i feel blah today

as i write this van and apple, along with the rest of the people that i love hanging out with over at Cavite, are on their way to Bora. i must be that nuts to give up the trip considering that the 5 day trip to Bora is already cheap (i just need a small allowance because accomodation is free). but i can't because i have one more final on the 4th. oh crap. so i'm not going to let the La Luz (Batangas) beach trip pass. i have to shoot myself if i do that one more time. i texted van and apple last night to please tell the sun, sea, and sand that i'm sorry i couldn't make it. what's ironic is that i don't feel as awful as i thought i'd feel because i let this trip pass. i'm like that. i hate missing beach trips (or any other trips for that matter...) because i hate missing out on my life. yes, i live like i'm dying already because who knows?

it's amazing how much more energy i have at the moment considering that i only slept for about just 3 or 4 hours last night. blame it on the grande cafe mocha i gulped in the cold theater watching Ms. Congeniality 2 just to stay awake. i stayed up all night studying and then took a break to use the phone. heeh. i need to relax too, you know. the next day was stressful. two exams in four hours. simultaneously. for a terror professor. tough questions. i felt like my brain was going to die. and guess what? i realized after the exam which ended at 5pm that i hadn't eaten a single meal the whole day.

in the evening i was with my sister, kuya john, and my cousin at eastwood. we figured we'd go out since there wasn't anything much to do at home anyway. my cousin anne is job hunting and because she's one of the top graduates of her batch in ateneo, she's getting several calls from companies. i don't understand why she's not accepting any of the offers yet, though. maybe there are many more better offers to come. so yeah. she's been going to interviews and stuff. she passed the UP Law entrance exam too. still probably thinking if she should pursue law school or not. as for my sister... two companies already called her but she declined. hay. good luck to them. i can't believe they're graduates now. when we were younger my cousin and i talked about Sweet Valley Twins and acted like they actually lived in real life. sheesh.

i was thinking earlier, i suck at taking risks. i'm afraid of falling flat on my face. i'm afraid of opening up to people who are capable of breaking me and i guess my attitude to play safe is for the sole purpose of "self preservation". i close the doors because i'm afraid of possible invaders. of complications. of heartaches. of misunderstandings. so i retreat into my shell and wait until the coast is clear. but sometimes people don't understand.

maybe one day i'll be bold enough to break the rules. until now, i'll stay in my shell for a while because while it's a good feeling to follow your bliss, it's also wise to choose not to step on other people's feet while you're at it.

oh, here are two photos:

Wat's Ap Dawg?

nakikinig ako sa Alapaap (Eraserheads). parang gusto ko lumipad.

Gusto mo bang sumama?

to the people who tagged the "make me smile" entry down below, thank you very much for making your presence known. hehe :) it did make me smile knowing that people don't think i'm that much of a retard afterall. :) God bless your good souls :D

have a great weekend!