temporary insomnia attacks

it's 1:08 AM. must wake up at 6 AM tomorrow and i have.. what.. only 5 hours of sleep left? (that is if i go to bed now). the thing is, i don't want to. i know that if i snuggle under the covers no matter how comfortable and warm they make me, i'm going to end up staring off to space seeing things in black and white. i hate forcing myself to sleep. counting sheep doesn't work nor does counting from 100 to 1 backwards. i don't like math. so why bother thinking about it when my mind is supposed to be at rest?

as crazy as it may sound, the best part of the day is between 1-3AM for me. it's the only time when the whole world sleeps and i feel like i am the only person still awake. it's the time when i feel like writing. sometimes with a piece of paper and pen in hand, i'd sit on the couch and savor the cool breeze coming from the window.

a few summers ago in high school, i used to be hit by what i'd like to call "temporary insomnia". it attacked every single night. i think i filled a notebook of my random thoughts that circled mainly on two topics alone: giddy high school infatuation and angst. other nights i'd watch tv or read a book. i could finish one good book overnight. in the morning when my mother would peep into the room, she'd find my haggard face. she'd find me in my room sitting up on the bed and leaning on the wall with dark under-eye circles, puffy eyebags, and messy hair. i was awake every single night and would only go to bed after the sun has risen. to this day, my father still blames my height (i'm only 5 flat) on my staying up until dawn.

who could blame me? the world stops at midnight and it's the only time where my brain starts functioning normally. i'd like to think that it functions that way during past midnight because it's the only time of day when it has nothing else to think about but me alone. it's the only time when i can find my own space and reflect on my thoughts. it's the only way where ideas come to life and spin around in circles waiting to be written down into words.

my day starts after midnight but school robbed the only time i could feel creative enough to write about things that i care about. at least this is what i think.

tonight, it seems like my mind cannot wait till summer until i can pull off an all-nighter and be consumed by my "temporary insomnia" attack. normally i'd be tossing and turning in bed by now but not tonight because i am welcoming it with full consent. it can consume my inner being until i finally retire to bed.

as for not getting enough sleep and walking like a zombie tomorrow with naturally smokey eyes (to be created by dark under-eye circles)... i'll deal with them consequences later.


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my cousin Anne's 15-minute thing she told me to write about when i told her i couldn't sleep. she gave me the word "insomnia" and i wrote away. in 15 minutes, i let it flow. it could be about anything so that's what i wrote about.