grrreat! eastwood has tiangge fever now. i think almost everywhere you'll find christmas bazaars. didn't have time to look around, though. we were lucky to catch 3 decent seats for Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. laughed my heart out. i love Bridget Jones. she reminds me of myself. i can also be a klutz sometimes :P

wipe your tears dry, Stargirl

i just finished two books these past 2 days. yesterday i finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. now i want to buy Book 5: The Order of Phoenix. then there's Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli. i loved it to pieces: book cover, color scheme, characters, story and all.

Stargirl was enchanting. i wish i could be like her. she had the guts, the power, the enchanting aura that mesmerized people. she lived her life according to her liking without a care in the world. she sort of floated through each day doing her own thing no matter how peculiar they may seem. she dressed differently, she touched lives, she brought smiles to random strangers and lived for others. she felt a lot of things and was open to a lot of emotions. she saw what others didn't see and felt what others didn't feel. but that didn't last long.

people turned away from her just because she wasn't like the others. this happens in real life. just because a person is different, people tend to scrutinize them, they who live their lives differently than the rest. i admire people who are not like the rest of us, the ones who stay themselves no matter how cruel people can be & the ones who are bold enough to be themselves no matter how eccentric society perceive them to be.

remember the theme song of Pocahontas "Colors of the Wind" by Vanessa Williams? remember the lines:

You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew.

i, myself, don't like being ordinary. i wish i could be bold and gutsy enough to be different from everybody else. i wish i could drop my being conscious about what people would think. i used to think about them a whole lot and it used to drive me crazy. that was during my angst-ridden years in high school.

i don't like be pushed around. i don't like doing things just because everyone does them. i want to live by my own principles, by my own rules. to hell with societal norms. i used to live by the rules: don't do this because in the unwritten rule book, it's a crime, no one has done it before... don't let yourself be the first... the list goes on. i used to think shallow.

people are different in so many ways. don't judge the angry teenager, she's angry because there is a reason. don't throw dirty looks on the girl who dresses in skimpy outfits. that's her style. that doesn't make her a whore. as cliche as it may sound, the quote "don't judge by a book by its cover" coincides with "each person has a story to tell".

we may be completely different with each other from the outside but what makes us all the same are the stories behind the facade. people wear masks in fear of being misunderstood once the mask comes off.

it doesn't matter if a friend is black, white, pink, green, or yellow. it all boils down to one thing... we feel the same things they feel because we are all human beings. we deserve to be noticed and we have the right to be heard. :)

Archie said to Leo that once in a while, Starpeople come to our lives.

"Star people?" I said. "You're losing me here."

He chuckled. "That's okay. I lose myself. It's just my oddball way of accounting for someone I don't really understand any more than you do."

"So when do stars come in?"

He pointed the pipe stem. "The perfect question. In the beginning, that's where they come in. They supplied the ingredients that became us, the primordial elements. We are star stuff, yes?"

and then archie looked at the puzzled Leo and said...

"And I think every once in a while someone comes along who is a little more primitive than the rest of us, a little closer to our beginnings, a little more in touch with the stuff we're made of."

I hear you, archie.

that was Stargirl. she was untouched by worldly things, she was still in touch with the "real" things that mattered. while reading those lines, i smiled and whispered to myself... I want to be a Starperson. i want to bring sunshine to people's lives, i want to feel a lot of feelings (mine or not), i want to see a lot of things, i want to live and actually feel what it's like to be ALIVE.

Stargirl may not have succeeded in fitting-in at her school even after she tried to blend in with the rest of the student body... but the courage she had to be herself and the way she touched lives doing her little deeds made her more than a winner.

goofiness at its best

i'm gonna show you something really funneh!

the first is of me, jern, and jane with winston and PJ in the background. the second is of sarah, nicole, and myself during kristine's debut. oh yes, pink halter dress, make-up, stilletos, and all... i still act this way hehe!

mwahaha! i'm such a nut case. i re-figured out how to animate again! :) for a time i forgot :P

rainy days make me nostalgic

i always wish that i could crawl back to good old high school days. free times were spent jamming with the boys as they experimented on the guitar. they would keep playing "More Than Words", that oldie song that newly self-proclaimed guitarists liked playing. i miss the laugh trips with the girls: anna, jane, jern, raiza, leigh, daivy, roseline, and everybody else. the way jern and jane would laugh the way i do- silent but really deadly. i miss hearing daivy's infectuous laughter that would make you laugh as hysterical as she does once you hear it. i miss raiza and her girly tendencies to be uber feminine. i miss leigh and her dancing, the way she would just stand up and dance to the music we girls play every break time. i miss anna and her jokes... our serious conversations on hopes and dreams.

i miss the boys, how they would annoy the hell out of us girls but we'd love them just as childish as they were. i miss the hanging out on friday nights. the Baskin Robbins trip... the Burger King dinners... the Corniche (seaside) walks and bonding. the "truth or dare" we always played. it was really fun!

almost all of us are back home for college now but we rarely see each other because we're scattered all over. we go to different schools and we live in different parts of the metro. it sucks because i miss them terribly :'(

i will never ever forget the day when they threw me a surprise farewell party a few days before i left. all my friends and i were supposed to meet up at church in the afternoon then go to jane's place afterwards. but they cancelled out on me until jane, jern, and i were the only ones left. they kept delaying the time when we were supposed to go to jane's place! when we got there, the lights were off and WHAM! everyone behind the couch yelled "SURPRISSSSEEEE!!!!" and i was so shocked that i nearly peed my pants! haha! it was hilarious! then daivy leapt our from the couch and said, "damn! my video cam!!!" because she wasn't able to bring it. then in a half-squeaky voice supressing tears... i said "WHAAA????"! we spent the rest of the night feasting on donuts, pizza, and fried chicken. then during the night we llaid down on the carpeted floor and sound tripped... being senti and all. i will never forget that. i felt so special!

the best times of my life, i spent with these people:

jern, me, sherwin, paolo, winston, jane, and mark during our Enchanted Kingdom trip this year.


jane, jern, and me.


mark and i.


this is my favorite picture. it captured the real side of gail, jern, and jane! hahaha!

pictures were taken at Blue Onion at Eastwood when we went out one night. the dancing... it was fun! :)

i'm going to arrange a small get together one of these days before some of them go back to sunny side Emirates for Christmas.

someday soon

one of my life long dream is to write a novel and win a Palanca Award for it. or maybe one of the two mentioned. whether to finish a novel or to win a Palanca Award would be rewarding enough for me.

the thing is, i lack the confidence and motivation to even start something that i'd like to submit. sure i did win awards for writing and was praised by teachers for my so-called "talent". for a time in my life i became confident that writing was one of my talents, that i could further develop it to reap fruitful rewards. but when i see better writers who write better than i do, i retreat back to the shadows and watch them do their thing while criticizing my own. an example is the fact that i haven't been a productive culture writer for the school paper lately. it seems that i cannot write what people want me to write. i feel that i write better when my heart is set to it. plus, i feel that my writing (compared to theirs) is amateur and high schoolish to be published on print for the whole school to read.

sometimes i sit in front of the monitor with a blank page at MS Word. try as i might to rack out ideas inside my head, i could not find anything to write about. someone said "write about what you know." i know a lot of things: i know that i love rain, i love hearing people laugh, i love it when people smile at me, i love sharing stories, i love to write, i am in love with LIFE, and that i am a dork... to name a few. but where do authors get their ideas for their novels? where do they start to write an award winning novel? does one need training to write a book?

writing is a hobby for me and to write that book or win that Palanca would definitely make me the happiest person alive. it might be a dorky thing to say but hey! i'm a self-confessed dork and everyone knows that. so why hide it now?