masarap na kwentuhan

i had such a sweet slumber last night. i've been an owl these past few days sleeping at past 1AM. it's weird how i get really drowsy at around 10 but no matter how half-closed my eyes already are, i'd struggle to be awake to watch the nightly news or blog hop. the other night i was already in bed all comfy under my blankets, my head propped on fluffy pillows when i decided to watch a documentary on tv. the next thing i knew it was already morning when i woke up and the tv was still on.

i spent the entire afternoon chatting with Avi. i was downloading mp3s when i decided to log on just to see if anyone was online. on my MSN IM, only people from Abu Dhabi are there since i only use MSN IM when i used to live there. so practically everyone i know is on my list (and it's already full). i saw Avi online. we weren't friends in Abu Dhabi but we knew each other. i met her when i used to be a member of The Legion of Mary at the local church. we went to different schools in Abu Dhabi so we never got around to get to know each other. but we have a lot of mutual friends so i said hi. that was when everything started. we started chatting as if we knew each other for a long time already. our topics were: love life, boys (of course! haha!), life, GOD, our goals, and death. we're so much alike, i noticed. we're looking for the same things in a guy (nerd daw? haha!), we have same ideals (we want to seize the day) and whole lot more.

the conversation went on for hours and it was freaky. i told her, "man! we're so much a like! it's scary!". no, but actually it is cool. it's a good feeling to meet a friend who thinks so much like you. that's the time when you'd hear yourself say, "hey! i'm not weird and complicated afterall!".

from the outside i may be an ordinary 19 year old. but i'm way more than that. i have goals that may seem unreal for other people. i may sound like a hypocrite when i say that i want to live for others and for GOD, just around 25% for me. i want a lot of things to be realised like after i graduate i want to work for the U.N. or whatever group there is that works for a cause. i want to live my life doing what i love and God knows how much i want him to remind me not to be blinded by salary figures. i told myself that as long as i'd be happy, i'm going to be okay no matter what people would think.

i wonder if people see the real me when they look into my eyes or read what i write. if not, i want them to know that i value life so much that i want to seize every freaking day and live a day without regrets. i talked to Avi about my non-existent love life. she said it's funny how we think about our problems as "the big ones" when in reality, they're not even worthy of being classified as a "problem". i agree. we worry too much about the little things: grades, love life, and other things that we teenagers worry about. when you compare it to the bigger picture like people who worry about how to get through a day with just one meal, how to find a job, or how to feed a large family... you'd realize that you were silly all along.

my ideals, my beliefs, my goals and dreams may clash with other people's perception on life. but this is just me. i get tempted to give so much attention to worldly things too but at the end of the day before i go to bed, i realize my mistake and give myself an imaginary kick on the butt for being shallow.

i can't change the world nor can i change how people think. but it my own little way i can make myself happy, live a meaningful life, at the same time share my happiness and my life with others.

GOD, i do hope i survive this life.

i remember a card a friend gave me in high school. it said:

"With you by my side, I can do anything!"

that goes to God, my family, and friends.