friday night with my favorite people

i finally got Garden State and Finding Neverland on dvd. i went to Metrowalk with my siter and kuya John. we were supposed to watch The Interpreter at Galle so we went there to kill time. there was a copy Forrest Gump but the dvd copy was bad so i didn't buy it. should have gotten it at Ruins! Mojofly was there doing a Magic 89.9 Friday Madness gig. then Jinx called and urged us to not watch a movie and go to the carwash with him instead. so we trashed the initial plan and met with Jinx at the carwash slash coffee shop.

the rest of the night was fun. late dinner at Ongpin at some Chinese restaurant and then coffee at the carwash (haha yeah, it sounds weird but the coffee is good) in Banawe. then the owner of the carwash/coffeeshop sat with us four and started sharing stories of his younger days. i love talking with old people. there's so much wisdom from their stories! Jinx also invited us three to go to Pangasinan today for the town fiesta. too bad we can't go.

i'm going swimming with old grade school friends. oh hello, sun burn. attack my skin all you want.

random things

Dishwalla - Angels and Devils (click to download)
available for only 7 DAYS to a limited number of downloads

i've been listening to this song over and over among the short list of songs that i'm reloving ("re" because i already loved them before). Coldplay will always rock my world. The Scientist, Clocks, and Yellow are my favorites. i like their songs because they have a melancholic touch to it. i've also discovered Another Day by Mojofly a few days ago too. don't give me that shocked expression. i was never a fan of OPM rock until last year (but was a fan of E-Heads, Rivermaya, and all those bands that were really popular during my 5th and 6th grade days).

i've been downloading mp3s like mad more than i ever did in the past. it's going to eat up my disk space. i figured to install iTunes here too instead of transferring mp3s to the PC then to the iPod. it's a laborious task. but again, it's going to eat up disk space.

i'm beginning to wonder if they're going to show Garden State here since it came out in the States last year. i'm getting tired of waiting. or maybe i'm lagging behind the movie scene. did it already come out months ago and i missed it?

finally watched Closer today and i think the movie was brilliant: great acting, great story (because it's uncommon), refreshing, and realistic. it basically revolved around four characters but they're connected which is what made it irresistable to follow. in every scene you're drawn to each character and you actually enjoy the pace (although you'd get confused at times) but it's all good. i think the movie also showed the realities and complications of a relationship-- how trust matters, loyalty (however cliche it sounds), and the ability to know yourself well including what your really want. of course, the movie also showed infidelities of both women and men-- how lies can eat away a relationship like rust does to iron. Jude Law's character reminded me of Alfie-- a player and a charming man. but in the end he lost it all-- he lost the girl just as he was about to actually commit and has already fallen flat on his face. but what goes around comes around, right? so in the end he lost the girl. definitely worth watching.

i'm getting annoyed by the heat of this year's summer. it makes me hard to breathe and dizzy most of the time. i know that's what summer is all about: SUN and more of its heat. but if you're like me spending summer in the city, the heat is something you could do without. today on my way home i daydreamed of a vacation as i looked out the window. in a few weeks' time i'll probably finish practicum and the last few days of summer will be (hopefully) spent on that one and only road trip for summer 2005 that i've been planning with my sister for so long.

so for the rest of you... make the most out of your vacations and say hello to the sea for me! if you don't have OJT but you're still stuck at home doing nothing about your vacation... YOU SUCK! haha! i'm kidding. but seriously. you're lucky. so make the most out of it already!

too lazy to rant

today in bullets because i'm too tired to write in coherent paragraphs:

• i think i saw an old lady ghost at the hospital this morning. scary!


• lunch with my sister and her boyfriend when i got home from practicum.


• warm apple pie ala mode for dessert (Dulce de Leche ice cream!!!)


• spontaneously going all the way to the South to BF Homes to check out Ruins


• orange knitted messenger bag! yay!


• Closer deebeedee (finally!)


• running in the rain while it poured heavily!


• tambay at the San Mig Foodshop at BF Homes killing time. laugh trip!


• going back to Ruins to check out more deebeedees and stuff.


• road trip with my sister and kuya John.


• driving back to QC.


• falling asleep in a semi-wet shirt and alcohol scented feet (hehe don't ask!)


• checking out the Spa at Del Monte and planning to go back on Friday! woohoo :)


• eating a hearty dinner (vegetables!) with my family + kuya John


• Adobe Photoshop CS installation CD :)


• blank cds for burning (i feel generous)

a couple of pictures (from the cameraphone)

1 and 2. it rained and rained and rained. so we waited until the downpour died down. then we ran out like silly little kids dancing in the rain.
3. remember this? haha! i used to be crazy over this candy when i was a little girl. i still am!
4. orange juice that's too sweet. we were just forced to buy cheap thrills so that we could stay inside the store. haha!

hay. i'm tired! so i'm off now to watch Stained Glass mwahaha! jologs na kung jologs!

geek rant ahead

i'm listening to angst-ridden teenage rock. feeling teenager. actually, i still am. erm, now i'm confused. people treat me and expect me to act like an adult yet i'm still a teenager. probably because i'm on THAT borderline between being a teenager and an adult. oh well. i won't dwell on this further because it might give me a migraine.

this weekend was very restful (as i hoped it would be). i got to bum all day. as in literally do nothing but watch tv, read, or surf the internet. i know, i've been spending too much of my time online. but believe it or not, i do have a life outside cyberspace. i don't know. i can juggle things like that. so don't underestimate me (haha defensive). i was supposed to watch a movie with my sister yesterday but i changed my mind. i got lazy again because i wanted to rest at home.

White Oleander (Janet Fitch) was on HBO this afternoon. i was a lucky duck. i read the book some time in freshman year and loved it. i'm into books that are written in first person because it makes me feel like the narrator is actually talking to me. anyway, the actress who played Astrid was superb. she had that angst-ridden, angry, i-don't-care-what-you-think look that i had imagined Astrid would possess. kind of reminded me of Angela Chase from My So-Called Life. only, Astrid's life was more tragic. Michelle Pfeiffer did a great job playing as Astrid's mom herself. she was beautiful, enchanting, and a control-freak. i loved the movie although it didn't show other details that i read from the book. it was still a great movie, though. i have to search for the dvd. it's definitely a favorite.

i also got my copy of Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl back. since it has been a year since i last read it, i'm going to read it again because after i watched The Pianist, i'd have better imagination to visualize the Holocaust-- the most horrific event of the 20th century. Anne Frank was a bright girl. it must have been horrible to grow up in your teens at a chaotic time like that and i can't imagine a more horrible person than Hitler. oh wait. there's Saddam Hussein.

i designed another lay-out while i was watching White Oleander all the way to when i switched to ETC and watched the pilot episode of the first season of Veronica Mars. remember Carolyn Keene's Nancy Drew series? the show is just like that-- a teenage girl doing detective work. it's cool. i like it already. i remember in grade school i'd go straight to the library before heading for the school bus to borrow Nancy Drew books. i loved mysteries. i still do. i like the suspense and the thrill of figuring out who-killed-who or who-stole-what. you can probably trace my extreme fanaticism on Alias and C.S.I. all the way to Nancy Drew. guess what? i saw lots of copies of old-style Nancy Drew hardbound! cool huh? or maybe just for me because i'm a dork.

only two days and i've been very productive as a bum already. tomorrow it's back to the real world. at least i enjoyed the weekend :) heeh.

another great lesson

since high school i always include in my prayers that i want Him to guide me to the direction wherever He wants me to go because i will willingly follow. i ask for strength too and wisdom to understand the things that i can't because i am stubborn. too stubborn that sometimes i question God and ask "Why me?". i thought that the concept of "God's will" was overrated. it was a cliche. don't get me wrong when i start talking about God. i am not a religious person. i don't claim to be a good Christian as well. but my faith in Him is strong because i believe that He is the one responsible for bringing me where i am today.

believing in Fate and in God is contradicting, they say. i say they don't. we can actually believe in both when we accept that Fate is determined by God and by believing in Fate, we say "yes" to God's plan for us and accept His ways. this is not an excuse to slack off, though. of course, the saying "Do your best and God will do the rest" applies. we can't just sit around and wait for some Divine Intervention to take place and let everything fall into the right places like puzzle pieces. we need to move and do our best and then God will guide us. how will you be able to let the wind blow a kite to make it fly if you won't run and make it take-off up into the sky in the first place? impossible, right? you can't just stand there with your pretty red kite and let the wind pick it up. you run your fastest until your kite flies high. God is the wind that will blow your kite high and all you have to do is hold on tight and enjoy its flight while keeping your feet firmly planted on the ground.

why am i talking about this? forgive me, i don't mean to preach. these are all my opinion and you do not need to be forced with what i learned from my observations. i'm talking about Fate and God because i think my prayers were answered. at least partially. i was supposed to take up my practicum at the National Defense College of the Philippines (Camp Aguinaldo) as mentioned in my previous posts. but the very day before practicum started, i changed my mind. i wanted to sign up for National Institute of Health (NIH) instead after hearing what Dr. Torres said about meeting patients with different diseases and observing how the health policy is implemented in the country. i've always been interested in hospital work as well as anything involved with people. i thought to myself that practicum should be a chance to pick up lessons on how it's like to work applying things i've learned from my course. so i thought, why do something you're not interested in and therefore not benefit from it when you can choose a job that would benefit you in the future? i'm eyeing a career in working with humanitarian organization, Non-Govermenta Organization, or foreign service (in that specific order) which is why hospital work and relating with people face-to-face will benefit me a great deal.

i think it is by Fate and God that i was able to shift at the last minute. i've already passed my application forms at NDCP complete with NBI clearance and all. who would have thought that i would grow so much and learn so much from the first few days of practicum at the Infection Control section of the Philippine General Hospital? who would have thought that by Divine Intervention and some twist of fate, i was able to land myself a practicum job that i've always wanted? who would have thought that by Divine Intervention and some twist of fate (again)... our practicum adviser decided to not rotate the three groups (of fives) anymore after one week working at the NIH, Institute of Human Genetics to the PGH (Infection Control Committee) and let us stay where we are currently assigned till the end of our 200 hours?

for day four of practicum, my groupmates: kuya raymond, ate cha, paulo, mitchie, and i met up at PGH. we logged-in first until we left for PAFI (Positive Action Foundation Philippines Incorporated), a non-governmental organization that provides care and support for HIV/AIDS postive patients. their mission?

"continuing fight for HIV/AIDS prevention and control, and facilitating support responses to the needs of PLWHAs and their families."

Mr. Jesus Ramirez met with us and he was really warm and accomodating. he told us everything we needed to know while we asked questions regarding the implementation of the Republic Act 8504:

"an act promulgating policies and prescribing measures for the prevention and control of HIV/AIDS in the Philippines, instituting a nationwide HIV/AIDS information and educational program, establishing a comprehensive HIV/AIDS monitoring system, strengthening the Philippine National Aids Council, and for other purposes."

my notes are six leaves long. times two, so that's twelve pages of notes from a medium-sized notebook. that was how fruitful the two hours (or more) we spent with Mr. Ramirez. as a NGO worker and a counsellor, i salute him for offering his life and time like that. i grabbed the chance when i saw one and asked how he started with NGO work. he started by saying that he graduated from a Management course and for some reason he didn't know, he landed a job as a kindergarten teacher. he came a long way from there, trying different jobs until he got involved with NGO work, particularly PAFI which deals with HIV/AIDS patients. he shared that NGO work is not rewarding financially because you won't get rich being involved with NGOs. however, it is rewarding spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically. it helps you become a better person when you relate with others and are able to help them through their miseries. he said that once in a while you'll explode especially when patients become pessimists and stubborn but that's all a part of being a counsellor and a NGO worker. you are the support system of people who need you which is why it won't be a shock when you start absorbing their miseries and you become worn-out yourself. he said that he didn't understand why he became a kindergarten teacher as well as why he did his other jobs prior to being involved with a non-government organization. but now as he looks back, he is able to connect all his past experiences and realize that all those were just preparation for his present job. by being a teacher, he was able to practice relating with people.

Mr. Ramirez also mentioned that when you don't get what you ask for, don't feel frustrated and lose hope because it only means that something better for you is out there. all you need is patience to wait. plus, don't be frustrated because what matters is that you took that initial step to get to where you want to go. you didn't just sit and watch life pass you buy. that is the reward of your toils even if you failed-- it's the knowledge that you're moving forward and you're not going to be left behind.

he said that it is in social work that he feels most human-- when he is able to relate with HIV/AIDS patients and when he is able to ease the suffering of an individual whether by counselling or empowering infected patients as a whole to live their lives positively and refuse to be scorned by the inconsiderate public.

perhaps these are among the many lessons i learned today and the reminder came when i needed it the most. i wanted to hug Mr. Ramirez for sharing his wisdom. not only for the sake of being aware on issues regarding HIV/AIDS (which i will be forever thankful for) as well as the wisdom he imparted with us when we had the talk.

today i felt like i'm moving to the right direction and it felt liberatingly good to know that i'm going somewhere and most of all... knowing where i'm headed. i made up my mind that i want to be involved in a humanitarian organization or a non-goverment organization. i want to work for a cause. perhaps it's a sign of maturity when your goal to get a job that pays well shifts to wanting a job that would benefit others who need you more.

"Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself."

well said, John MacNaughton!

for as long as i can remember, i've always dreamt of becoming someone GREAT-- someone who would hold a high position in a firm, a person who's going to earn a lot of awards and medals for success, and someone whose name will be remembered long after i've gone. it's good to dream of being able to buy anything you want and swim in wealth. but i realized that being someone GREAT is not only measured by how many people know your name, how high your position is, or how fat your paycheck is. being someone GREAT is immeasurable by the properties you own or how big your house is. to aim to be someone GREAT does not necessarily mean you have to have a title attached to your name.

aiming to be someone GREAT can mean wanting to be someone or being someone who's as humble as working as a social worker or volunteering for a cause. GREAT people can be the construction workers who make sure infrastructures are sturdy for the safety of people, GREAT people are the people who sacrifice their lives for others, GREAT people are those who risk their lives to fight for good causes. GREAT does not equal to being the creme de la creme. you can be poor and humble as a mouse yet still be GREAT. it all depends on how you make the most of who you are and what you do.

so in relation to my discussion about God and Fate being intertwined... i believe that God brought me here. Fate brought me here. He must have a great plan for me and I'm going to make Him proud.

___________________________________________

to ANONYMOUS who posted on my previous entry:

hey gail...you may not know me but your blog inspired me to love life and treasure it, i admire the way you write and the way you present your perspective in life...wish you all the best...hope that i can meet a person like you someday.

thank you very much for your kind words. i HONESTLY don't feel like i deserve them but thank you, it made me smile (and will continue to do so) when i read it. it makes me happy that i am able to make people happy, particularly you who do not even know me in person.

visit again!

sincerely,

Gail

finally he's home

the Limcumpao family is complete again because papa's home! although there's just four of us, we're a happy and rowdy bunch especially during mealtimes. we stay at the dinner table for more than an hour because the dinner table is mostly where all the jokes as well as serious talks take place. i thought i wasn't going to be able to pick him up at the airport with my mother, sister, and kuya John. but after OJT ended early, i decided to take the LRT with Mitchie and Pao then got off at the Vito Cruz station. at McDo, everyone else was waiting for me and off we went to the airport. dropped by glorietta for a while then to Teriyaki Boy for late lunch. i was too full to eat although there was plenty of food. i had to struggle to keep my eyes open but after my father cracked his corny jokes and funny stories, i was instantly perky again.

i finally have a scanner. my ancient one (since way back freshman high school days) is broken even after i've updated the driver which i downloaded for way too long hours! it's so cool but it took me a long time to figure the settings out because i made one stupid mistake. wehehe!

________________________

practicum was fun today. it was an adventure to remember! like any other practicum morning, we started by reporting to Mrs. Ming at the PGH. she had a talk with us-- a very serious one like overview on HIV/AIDS in the Philippines and about the Republic Act 8504 which was well-written because it has a wide scope from education on HIV/AIDS to protection of health workers that deal with HIV/AIDS. it's also divided into sections but the problem is that the law may be well-written but it is not well-implemented. our job is to find out if hospitals that deal with HIV/AIDS patients are aware of the RA 8504, if they follow the protocols, and if they follow certain guidelines when dealing with HIV/AIDS patients.

we spent the morning taking the LRT to San Lazaro hospital after the talk. we even got lost because we got wrong directions. took the jeep back to the right place where San Lazaro Hospital really is. i got a little dizzy then we walked to the hospital. it was a different sight there and the realization that it's actually my first time to stare at HIV/AIDS this close is beyond overwhelming. we saw Bahay Lingap which was established by Ming Ramos for the HIV/AIDS positive patients who come all the way from the province and have no place to stay in the city. we were supposed to gather data (informally) but to no avail because we observed that the hospital workers are very guarded when it comes to HIV/AIDS related issues. it makes sense, actually since it states in the RA 8504 that it is the patients' right to conceal their identities and practice confidentiality.

tomorrow, my groupmates and i might meet with an NGO composed of members who are HIV/AIDS patients.

the weekend. finally. :)

almost senti

I think I'll go home now it's been the greatest day
thank you for shedding life to my fantasy
throw me a wicked smile the one like yesterday
that threw me up and away to the evergreen

like a spiral staircase down i go losing every step
i sense an earthquake
I.L.U. don't even know how to say
when will it break
today is gone but tomorrow will be okay
i'll wait another day
-from Another Day, Mojofly

nakikinig nanaman ako sa Another Day ng Mojofly. almost 11pm na. malapit na mag hating gabi. malapit na ako mag-senti. napuyat ako kagabi. i refused to sleep until i've finished watching the the coverage of the announcement of the new pope. Ratzinger. hrm. he's really strict daw.

should be in bed but i don't want to yet although i've been very sleepy since i got home. no wait. i've been sleepy the whole day after the effects of caffeine died. i've been blog hopping my way over people's blog and noticed that a lot of them (including me, of course) complain about how boring their lives are. but when you're a person from the outside looking in, you'll notice how people's lives are interesting in a lot of ways. only, they themselves do not notice that. i wish i weren't to chicken enough to drop them a line and say...

"hey! i don't know you. you don't know me either. please don't say that your life's uninteresting. it really is. you just don't realize it because, well, it IS your life afterall right? maybe there's this universal unwritten rule that people shouldn't notice how their lives rock. i mean, where is the fun in knowing you live such a kick-ass life? no person in the world is ever contended with what he/she has anyway. i'm sure you know that human wants are never-ending. so believe me already!"

argh. what am i saying? i might not even be making sense here! so i'll leave you with this quote and maybe you'll get my point:

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to see life beyond the imperfections. So, don't say you're happy because everything is alright. Be happy because everything sucks but you're just fine..." -anonymous

it's somehow related to my point. just because things have gone wrong in your life, you think your life sucks. don't. shit happens to everyone. me included. :)

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

Amen

________

an obvious fact: embrace life with utmost enthusiasm and notice how you're more eager to wake up in the morning and realize that you're smiling no matter how wrong things have gone. God works in mysterious ways, i read. it may not be according to our plan but His ways are always for the best.

call me a dork but i'm actually super excited for practicum. sure, it starts at 8 and will end at 5.30 in the afternoon. the rush hour. the traffic. the future migraine attacks. but i'm enthusiastic and i'm very positive that i'm going to love what i'm going to do. i'm glad i chose this path. doing hospital work and research, that is.

i'm happy :) that's all there is to it. it does not feel like i'm on a 200 hour time for practicum, actually. the beauty of loving what you do.

i'm off to bed now. my day starts early tomorrow. hurray for being productive and hurray for learning beyond the walls of a classroom.

first day of practicum

photo: van, apple, pie, and me. look! my face looks almost normal. i still have a small bump but it's too tiny to even notice. hurray! and guess what? the stitches will be pulled out tomorrow! today i kept complaining to apple and van how it's so annoying that i could feel the stitches with my tongue. they made faces and told me to stop describing it because it's really gross and scary. mwahaha! my friends think i'm morbid.

Spongebob Squarepants the Movie was pretty awesome. laughed at some parts. the part when Spongebob got caught while attempting to steal the "key" to the burger car was hilarious! saw Simoun at their frat tambayan and decided to hang out for a while because i was too lazy to leave school. dude, it was nice bumping into you again!. then apple and van came. forced me to watch a movie (haha "forced" daw!). they even asked me to watch the UPM Chorale's concert for their European tour. i was just too lazy, i swear. my outgoing side died during the short summer break spent bumming at home. that's the thing i have. when i stay home for more than a week, i become lazy to go out again because i'd tell myself that i'd rather stay home and watch tv or listen to music. but once i go out, i start to become bored at home when i don't have any place to go. hehe.

practicum orientation went well. i initially applied for the National Defense College of the Philippines (NDCP) job but when Dr. Torres explained how practicum at the National Institute of Health would be, i immediately told myself to shift if i still could. so how is it exactly? at the NIH, it's like hospital work. mostly, students who work there would be researchers. we'd interview patients or parents' of the patients and find the root of the problem like a true social scientist. whatever we learn from the field, we'll be able to apply to the bigger picture like how the government is able or not able to meet the health needs of Filipinos as well as other interesting information through statistics and concrete facts.

as i sat there on the uncomfortable arm chair, i realized that working at the NIH for my practicum would help me expose myself to see the real picture-- you know, children getting sick because of poverty, adults suffering from complications of their illnesses because of lack of finances for their medication, etc. we are also going to be able to practice the method of pakikipagkapwa-tao (regard for others). we'll do this through listening to stories of the patients (or their loved ones). Dr. Torres warned us that sometimes it may become overwhelming that you'd break down into tears. but that's all a part of the work, i guess. this might help me when i pursue my goal to work for a humanitarian organization-- whether as a researcher, a volunteer, a social worker, or whatever... it will really help me. so i asked myself, "why would i want to work for the NDCP if it won't help me in the field that i want to enter in the future?". that's why it's called On the Job Training (OJT) because it will help us take a glimpse of the work we could do after we graduate. so i thank my lucky stars that i was able to shift. this must be Fate. ;)

i also thank Dr. Torres because she said she refuses to let our employees order us around like ask us to make coffee or photocopy papers. she said once this happens, she'll pull us out immediately. hurray! i've heard of a lot of horror stories of former practicumers from other schools that their employers let them make coffee or order them to buy them lunch. argh. how pathetic.

i am going to meet up with the group at 8.30am in the morning. we'll be going to the NIH because someone is going to show us around. i can't wait! although there are 6-8 hours of work, i think i'll gain a lot of knowledge from this. besides, i love talking to people and listening to their stories.

quite long but worth the read

i'm really tired. just returned home from shopping clothes for my practicum. i had fun and yes, i was able to wake up at 10am without anyone dragging me off the bed or yelling at me to wake up. i just woke up all by myself. yey! so anyway, four hours of going around the mall was fun especially because i was with my mother and my sister. about the photo, of course i had to take a picture just to see how it looked. i also got these kick-ass pair of pointy shoes. they're really comfy too. perfect for taking the MRT to and fro Camp Aguinaldo unless my father and i leave home at the same time so he could drop me off. i sure do hope my feet will be happy wearing the shoes all day.

took this test online and somehow agree with it:

Your Aura is Yellow!

Your Personality: Life's too short not to have fun. Your bright energy brings joy and laughter to those around you.

You in Love: A total flirt, you need a lot of freedom to play. But you'll be loyal to that one man who makes you feel safe flirt? i don't even know how! mwahaha! or maybe it comes naturally... HAHA!

Your Career: You love variety in a job, and you probably won't stick with one career. You would make a great professor, writer, or actress. Amen to this!

yellow is my color! i'm a Leo and yellow is not only my color for being under the Fire sign but it's also my favorite along with green, of course.

Bea (my blockmate) forwarded a very good read especially for young people who are in a relationship, not in a relationship, about to be in a relationship, or wants to get out of a relationship (hehe). i want to share it with everyone who visits this blog. it's very long but please do yourselves a favor and save yourselves from heartaches in the future-- READ THE ARTICLE. it was written by Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz and i took the liberty of copying and pasting the whole text, making the fonts more readable, then converted a Word file to HTML for your convenience. so just click the link below and be ready for your views on relationship to be changed. ignore the banners at Angelfire. i had to idea where to upload the file.

you may leave your reactions by commenting. maybe we could have a discussion about it. hehe.

and PEOPLE! please do not forget:

THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN
Premieres tonight at 9:00PM, Hallmark Channel

now onto the article...

CLICK HERE

Mtv VJ Hunt, updated playlist, and a practical joke

asteeg. after channel surfing for more than an hour, i finally settled on Mtv. initially wanted to watch this scary asian movie but my sister warned me that it was too scary to watch alone past midnight. i was all brave at first but when she went upstairs i switched the channel bwahaha! so i just finished watching the MTV Philippines VJ Hunt. yey! my favorite people won-- don, claire, coby, and nicole . i was rooting for Claire and Nicole the whole time and that cute guy Coby (i smell a new crush already haha!) *dances*.

added new songs to the playlist, by the way:
1. Season's of Love (Rent musical)
- i love this song. it makes me feel good. call me a loser but it's only now that i found out that it's from the Rent musical. someday soon i'm going to watch a Broadway musical. someday. soon.

2. All I Ask of You (Phantom of the Opera soundtrack by the original casts)
- i love the song. the lyrics. everything. maybe because i'm a hopeless romantic. maybe because the song is just plain good to listen to.

3. Crazy for You (Madonna)
- one of my all-time favorites. this is one of my i-could-fall-in-love songs that i imagine myself dancing to with someone special (eck haha) next to U2's With or Without You.

4. Ain't No Sunshine (Lighthouse Family)
- for the love of Lighthouse Family's music. too bad they're not together anymore although the lead singer (whose name i still can't pronounce) has gone solo.

notice how i don't really have a specific genre in the music that i listen to. that's because i listen to a little bit of everything. well, not really a little bit but i listen to everything as long as i like the song, the lyrics, or if it's just plain good to listen to. it's better to be this way because at least i'm open to a lot when it comes to music.

anyway...

great discoveries for today:
1. Limewire (yeah, only now) c/o Simoun
2. Audiography

check this out: Tupac is still alive according to CNN. it fooled me for a while. i even read the whole article! how stupid! i was all know-it-all and said to myself, "I KNEW IT!"

until i noticed this at the bottom-right of the page:



all the links are clickable and when i saw that, i was like "what the..??" until i noticed that it was an April Fool's practical joke. sheesh! but i must give it up to whoever thought of the joke because it does look like the CNN webpage. i didn't even think about the weird URL. of course i did think about how stupid Tupac was-- to come out after hiding just like that because people wanted to have him killed. if ever he DOES decide to come out and be all honest about him hiding and all, i bet he'll have more killers than he originally had because he fooled a lot of people. it just might serve him right hiding and coming out like that. heeh. but the joke was fun. it kept me entertained. i think i can go to bed with a smile now because i was stupid first thing in the morning of April 17th. argh. note the sarcasm. so anyway, this is me logging off. i have a long day ahead tomorrow. i hope i wake up before noon (fat chance, Gail) unless my mother and sister start to drag me off the bed literally. tsk.

crap. another long entry. i should go before i start adding to this. gbye!

it's Friday i'm in love (with books...)

new template. did it last night... er, this morning because i had nothing better to do. the quote up there is from the best tv show ever aired... My So-Called Life starring Claire Danes as the artifical red-headed angst-ridden Angela Chase. she was my heroine during my i'm-an-angry-and-insecure-highschool-girl-don't-talk-to-me days. i guess the reason why i loved the show to pieces is that it pretty much summed up teenage years-- all the angst, the insecurities, the drama, the pseudo relationships we liked to call "love", friendships, relationships with parents... as in EVERYTHING. i'd get the whole set of dvds of it if only they were available here in the Philippines. i can order it at Amazon but i don't have a credit card. boohoo. maybe next time. so yeah, that quote up there is the quote i like best of all the lines in the show.

i'm like that, in a away. i'm insecure. i hate myself sometimes. sometimes it feels like high school all over again. the only difference now is that i care less of how other people are better than me and even lesser of what people think of me. the thing i like about being insecure is that once in a while, like Angela Chase, i am able to appreciate myself and actually feel "beautiful". not just in the physical sense but beautiful in a deeper sense like from the inside. i've long ago learned that wearing a pretty face just not justify the essence of beauty. you have to have a beautiful soul too. you can't just be pretty and let beauty stop there. people can be beautiful when they are able to light up souls that need cheering up... when they are able to connect with people... show their true colors... be a genuine person free from masks... the list goes on.

so anyway before i get carried away...

i told myself after my right jaw swelled that i'd never step out of the house until i look normal. trust me, it still looks freaky. i might as well join the circus if it won't return to normal but since i went to school with a white cap and a hanky covering the swelling (hey! i had no choice it was enrollment!), i started to sort-of not care about going out. besides, the white cap does the trick. it hides my face (hehe) and the hanky is quite tricky because my arm gets strained after a long day but it's still worth the hassle. i get to go out.

first my sister and i went to the mall because my mother was going to go grocery shopping. the only reason i tagged along was because i wanted to get books to read. after much debate with myself (mentally, of course), i finally marched up to the shelf where The Bridge of San Luis Rey (Thornton Wilder) was and then almost got dizzy searching for copies of The Second Summer of the Sisterhood (Ann Brashares). you probably know how bad the service at National Bookstore is (bad isn't even the right word...). too bad there's no Powerbooks branch at QC. maybe i should write to them. anyway, i looked for a saleslady and with a wrinkle on her forehead, she looked like i bothered her from whatever she was doing. i asked for the copy of the book. good thing she helped me out even though she referred to the book as "The Summer of the Sister" (ano daw?). when she asked sales lady No.2, they seem to have understood each other because sales lady NO.2 directed me to the New Titles shelf. hayy. anyway, i got the last copy of the book! considering the stacks i saw about more than a week ago, it must be pretty in-demand. lucky me! so fly away my money went. my sister was advising me to buy just one book first but i couldn't let go of any of them because i've been waiting too long a time to get them both. besides, books make me happy. reading takes my mind to places. so the money spent was well worth it.

now my sister and i have a bagful of junkfood (i'm not into chips but i don't know why there's too much in the bag). i got Raisinets too after so long! after my mother did her grocery shopping, we passed by Dunkin Donuts (literally) and i love how Dunkin Donuts smell-- donuts + coffee. it was heaven. but the take-out lines were too long. i wanted a mocha freeze (do they still sell that?) because i wanted coffee but we were in a hurry to go home. ah well.

my father's arriving on wednesday. we planned on having a family lunch after we pick him up from the airport but i remembered that orientation for OJT starts on Monday onwards so boohoo for me. my father ordered (hehe) for us to be complete when we pick him up because according to him, he misses us a lot (er, when did we last see each other... a month and a half? two months ago? hehe).

i'm off. the weekend before OJT. argh. somebody please stop time.

now playing: Wayne Wonder's "Hold Me Now" from the 50 First Dates soundtrack. (i heart this song.)

______________________

edit @ 3:35AM 3:35am. lights off. living room. cold. still awake. Rod Stewart's The Way You Look Tonight in the background. i just love this song.

time stops right after midnight. i swear it does.

i'm surfing the Havaianas website and saw the black ones i want to get. no wait. i want them in all colors. too bad i'm almost broke until next week wednesday. i told myself before that i'd never get a pair of ridiculously priced tsinelas but what can i say? damn consumerism.

saw this video of a remake of You've Got a Friend by a band called McFly. it was an interesting music video because it featured the poor children of Uganda (i did my research). the band themselves went to Uganda and sort of reached out for the kids. there was a scene when a band member brokedown into tears after he left a hospital with sick children. lateron i found out that McFly gave the profit of that album to Comic Relief and to the children of Uganda.

i think "You've Got a Friend" is the perfect song to sing to children especially the less fortunate ones. the video broke my heart but made me happy at the same time. i'd love to sing that song to them.

You just call out my name
and you'll know wherever i am...
i'll coming running to see you again.
winter, spring, summer or fall
all you've got to do is call
and i'll be there yes i will
you've got a friend.

it's not only a good song for reaching out... it was also my high school graduation song.

i wonder why these bands don't make it to the big scene when they're playing their music for a cause. a good one at that. i'll never understand the ways of the world.

i'll go to bed now. *yawn*

missing the Emirates

i saw Josh and Dars (with Mark at the background) online at Yahoo. they kept me entertained for a while by turning on their webcams haha! it was so funny because for a while i got really scared because my mom might walk into me with two webcammed boys on the screen. she might think i'm up to no good on the internet. chatting with Josh and Darwin made me miss Abu Dhabi so much.



contrary to what people think, we did not have to rely on camels to get to places and Abu Dhabi isn't a lonesome desert in the Middle East. UAE is actually the most developed city in the Mid East, not to mention the "open city" because you don't have to wear clothes that made you cover most of the skin including the forehead. so as teenagers, we were pretty much free to do whatever we wanted except drink, of course because it's against the law for underage teens to drink and unlike here in the Philippines where you can sneak alcohol down that underaged throat of yours... you'd get arrested (or even deported) there.

i may have complained endlessly about the humid summer days there. if you think Philippines is HOT in the summer, you haven't felt HOT if you haven't spent a summer at the Emirates. wow. it's like sauna! i bet you can even fry an egg on the pavement! erm, it's a city at a desert. what do you expect? but since electricity is cheap there, we had centralized airconditioning so no one really complains about the heat when they're indoors.

i used to live in a building at the center of the city-- Hamdan Street. i think it's the best place to live because all you have to do is take the elevator to get to the ground floor, walk a few feet and then you'll have the center of town within walking distance. the sea was also a few minutes walk from where i lived. they call it "Corniche" which translates to "seaside". there's a park where you can enjoy the sea breeze. a sort-of boardwalk where kids and oldies alike can enjoy walking, jogging, cycling, or rollerblading. the Corniche stretches far... ending at a breakwater where you can have the best view of the city.

back in ABu Dhabi, i didn't have to worry about hold-ups, pick-pockets, kidnappers, or the like. all you have to brace yourself for (if you're a girl) are catcalls from from men. other than that, people are really harmless. on lazy afternoons, i'd just call or text my friends and we usually met up at Burger King which was very near from home. from there we'd go to Corniche, sit on the cool grass, and talk about whatever. we've had many talks there- both shallow and deep. my friends and i bonded at Corniche. those were fun times.

shopping is amazing in the UAE because there's no tax there for imported goods so you get them for a reasonable price especially when designer labels go on sale. when they go on sale, they really mean it! especially in March where there's the Dubai Shopping Festival. my family and i usually went on trips to Dubai almost every other weekend to go shopping or just driving. it's an hour away from Abu Dhabi. i remember during the long drives to Dubai, i'd look out the window and feel my heart leap with joy hearing my father's old music playing in the car, my mother bothering my dad and lecturing him about road safety as my sister sleeps soundly all throughout the trip. i remember how i made a mental note to myself to let my kids grow up that way -- spend quality times with the family so that there will be weekends to take time off from everything and devote it to family. my father took us to the coolest places-- malls, parks, tourist spots. the best place of all would be The Global Village. it's a huge bazaar with different nations as participants. the Philippines had stalls there (they still do) and my favorite stall was the Vietnamese because they sold pretty Vietnamese dresses. there were concerts from various countries too! if you didn't watch it at the news, the Bayanihan dance troupe was invited there last March.

if i had a portal, i'd let you see how fun life was at the sunny side Emirates. we lived a slow paced life there. must be the desert. but there must be some power that slowed-down time there. maybe it's because the country is clean, crime rates are low, they're very wealthy because of their endless supply of oil, and well... good governance, i guess?

someday i'd visit. this entry itself won't give any justice to my life at the Emirates :) i had the best times there. if my life was a book, it would be divided into chapters based on the places i lived. Burma made an impact on my life with several trips to Bangkok and the U.S. in between... it was an awesome place to grow up. the UAE was also a great place to spend my teenage years, and college... well it's home sweet home in Manila.

if i were to write a book on my life, it would be so thick because i remember details of my childhood. i have sharp memories on my past because probably because my whole past is a MEMORY itself. i don't claim my life to be perfect. there were a lot of detours along the way but i can say that every single moment, both good and bad, was worth remembering.

________________________________________

hit play so you can listen to the song :) one of my favorites. initially wanted to let you hear Avalon's version but i couldn't find it so here's Winona Judd instead.

Avalon - Testify To Love Lyrics

All the colors of the rainbow
All the voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
That reaches out to find where love begins
Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation lives to testify

(Chorus:)
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take
I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the sea
Every hand that reaches out
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every step to kingdom come
All the hope in every heart will speak what love has
done

O me miserum!

i'm not feeling any better. in fact, it has gotten worse. the right side of my face is swollen. it looks like i took a golf ball into my mouth and placed it at the right side of my cheek. to make things worse, it's practicum enrollment tomorrow which means that i have be at school early in the morning. tomorrow hasn't started yet but i wish it was already over and done with so i can finally retreat to the security of my home and let the wound heal here. i'd rather be a hermit for a few days than have people stare at me inconsiderately and think that i might have a disease that's contagious or something. well, they can scram and stare all they want but they should not insult me. not when i feel great pain (especially when i'm off painkillers) because i'll wipe the rude looks off their faces. okay, i'm kidding. but really. i just might do that when i get pissed off (yeah, right).

the fruit of boredom: i downloaded Scrabble from Yahoo Games. it was fun but each time i lose i blame the computer opponent. who wouldn't? of course the computer opponent knows all the tricky Scrabble words! okay. i'll stop now. hehe. afterall, it did amuse me even if the game lasted for just an hour (unless i purchase the game online).

as the reality of the beginning of practicum draws near, i still haven't prepared for work at all. i still haven't shopped for working clothes (everyone knows that all i have are shirts and jeans... no button down shirts or slacks... well, maybe just a few pieces). i should have went last week when my face wasn't swollen but knowing myself, i tend to postpone until the last minute-- a trait that i want to do away with. by the way, Spongebobe Squarepants is already showing and Finding Neverland too! too bad i still look like a freak. otherwise i would ask my sister to watch with me tomorrow. one week. one frickin' week before i look normal.

sigh

O me miserum!

or rather, WOE IS ME!

_____________________

something i wrote today because, again, i was bored. i don't know how it will go on, though. mwahaha.

Rain trickled as she waited for him at the park. She arrived an hour earlier than they had planned because she couldnt sleep. The events of the past night kept replaying over and over inside her head. She could still see the fire in his eyes, forehead wrinkled as he looked at her in anger. she couldnt stop herself from sobbing. She pleaded for him to stay as he proceeded towards the door but deep inside, she knew him very well to know that nothing would stop him from barging out that door. He left her there in the cold dark room. She decided to stay for a while and let her sobs subside until she left the place.

The park was bright and sunny when she arrived. The flowers bloomed, the breeze blew gently enveloping her and making her hair tousle from its caress. The sky was cloudy and there was no sign of rain. Until it started to get gloomy. Gray clouds settled in within the hour and rain started to pour in. Amelia hugged herself as it was getting slightly cold. She debated with herself whether to seek shelter from a coffee shop around the corner outside the park or just stay where she stood just in case he arrives on time.

er, the point? i don't know. but maybe i can cook up a short story from this. who knows? hehe.

my first surgery (so what if it's just dental?)

i underwent dental surgery this afternoon and the anesthesia is still at the right side of my face. you can slap me and box my face all you want and i won't feel a thing. i feel like the right side of my face temporarily died. even my ears are numb.

during the surgery i wanted to plead for the dental surgeons to knock me out. i know, there's anesthesia but i have low tolerance for pain and i have a pretty colorful imagination. so you probably know what i was thinking as i lay on that dental recliner thing with my mouth wide open. i closed my eyes because i didn't want to see the instruments used by the surgeon. i felt like i wanted to run for dear life because i was so scared.

it has been hours now and the effect of anesthesia is going to fade. i'm going to feel the pain and i'll rely on medication for that. damn wisdom tooth. hassle ka!

there are two more but i don't think i want to get them yanked off any time soon because i'm still petrified. yeah, yeah. i'm such a baby. so what? it's really scary and painful afterwards.

my post dental surgery condition: i feel like my lip is like that of Eddie Murphy in Dr. Do Little. you know, the part where his lip got so enlarged that it looked so scary and gross? i keep asking my mother if my face looks that swollen. so far, so good. but i'm going to have to deal with the swollen face for a week until the stitches are off. rawr.

there's no safer place like home -in His arms

i am so good at multi-tasking. i am currently

1. downloading mp3s
2. watching The Craft on HBO
3. posting long ass comments on Leng's LJ. hilarious! according to her exact words, "omg, lumalabas ang horns mo! =P".

since i got my notebook, i am no longer confined to just the bedroom where i sit in front of the PC all day. according to my sister, i migrated to a different territory. i now hang out downstairs instead of locking myself inside the room. i don't know if i should give it a name. i'd probably call it Bruno just for kicks. i want it to be masculine.

i am suprised by how people compel each other to be better people, i swear. like what was mentioned in Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven:

"..there are no random acts. that we are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind."

we are all connected with each other which is why people rely on people to get through each day. yes, there is a Divine Providence but we still need people to comfort us during our downtimes because life, as we know, is not always rainbows and butterflies. we interact because a human being won't be able to survive alone. it is emotionally impossible.

i just had one of the most meaningful YM conversations in a long time. we talked about spirituality and how God influences us especially in trying times. life is complicated but it's all a matter of how you view it and whether you take things in a pro-active or reactive way.

pro-active
- you'd take things as they are and look for the bright side of things. you are able to turn a bad situation into a good one.

reactive
- you fret and instead of taking things as they are and making the most out of it, you become scornful and make the situation worse than it already is. you react instead of finding a solution or a light to the problem.

but who am i to preach about these things when i myself have troubles seeing the light? well, i just figured i'd share what i learned. so anyway, i won't give details on what else we talked about because i actually found myself opening up. it's amazing how you tend to open up to people you least expect would listen and actually give sound pieces of advice. i guess sometimes it's better to talk to people who you haven't known for that long a time, yet you still feel comfortable sharing a side of you-- a side that no one has ever had a glimpse of yet. sometimes i feel most comfortable talking to people i haven't really met in real life (just online friends through blogs or friends of friends) because they don't know me personally. they haven't judged me yet nor do they have chances to judge me because they haven't even met me face to face. i don't have to feel self-conscious about letting my deep thoughts out. by not meeting each other in person, i am able to show my true colors by letting my guard down. i don't have to worry if i'd be judged or not. but this is only applicable on a case-to-case basis because it actually depends.

but the friend i was chatting on YM earlier is a friend (both online and offline) so it was comfortable letting my guard down.

my faith has been strengthened more because i am not alone. funny thing is, i started seeing things clearly although i knew that the answers to my questions were already right in front of me all along. it just took someone to show it to me. God's instrument, most probably.

i ended up downloading songs that would get me through stormy days. one of my favorites is I Offer My Life:

All that I am, all that I have,
I lay them down before You, O Lord.
All my regrets, all my acclaim,
The joy and the pain, I'm making them Yours.

Lord, I offer my life to You.
Everything I've been through, use it for Your Glory.
Lord, I offer my days to You,
Lifting my praise to You, as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord, I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen,
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true,
All of my hopes, all of my plans,
My heart and my hands are lifted to You

.

so i'm off to bed. it's almost 3am.

take me to the Dark

i'm finally braces free! but not entirely metal free because i still have to wear retainers for a couple of months. hello, speech deficiency. something tells me that i'm not going to be my talkative self for a long time. good news for some of you!

spent the lazy afternoon at the dentist and then had my id pictures taken for the practicum application forms. the forms-- lots and lots of questions and they even ask things regarding military training and all that. i'm going to work at the National Defense College of the Philippines so it's natural for them to ask such questions. i just found them hilarious. a lot of questions are inapplicable too so i just filled out the ones that i could relate to. i'm not really enthusiastic to start my practicum. i wouldn't do it if it weren't required but i guess the on-the-job training will help me to prepare for the future (erm...?).

i got a pair of dragonfly earrings today too. i love dragonflies along with my fascination for butterflies and fairies. i don't know when i gave up on girly things (and colors except for orange, yellow, and green) but i started to loathe the sight of pink. perhaps it's the influence of my cousin Anne that i started to get fascinated by gothic/fantasy art or maybe i just outgrew the whole teeny bopper stage. go browse Deviant Art and check out the Fantasy category there. there are a lot of mighty talented digital artists. made me want to delete my account there-- the dumping ground for my crapphy photography. when i saw their art, i wanted to crawl under a rock and die because i shouldn't be there. DeviantArt is for artists. not for amateurs. erm. am i right or am i right? please tell me i'm wrong. so anyway, i started downloading faerie brushes for Photoshop and those of pixie dust. i wish i downloaded them sooner so i got to work on the graphics with those brushes but i guess i'll save that for next time. so, because of my new-found fascination for the dark side, i'm going to buy an Anne Rice novel and maybe satisfy my thirst for the dark side.

you can skip this part if you don't really care what i learned this week.

things i learned this week:
1. don't expect too much because you'll end up being disappointed at yourself.
2. take life one day at a time and don't be scared to take great leaps. it might make the world of a difference.
3. bad days are just that. they just stay for days then they drift off as if they never happened.
4. i feel really good when i'm with my family. they're my life support system. they keep me sane.
5. no matter how tempted i am to give up, i will never have the guts to do so because there is still that inkling that i just might make it.
6. i will be forever addicted to iced tea. never mind Coke.
7. i just might never drink again. i hate getting red all over and the allergies! no words.
8. no matter how much i want to start writing a novel, i will never have the drive nor the talent to start one.
9. GOD works wonders. He'll take me where He wants me to go (however cheesey this may sound).
10. no matter how your mother drives you crazy, you will always lover her and appreciate the things she does for you.
11. i may complain how being the youngest in the family deprives me of the chance to finally mature in the eyes of my parents but i will still love their pampering.

that's it! it's amazing how i start to blog without any idea on what to write and then bam! i start ranting and before i know it, the entry is way too long already. who cares? i can't be talkative for a couple of months so i'll turn to writing instead!
_____________________________

you'll here Joe's Ghetto Child playing in the background (hit the "Play" button) because i love the message of the song. you know the situation of ghetto children. maybe you'd appreciate the song if you'd take time to put yourself in their shoes.

the playlist:
Ghetto Child (Joe) - because i like the message of the lyrics
Breathing (Lifehouse) - ultimate bonding song with your significant other
Must Get Out (Maroon 5) - my song and apparently hers too. she heard it live. the lucky duck!)
Sunday Morning (Maroon 5) - my favorite lines in a song are here. i love the lyrics too. no wait. i love Maroon 5, period
With or Without You (U2) - i reduce to nothing but mush when i hear this song. i'd love to dance along to With or Without You or go driving with a signficant other while this song plays in the background.

anyway, my point to playing Ghetto Child is because i love the message of the song. it got me thinking that if i was born cut out for psychology, i would've taken up child psychology or if i was born for medicine, i would have been pediatrician. if i could prove that i can be a lawyer, i would be a human rights lawyer. why? because i want to devote myself to humanitarian causes.

i thought the want to live for others was just a phase, that wanting to make a difference would just come and go like my boyband fanaticism when i was a giggly high school girl. now i feel like it's a growing passion but something is holding me back-- the temptation to pour my heart and time out on insignificant things such as choosing to stay home instead of doing volunteer work for UP Pahinungod or chickening out to volunteer for the Emergency Room Volunteer program for the summer because i think i'd get lazy to go to the Philippine General Hospial every saturday when i'm off my OJT. but i guess that's what volunteerism is all about. you don't LOOK nor WAIT for time to give yourself to good causes. you MAKE time to work for good causes. you sacrifice bumming, beach hopping, hanging out at the mall, or just plain doing nothing for a chance to lend your hand even for just a day.

i haven't tested my strength while witnessing gory scenes in an emergency room. knowing PGH, they have several cases of gory accidents there and there will be lots of blood and life-and-death situations. maybe this is going to change me. this is the experience i want. afterall, i've dreamt of working in a hospital as a child. this is my chance to see what it's like.

i can't claim that i could fix whatever wrong there is in the planet. i can't claim that i'm going to change the world. but i see that there's a window of opportunity for me to make souls better. when an opportunity comes when i can ease even just one soul from suffering and put a smile on a person's face, i want to grab it because i know deep in my heart that i will be truely happy when i am able to make people happy.

the sad thing is that i don't get to express this passion too often because i'm afraid-- afraid of people's harsh criticisms on facing reality or the fact that people might perceive me to be a hypocrite. i won't force anyone to believe what i believe or to feel what i feel.

one thing's for sure-- i know what i want and i just might follow my heart. i pray to God that i will not be tempted by the harsh realities of life - that people do need big fat salaries to get through the day... that being a social worker and working for humanitarian organizations won't make my wallet too happy in the future. i pray that i won't be blinded by opting to be "practical" than follow what i'd really like to do. i don't want to think about these things for now. maybe, just maybe when i'm lucky... things will work themselves out just fine.

"Every man has his own destiny; the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him."
by Henry Miller

on a high

oh dear. my legs still hurt.

yesterday was so much fun. i met up with apple and van to get our NBI clearances. the LRT ride to Carriedo was so short! i didn't think it was that close. on the way back to the Central Station, however, we got lost! haha! we took the opposite way instead of heading to Lawton. so we had to get off and buy another card to get us to the right station. i didn't think getting the NBI clearance was that easy. i hate long lines and long procedures but yesterday was bearable. i had fun too because i was with the craziest people (haha no offense!) so we laughed off every annoying thing that happened (like the wrong LRT station, the heat, etc.). van and apple, coming fresh from Bora, were really tanned. the beach trip for the end of the month is also already planned out and i'm going to see the sea again. three days! woohoo!

when i came home, i was still dizzy from the heat but my cousins and my sister were already ready. i freshened up a bit then we headed off to Makati since my cousin anne had a cocktail thing with people from ChinaTrust Bank at Ayala. i'm not used to seeing her all dolled up like a working girl. i swear, i still see her as a high school student! traffic jam was horrible from QC to Makati. my sister, myself, my cousin Zeniel, and kuya john were more nervous for my cousin than she was because at 4pm we were still stuck in traffic at Ayala Ave. we got there on time, though. then the rest of us hanged out at Glorietta while waiting for my cousin. foood trip! haha :) i'm so addicted to fruit smoothies whether it's mango or melon. we went to Timezone and of course, i had to play Daytona and shoot hoops. hours later we picked up my cousin again and headed to Greenhills because my cousin was hungry and it was still too early to be at Bagaberde for the gig. laugh trip at Hot Shots mwahaha :P we had orange juice overdose :P (inside joke).

Bagaberde was so much fun! new artists MichaelAngelo (they're brothers) were so good! they look good too! haha! then Southborder came up and they were awesome. whenever i watch them live, i feel like i'm watching them for the first time. if people weren't so stiff, i would have stood up and danced like a madwoman but no one was dancing (well, they were in their seats but i don't know if that counts...). then Duncan! omigawd Duncan! i love love love Duncan! i'm in-love with him. haha psycho fan girl. after the show (which ended around past 2am), kuya John was urging me to go up to him and take a picture. i didn't want to! it's embarassing! but when we got out of Bagaberde, Duncan was there and kuya John went up to him and pointed at me! the horror! i wanted to run away and hide behind the bushes but Duncan looked at me and i had no choice but to go up to him. we have a picture! ayeee! but it's such a crappy picture because it was dark outside and all i brought was my cameraphone. but his arm touched mine *faints*. forgive my being shallow but i really like Duncan that much. i wanted to kick myself because i got tongue-tied i couldn't talk. i just said "thank you" and walked away because i was too much of a dork to fish my brain for something to say. the ultimate mental block. my brain was reduced to nothing but foam. but when i got into the car i started screaming and gushing like a crazy girl and everyone just laughed at me. his car passed by us and i really wanted to follow him. now i know how stalkers feel. bwahaha!

my cousins are gone now but the days they spent here were awesome! the other night we also watched Hide and Seek. hrm. i don't know but the movie was quite disappointing. it's a so-so movie. hayy. Dunccaaaaaan i ♥ you!

more photos: click!

hanging out with my cousin Chad

i'm hanging out with my 10 year old boy cousin. haha :) everyone left, it's just the two of us at home. ang kulit! he wants me to play playstation with him and he wants me to watch his moves. :P i missed this dude. he keeps asking for chocolates! i'm so dead when my aunt comes home. haha! i keep hugging him like he's still a baby. i keep forgetting that he's almost in 5th grade. nyahaha.

ate? tabi tayo mamaya matulog ha!


awww.

before you roll your eyes, i just want you to know that i'm making such a big deal out of my bonding moment with this little guy because i want a baby brother. but i'll never have that so i'll bond with my cousin nalang :P.

he asked me to make him a Friendster account! haha! hangkyut. so add him!

http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=17875994

so i'm off to an afternoon of videogames, lots and lots of kwentos, and a trip down childhood lane :) haha! this is going to be fun (and exhausting).

to everyone who commented on the entry below, thank you very much. your words made me smile when i woke up in the morning. here's a very big hug for all of you:

*HUG*

drama mode

i'm having a bad day (yes, until now). there's this huge cloud roaming above my head. i wish i could erm, pack my bags and go on that much-yearned trip to Europe. i wouldn't mind going alone. it'll be a trip to finding myself. it's ironic, isn't it? how i'm like this, how i'm like me all my life yet i still think i need to find myself. maybe that's what life is. it's a never-ending journey of finding yourself. i hate it, you know. the feeling of wanting knowing you're meant to be elsewhere but you're still in the "bell jar". it's like high school all over again-- the feeling of wanting to leave things behind and start anew. college gave me the satisfaction to do so but now it's that same feeling all over again. it's a cycle. it's exciting too because i have this very strong wanderlust and it makes me happy imagining what good places these little feet will take me once i get the chance to quench my thirst to travel.

Finding Neverland is showing soon. i want to watch it right away because i feel like it's a movie for me. although i'm nearly twenty, i feel like i haven't aged at all minus the fact that my worries have doubled and responsibilities are thrown my way times two. i haven't aged at all.

i hate the world today. i don't know. maybe i just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. i'm grumpy as hell. i also got into a quarrel with my mother. sometimes parents just won't listen. they think their ways are always right and when you speak your mind out, they think you're disrespecting them. argh. getting my point out is pointless to even TRY. i don't feel like shutting up either and taking in whatever they say because i feel like it is my right to let my side of the situation be heard. for a split second i wish i knew how to drive because i had this impulse to run out the house and cool my head somewhere like in a park or a coffeeshop. then again, i imagined myself sobbing in a public place and that would be too embarassing because i hate attracting attention. i like living in the shadows. so yes, i thought i'd catch a cab but where would i go? my mother would just get even more mad at me if i stormed out of the house.

i wish i had friends who lived nearby. no wait. i wish i had friends who lived in the north instead of them living in the south. that way i could just call anyone of them and we could hang out. that's another frustration.

my good high school friend Ina invited me to two beach trips. on to Galera and another to Batangas for three days (i think?). argh. i wish i could go. so what's keeping me? my need to get an NBI and barangay clearance for practicum before the 14th. plus, there might be orientations or briefing for the OJT and such. i don't want to be out-of-town when i get the sked. but i do need the out-of-town trip. the beach. new friends. catching up with Ina. drinking (maybe? hehe). plus, Inaskidoodledoo is migrating soon. hrmf. i wish i went to DLSU instead. maybe i would've hanged out with her more (hehe) and maybe i wouldn't be as stressed as i am right now. so many what-ifs but what the hell. things happen for a reason. but Inaskidoodledoo, if you're reading this... i'm going to miss you. i swear.

why do the good ones have to go?

hay. the past few days... too many trials. i know how they say that they're just stones in the road (or something to that effect) but sometimes i find myself asking why me?, was i such a lousy person? but i know He is fair. maybe there is a REASON why i'm feeling what i'm feeling, why i'm living the life i'm living, and why i'm whining like a brat right now.

i'll stop before i start dumping my drama here.

a day with my mother and sister made me feel 10x better

wow. today was so much fun! of course it didn't start out well because last night i chose to spend the night on the couch. it was hot, of course but the electric fan kept me company. then there was a black out so it became hot again and i don't know how the mosquitoes got into the house (the windows are screened!) but they did and they feasted on my skin. argh. so naturally, i was half-awake all night scratching my arms, legs, and even my face! just as i was drifting off to sleep, my phone's alarm went off and for a split second i had the strong urge to throw it just to make it shut up.

i was also able to catch Oprah Primetime last night and the guest was Christopher Reeve's wife and 12 year old son. of course, i cried while watching the whole show. i bawled, actually like some psycho over-sensitive girl (erm, i think that IS me). i was so glad i watched it alone so i went senti over the show and actually daydreamed lateron how my memorial would be like, how many people would go, and how many people would feel the loss. hehe. just as i was in my senti mode, i found out that my ipod's left earphone wasn't working. fudge. so i only have one earphone and i don't even know how it broke but it's not working. *&%!

then today i had my last final at frickin 7.30 int he morning. finals are over and done with. free for a few weeks until my practicum. i asked my sister if she wants to go on a road trip. Lord, please don't make her a kill joy for two weeks of my freedom. i need a vacation! away! away from the hassle!

sigh

then i met up with my mother and my sister at the mall. i was just supposed to get a panoramic x-ray for my teeth but we ended up accidentally shopping. accidentally meaning not planned. hehe. that always happens. like when you pass by a shop and you see something you like, you pick it up and say "wow this looks nice." then you realize it's on sale and it's for a great deal so you end up buying more than one. that's what happened today. but it was uber fun bonding with my mother and my sister. F-U-N!!! it has been a LONG while since i bought myself clothes. i don't like fitting them. i tend to just stare at it and predict if it will fit me or not so i always end up buying clothes that don't really fit me that well. so even though my feet and legs were already killing me (they would've begged to be brought home if they could talk) but i managed to drag myself to the fitting room.

i went to the bookstore too and almost bought the one set of Harry Potter paperback up to Book 5. i was only after the Book 5 (Order of Phoenix) but it was for a great deal. i was deciding which to pick: Anne of Green Gables (the whole set), or this Roald Dahl set of books but i ended up buying none of the mentioned because my mother talked me into buying them next time since i'd have to carry the heavy books around. i'm going back for Wuthering Heights and The Bridge of San Luis Rey. Second Summer of the Sisterhood is finally in stock. argh. too many books, so little time and moolah. hehe :P

i'm going to rest my feet now. they've been really abused today.

i ♥ my family

it was my maternal grandmother's birthday yesterday. it was fun although there were only a few of us like my grandfather, my mother, my sister, three cousins, and the other cousin's girlfriend. we had cake, roast chicken, sopas, and other dishes. it was a simple celebration but i saw that my grandmother was really happy. my cousin Anne was supposed to come with us too if she had stayed in Manila instead of going back to San Fernando but she did say that she'll come back on Wednesday until Saturday. so whoppee. i miss my cousins and us hanging out together. it's been years since we gathered in one room with all of us COMPLETE. it's so hard to have a reunion these days. everyone's so busy (i wouldn't want to think that they no longer care).

i remember when i was in grade school, all of us (my mother's sisters and their families) went on a road trip from Nueva Ecija to Baguio then to Ilocos Norte and Ilocos Sur. we had such a blast. we had several stop-overs. on the way up to Baguio we stopped at a La Union beach and had lunch there. in Vigan, we stayed in a hotel and night-swam until it was too cold to stay in the pool. we saw the historical places, Fort Ilocandia, and of course, the Marcos's place including his famous mausoleum. in Baguio, we went to see the different tourist spots and had lunches at the Burnham Park. i miss those days!

on weekends (sometimes the whole summer), my sister and i would pack our bags when we get home from school and then my aunt and uncle would pick us up to take us on a four hour trip to Nueva Ecija. we'd take a vacation at the house there and those were such fun times. we'd visit my aunt and go swimming the whole day until night at a resort. sometimes my cousins and i would just hang out at home and pester each other since there's not much to do in the province compared to the city. although my two guy cousins bugged me a lot (they called me tomboy), i still love being with them.

so anyway, these are of yesterday...

here are pictures!

my sister, me, and my cousin Zeniel. we love him to pieces!

a bunch of pictures from my phone. my grandmother doesn't look her age at all, i tell you.

yay for family :) i love my family. i love being around them. they make me feel that life is worth living (cheesiness aside).

i feel blah today

as i write this van and apple, along with the rest of the people that i love hanging out with over at Cavite, are on their way to Bora. i must be that nuts to give up the trip considering that the 5 day trip to Bora is already cheap (i just need a small allowance because accomodation is free). but i can't because i have one more final on the 4th. oh crap. so i'm not going to let the La Luz (Batangas) beach trip pass. i have to shoot myself if i do that one more time. i texted van and apple last night to please tell the sun, sea, and sand that i'm sorry i couldn't make it. what's ironic is that i don't feel as awful as i thought i'd feel because i let this trip pass. i'm like that. i hate missing beach trips (or any other trips for that matter...) because i hate missing out on my life. yes, i live like i'm dying already because who knows?

it's amazing how much more energy i have at the moment considering that i only slept for about just 3 or 4 hours last night. blame it on the grande cafe mocha i gulped in the cold theater watching Ms. Congeniality 2 just to stay awake. i stayed up all night studying and then took a break to use the phone. heeh. i need to relax too, you know. the next day was stressful. two exams in four hours. simultaneously. for a terror professor. tough questions. i felt like my brain was going to die. and guess what? i realized after the exam which ended at 5pm that i hadn't eaten a single meal the whole day.

in the evening i was with my sister, kuya john, and my cousin at eastwood. we figured we'd go out since there wasn't anything much to do at home anyway. my cousin anne is job hunting and because she's one of the top graduates of her batch in ateneo, she's getting several calls from companies. i don't understand why she's not accepting any of the offers yet, though. maybe there are many more better offers to come. so yeah. she's been going to interviews and stuff. she passed the UP Law entrance exam too. still probably thinking if she should pursue law school or not. as for my sister... two companies already called her but she declined. hay. good luck to them. i can't believe they're graduates now. when we were younger my cousin and i talked about Sweet Valley Twins and acted like they actually lived in real life. sheesh.

i was thinking earlier, i suck at taking risks. i'm afraid of falling flat on my face. i'm afraid of opening up to people who are capable of breaking me and i guess my attitude to play safe is for the sole purpose of "self preservation". i close the doors because i'm afraid of possible invaders. of complications. of heartaches. of misunderstandings. so i retreat into my shell and wait until the coast is clear. but sometimes people don't understand.

maybe one day i'll be bold enough to break the rules. until now, i'll stay in my shell for a while because while it's a good feeling to follow your bliss, it's also wise to choose not to step on other people's feet while you're at it.

oh, here are two photos:

Wat's Ap Dawg?

nakikinig ako sa Alapaap (Eraserheads). parang gusto ko lumipad.

Gusto mo bang sumama?

to the people who tagged the "make me smile" entry down below, thank you very much for making your presence known. hehe :) it did make me smile knowing that people don't think i'm that much of a retard afterall. :) God bless your good souls :D

have a great weekend!

happy birthday dei

dei! larger version here!


to the girl who could see right through me, to the person who showed me what a real friend is like, to the person who gave me the gift of her friendship, for the fun times hanging out with her especially that one memorable summer when we hanged out almost everyday. for the laugh trips we had over my mother's freshly baked brownies. for oreos dunked in milk while we listened to the radio waiting for some contest so we could call the DJ just for fun. for the April Fool's Day prank you pulled on me when you said your baby sister was rushed to the hospital. for the fun times we had before prom buying magazines and deciding what dress to wear, for the countless girl-talks, for the heart-to-heart talks, for your company when i'd get bored. for the Baskin Robbins trips and Corniche tambay. for being like a sister to me, for your bellyache laughter that's absolutely contagious, for your siblings that i absolutely love because you guys are a fun bunch, for our planned road-trip when i get there, for that one time when we got our hair-cut together and walked to the Benetton place only to be followed by some weird guy. for the hilarious time when a weird guy came up to us and talked to us in Tagalog but we pretended with our British accents that we couldn't understand a single word. for hanging out at Liwa Center for the sake of doing something other than be bored and for the Rubber Ducky you bought for me!

oh, how could i forget? that one time we played a prank on Darwin, Gie, and Sherwin pretending that we were hot chicks from the American Community School. bwahaha!!! they were stuttering! remember? fun times!

You deserve all the best in the world, dei! you're a special person-- a thousand times more than you think you are. don't settle for anything less. i hope you find the "someone" who deserves you. mwah!

thanks for being who you are. love you lots!