my poor attempt to procrastinate--blogging!

I'm trying to be fit again. Played badminton with two of my friends from school this morning. I woke up at 8AM and still managed to be late for our 10AM call time. The court is nearby my place, a five minute drive. When I got there 30 minutes late, my two friends already warmed up. I had to do stretching alone. I even forgot how to do stretching! To think that it's basic. Ughh. But it felt real good to be active physically again. Sweated like a pig. Aside from moving around a lot while playing, the court was also really hot. Ughhh but it was fun! I want to play again. Two hours went by so fast, we should've gone at 11AM because unlimited rental of the courts starts then.

I had lunch and "napped" right away. My "nap" turned out to be a really long one because it was physical exhaustion induced. Ugh I had such a hard time dragging myself off my bed. I had a headache afterwards so I took a paracetamol and fell back to sleep again to nurse my head. I'm groggy now for sleeping the whole day but it felt good to rest like that on my day off from school. Classes again tomorrow and an exam.

On a lighter note, my Speck orange crystal case came yesterday! FINALLY! :) I love it. I wanted the apple green one because green is my favorite color but it was already out of stock. My next favorite color is orange so orange it is!

Meet my orange Macbook!

I think I'm going to read a little now. I've been stalling for hours because I'm still groggy. Kbye!

nothing can bring me down, i can only learn to rise above

I had a bad day today, one that tops all the the days of my life. Perhaps it is more appropriate to say that the past 12 days have been really bad for me. You see, I got sick. I got forced to rely on other people to take care of me and do things that I should do but could not because I was confined to stay at home and to bed rest. It was the worst feeling in the world to be stripped off of all your strength to do the things you want to do (like attend classes) yet you have no choice because you have to get better healthwise.

I cried a couple of nights feeling lonely and my body was just whacked out sick. I felt sorry for myself for being in such a pitiful state and that I was going to be unproductive for days. I asked God "WHY ME?" and cursed myself for being the center of a storm everytime as if I'm a walking disaster that could go off any minute. I've been getting ill for different reasons and I couldn't accept how fragile I am and how helpless I am to stay healthy with massive efforts that I've been pouring. I thought I was strong enough to get through it all and I questioned my credibility to do the things I want to do. I thought that maybe I'm not cut out for life, that maybe I'm a "factory defect" of some sort. I also worried about how much of a burden I was to my family, friends, and my boyfriend. Especially my family and my boyfriend. He took care of me the whole time I was sick and he did things that I needed to be done like groceries and other errands. It was extremely hard for me to rely on people and impose a heavy burden on them by worrying about me endlessly even if I tell them not to. My parents are out of the country and the whole time they were so worried about my well-being that it broke my heart every single day I spoke or texted them. My sister who is pregnant also worried about me. I guess I'm very lucky in that departmen-- of being loved by so many but again, I feel helpless. I wish I could not let people worry about me all the time and I wish I could do things for me if only I didn't get sick a lot. But like any other bad days of my life, there was still that ray of hope that tells me that everything happens for a reason and that I'm going to pull myself through even stronger than before and life would resturn back to normal.

Today I found out that I might miss two more classes. I already missed three classes and two quizzes. I already cried after finding out that I might miss two more. I stressed myself over thinking about how I'd be able to catch up and whether I would be given make up quizzes. You see, it's not just about the missed classes. Maybe the whole 12 days I got sick it's all coming to burn me out now. I'm so burned out from being helpless for 12 days. I just want my life to be normal again. I want to stop worrying about school and how I would catch up. I want to start living life again without worrying about being a burden to people.

I guess the lesson after all this is that I need to continue to stay strong. I can't let this bring me down because what happened to me was inevitable. I wouldn't know how to prevent getting sick like that. I try to be healthy, I really do. I've come to accept that maybe God has a better plan for me even if the true intent of what's happening isn't clear to me for now. I realize that I am irrational at my fragile state because I panic at the thought of not being in control of things. I am not in control anymore. I'm giving it up to God. I need to thank my family, my friends, and most especially Alej for taking care of me during this whole mess.

From this day on I will promise myself to not fall apart like I did today because I should be stronger after all this, not weaker in spirit. I know I'm in good hands and I should accept things that I cannot change because life happens and it's up to us how to take it. I'm not saying that I'm instantly better now. Maybe it is a process that takes time to reap before finally harvesting its fruits. I just need to stay strong physically and emotionally.

I was surfing blogs until I came across this:

DON'T DOUBT IT

It is a matter especially of cultivating this courage and this fearlessness in the inmost depth of the mental life. The disciple must learn never to despair. He must be equal to the thought - "I will forget that I have again failed in this matter. I will try once more as though nothing at all has happened."

Thus he will fight his way on to the firm conviction that the Universe contains an inexhaustible fountain of strength from which he may drink. He must aspire again and again to the Divine, which will uplift and support him, however feeble and impotent the mortal part of his being may prove. He must be capable of pressing on towards the future, undismayed by experiences of the past.

--Rudolf Steiner

After this storm is over I am getting on my feet again and I will fight my way to this world, gather strength from the Universe and drink it like what Mr. Steiner said. Nothing can bring me down, I can only learn to rise above.

A(h1n1) has arrived

TIP: Carry a spritz bottle with alcohol with you so you can disinfect anytime, anywhere!


As you all might have already heard, we have our first case of A(H1N1) flu in the Philippines. I wish I could say that I'd stay away from public places like a plague but life must go on, right? But with utmost precautions, of course!

I received this text message from a classmate. I'm reposting it here for safety guidelines that just might help:

1. Avoid crowded places.
2. Wash your hands carefully and often with soap water or rubbing alcohol.
3. Avoid close contact with sick people especially those who have fever or cough.
4. See your doctor if your temperature is above 38 degrees celcius or you have flu-like symptoms.

I'm back for the nth time

Hello, Blogger! Did you miss me?

I'm going to write here again. This blog is 6 years now. WOW. Going back to previous entries is like going for a joyride back to the past. I'll do that some other night because tonight I'm groggy. I'm not feeling well again, it's my head. I can't tell if it's migraine or if it's because I ate ice cream today that's why I'm feeling like this. I REALLY need to see a doctor already. I'm just too lazy to go to the hospital and busy as well. But I can't continue feeling like this because my bad headache routine makes me unproductive every single time.

Oh, my laptop died too. The motherboard gave up on me and Toshiba says I have to pay 26k to replace it with a new one. People advised me to get a new laptop instead of shelling out that much on an old unit but I love my old machine, we've through a lot together. My heart is still broken from losing it because I have a lot of files there-- my music, lots of photos accumulated from the last three years, documents, and programs. But all good things come to an end so I must bid farewell to my old machine. He was hardworking. I'm getting a new one first week of March when Alej goes to Singapore so I can get a good deal from there. I can't wait to use a normal-sized laptop again because I've been using Alej's EEE PC which has a tiny screen. The ironic thing is that I've become used to using a mini laptop that I'm not used to using a normal sized one anymore. The downside is that I don't have Adobe Photoshop nor do I have my necessary "TOOLS" for designing my own blog template. Too bad, I'm actually inspired sans headache right now.

SO！If anyone else still reads this blog, comment on the link below so we can exchange links.

"where the mind goes, the body will follow." -- pharmaton

I've been going to badminton training for twice a week now. I go with my school friends and we even wake up early in the morning to be on time-- 9AM and sometimes 8.30AM. It's really fun although it's hard because our coach is pretty anal about drills. He gets annoyed by our giggling and chismisan but it's all good because we're learning and he's a pretty cool guy too. He wouldn't be a trainer if he was lenient anyway.

We train for two hours per day and we sweat like crazy because we're only given a few minutes water break. I hope we learn from this because we only played badminton for fun before. We thought we were already good enough but apparently, we were wrong.

I'm usually tired when I get home and doze off after lunch but I feel good being physicially active this way. I also still go to the gym whenever I can with Alej that's why I'm pretty confident about my health these days. I also noticed that I can drink more without palpitating ever since I started going to the gym. YEHOOOZ. But I still can't take drinking too much because I don't really like the taste except when I'm well-rested and I'm in the mood to push my body to the limit.

I just have to make mental notes inside my head because there are still things to do for my next duty and an exam too after that. *gulp*

But life is good! It's true when they say that working out makes you less stressful and more happy because of the amount of endorphins working out gives the body.

Time to rest!

another item off my list for 2008!

I made a to-do list for 2008 during the New Year. So far so, so good! I've scractched out "Learn how to drive" and "Go to the gym" and probably "Stay healthy" too in the near future.

I've been working out for a week now. I think I've gone for five days already and I'm loving it. Prior to signing up, I was scared I was going to go Ningas Cogon on my goal to stay fit. But then I surpassed the "first day funk" and I was no longer nervous. I learned that after a while you start to feel comfortable because people there don't give a flying "F" about other people. So that's so cool!

I like it that at the end of a workout I feel rejuvenated. Tired but AT PEACE in my head. That's the best feeling in the world. I guess working out gives you an hour or two to take your mind off things. I love it! The next thing I want to try are the group excercises- Body Step (aerobics), Body Jam (Streetdancing), Yoga, and Body Balance.

After a few days of going to the gym you actually want to go back everday but of course, sometimes circumstances do not permit you to do so like BODY/MUSCLE ACHE from a prior workout. So yeah, let those muscles grow, let the fats melt away, and let the heart grow stronger! And the best of all...KICK AWAY IMPENDING DIABETES AND CONTROL SECONDARY HYPERTENSION!

Incoherent is me (I am drugged. Expect a lengthy entry.)

I had another bad migraine last night. I tried rubbing two types of menthol balm on my temples-- Omega and another similar balm that my mother gave me. The smell of Omega makes my sister dizzy while it makes my nerves relax. I took Tylenol PM to help me sleep. After an episode of American Idol Season 6, I fell asleep but woke up at 5AM with a feeling as if an electric drill was working on my left temple. So I tried to sleep again. At 10AM my migraine was still bothering me so I got out of bed, took the medicine for my liver and then watched tv. I tried not to succumb into Excedrin temptation but I did and I took a pill because it was getting uncomfortable. So now I feel rotten because my migraine hampered my productivity. Argh.

I'm watching The Cathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List on Jack TV. I actually like it. HAHA! Rawr. The things you do when you're left at home with a migraine. I am groggy and that Snickers bar beside the laptop is looking at me with puppy dog eyes. Must. Not. Be. Tempted.

I was at the bookstore the other day with Alej picking out oil pastels and felt paper. While he was at the cashier I wandered off to the Bestsellers' List. There's a new book by Mitch Albom that made the list and the new book by Amy Tan was on it too. Both are just two of my favorite authors and it got me thinking that it has been a while since I read a good book. My definition of a good book is something that moves me-- like a book that makes you think even after you've finished it. A book that makes you want to highlight countless lines from it just because you could relate to the words and books that cast a spell upon you and draws you into THAT world. Some of these good books are Amy Tan's novels-- The Bonesetter's Daughter and The Kitchen God's Wife, Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones, Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar, Elizabeth Wurtzel's The Secret of Life, James Patterson's Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas, Jerry Spinelli's Stargirl, Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven and Tuesday's With Morrie, Jeffrey Eugenides's The Virgin Suicides, and the list goes on! And I miss the feeling of reading a good book.

I read from Don't Stress the Small Stuff for Teens that a person should have a good book beside the night table. It doesn't matter if it's just one book from which you'd read a page or two every night or five books (oh yes, FIVE) and read a few pages from each of the five depending on which one you like. If you want to pull of a Kris Aquino, you can grab a copy of TIME Magazine and read it from front to back in one night.

Book quotes are the reason why I created this blog not so long ago. I haven't updated it in ages and it's good to look back and read those lines that touched me. I'm sharing them with you so go read some of them. :)

I just feel like sharing: My father has this friend who inherited a huge amount from her deceased aunt. She is based in Abu Dhabi and because she's already in the Middle East, she takes time off to visit neighboring countries. Among several Arab countries she went to, she went on a tour to Israel and lately she went to Turkey. She sent two boxes of Turkish Apple Tea. It looks yummy and I hope it won't disappoint. But my point to sharing this is that it must feel so good to have time and money to tour exotic Arab countries. She seems to be having a lot of fun from the pictures that she sends through email. Watching Cake made me want to be a travel writer. It must feel really good to be paid for what you like to do. sigh

Another friend of my father who is in India and a newly appointed ambassador sent my sister and I beautiful pendants! Mine is a pearl and silver pendant. It's so pretty I promise to cherish it for the rest of my life. HAHA! Realllyyyy! I'm not too big on jewellry but for pearls and sentimental pieces, I go crazy.


this is a picture of the pretty pendant! the chain came from the white gold heart-diamond pendant tito lynn and tito jon gave me as a gift for my 21st birthday. I wear it everytime! :)


just two of the pear earrings tito lynn and tito jon gave me. they're my favorites too! Mama also gave me a pair of pearl/yellow gold earrings. I plan to keep them until I grow old because I want it to be an heirloom. :P


This is a very sasbog entry. It's quite appropriate because I can't be coherent right now. Must be the medicine kicking in.

Lastly, it's a shame to waste phone memory space. So here are random photos:


1. Alej was ecstatic when he bought the third season of Prison Break at Dampa in Macapagal. But to his dismay, the dvd was broken.
2. Alej hanging out at my house.
3. This is us at 1 year and 4 months!
4. My sister eating pizza at Pricesmart.
5. Cinnamon sugar churros!
6. This is Ala snuggling her head under the sofa. I think she likes it there because it's dark and cool there.
7. Us again! Don't you hate cheesey couple pics? HAHA!
8. Good morning, sunshine!
9. Coca Cola. Bad for your health but still highly addictive.
10. Same size but cheaper than Big Gulp.
11. Papa and his Coke.
12. Angela's prom shoes. I love it! 50% off at Naturalizer. WHOOO!
13. Rock on!
14. Myanmar is famous for their teak wood because it's sturdy and it lasts for a long long time. We've had this dining set since I was a littleg irl and it still looks brand new.
15. Papa cooked pancit last Sunday for lunch and it was really good!

I'm going to be a bridesmaid next year for the first time. WOWW! :D :D :D

Good bye, kids!

Back from Sick Land

I'm back. I got sick for a week. Fever and then throwing up everything I eat. I actually lost weight from the whole ordeal. It could've excited me to lose that much weight in a few days but I'm not happy about it because I was so sick then and I don't want to even recall how I felt while I was sick. I was so weak that all I wanted to do was to lay in bed the whole day (but even sleeping made me sick). On the third day I started vomiting and on the third day my tummy was empty, I finally asked my father to bring me to the emergency room. After hours of waiting for tests results to come back they came back negative from any illnesses. So the doctors figured I must have eaten something that upset my stomach. They prescribed tummy medicine like Nexium and Plasil for the nausea.

I take Plasil on a regular basis since it was prescribed and it makes me ridiculously sleepy. Yesterday I took an exam and didn't know how long I would last with my eyes open. When I came home I crashed into bed and woke up still sleepy! Like crazy sleepy! I couldn't keep my eyes open. And good thing Tito Jon told me that Plasil actually makes one sleepy! Yikess. So I stopped taking it for now. Otherwise I'd go through the day without finishing anything!

So now I'm slowly going back to the daily grind. Today I worked on timesheets and spreadsheets for work and designed the Indayog Sayaw Manila 3 streamer. All this since lunch time. That's three hours. I haven't even gotten off this computer chair yet! And I'm still in my pajamas! yeowww.

I hate to go back to my computer geek self because my uncle might be right-- being in front of the computer all day (or maybe it's the Ibuprofen) is taking a toll on my health. But responsibilities come first so yeahh...

I'll update more when I feel like it. Good news is that I've stopped vomiting. Food in the stomach is way good news because I get my strength from what I eat. Without food in the tummy for four days can be excruciating for the body. I just wanted to fall into an induced coma so everything would pass. And it did. Praise the Lord! :) I still went to the wedding, though. That made me even sicker because I wasn't feeling well during the whole trip.

More later. Or tomorrow. Or next week.

I have mad catching up to do on all your blogs. Sheesh. This is going to be hard. Hehe.

See you, kids!

GYAHHH! I'm sick! In the literal sense. Rawr. I haven't had sleep yet since 2AM this morning (the time I went to bed after exchanging texts with Alej). This is so not good because I want to go to Pangasinan! To that wedding! I bought a lovely white blouse for that!

Anyway, I stayed up all night feeling the same way I did the night before last night. Except last night was worse because I was shivering even if I was all curled up. When I couldn't find other ways to keep warm (I didn't want to turn off the airconditioner), I put on socks. The thick, fluffy, fuzzy ones that are comfortable for cold temperature. My bones hurt and I couldn't sleep because it was uncomfortable. I should have known this was coming. It's just weird because the day before, I felt I was sick but when I felt my body temperature it seemed normal. Maybe because I was already hot all over. So last night while I lay awake in bed trying to figure out what's wrong with me, I gave up and asked my sister if I was sick. This was around 5AM in the morning. When she said I was I took Bioflu right away. I feel guilty waking her up like that especially if she had to wake up early this morning for work. That was almost three hours ago and I'm still awake. Grawr. I want to sleep! I was going to have a long day today, you know. And maybe see the first day of the Pyrolympics but my father came into the room today to make sure I was okay because he said if I don't get better today, I won't be going tomorrow. NO WAY, MAN! I want to go!!!

I'm supposed to be at Tech4Kids at Greenhills today to meet up with Reggie, Sam, and Arbie. WAHHH!!!!

I know, I'm extra whiney when I'm sick. I should get some sleep now.

That's weird. I've been trying to access LJ the whole day until I gave up using Firefox. I tried with IE and voila! :D I'm in! :P

I've been feeling sick the whole day. It started last night when I felt like my bones were brittle because I experienced pricking pain the whole night. I thought if I slept it off until morning I'd be okay again. I was also expecting to get the flu but where could I have caught it? I woke up and stared at the wall for a few minutes and realized that my bones still hurt. It was like I was horizontally inclined the whole morning. I gave in to Panadol Extra to make me feel better and it did. But right now my bones hurt again. That pricking sensation is bothering me. Animal Planet and the show about penguins made me feel better as I lay on my bed half asleep.

Medicine and Alej made me feel better in the evening when he dropped by. We watched Animal Planet a bit and then left for Ortigas to meet up with his mom. We dropped by Megamall, went around Cybermall and gaped at a pretty green(!) 4GB flash disk!! *salivates* I also impulsively bought a set of colorful bangles. We had dinner at Behrouz at Metrowalk. Shawarma was soooo stuffing but soo good. :9

I hope I feel better tomorrow. The aching of my bones is back. I need to be in tip-top shape because I'm leaving for Pangasinan at 5AM Saturday morning to be at a 2PM wedding in Dagupan. My father is going be one of the sponsors of the couple to be married and we're staying overnight at Dagupan before the drive back home to Manila on Sunday. I haven't started packing and I should have done it earlier because tomorrow I'll be gone the whole day and I'd be too tired to pack at night. *groans*

Toodles, kids!

Always take care of your heart (literally and figuratively)

I was diagnosed with mitral valve prolapse two years ago by my cardiologist. And because my mother wanted a second opinion we went all the way from St. Luke's to Makati Medical Center just to make sure. We looked for the best cardiologist there was and just like the first, the second cardiologist reassured us that it is not fatal, there's no cure, and I should live life normally. It's congenital, meaning I had it since birth.

The thing is, both doctors told me the good news but they didn't help me get familiarized with the disease. They didn't tell me more about Mitral Valve Prolapse-- its causes and what I should avoid to trigger shortness of breath and migraines. Yes, migraines. I did researching on my own and found out that MVP causes headaches and the dizziness and blackouts I get everytime I try to rise up after lying down are normal with MVPs. They didn't tell me what I should expect nor did they tell me that I shouldn't panic the minute I start having difficulty in breathing. They didn't even tell me the symptoms of the disease!

MITRAL VALVE PROLAPSE SYNDROME
COMMON SYMPTOMS

•Chest pain - check!
•Fatigue - check! I get tired easily.
•Palpitations, extra heart beat - check! check! check! This is definitely not new to me. I get it all the time even if I'm just sitting down or lying in bed, I feel like I went running.
•Lightheadedness, dizziness - check! Especially when I get up from bed-- I get dizzy and sometimes blackout for a few seconds.
•Shortness of breath - check! I feel like I'm drowning or suffocating, all the time.
•Anxiety and/or panic attacks - oh, yes!
•Headaches - yes! yes! yes! can my migraines be MVP related?
•Low exercise tolerance - check! That's why I have low tolerance for the gym but my cardiologist recommends aerobic excerises like swimming, walking, jogging, etc.
•Mood swings - in behalf of Alej, I say "YES".

MVPers report other symptoms. Common ones include:

•chronically cold hands and feet
•gastrointestinal stomach disturbances
•problems with memory or a feeling of fogginess
•inability to concentrate
•mood swings
•problems sleeping
•numbness or tingling of the arms or legs
•arm, back, or shoulder discomfort
•difficulty swallowing
•lump in the throat

And there's more:

•Emotional stress
•Excessive fatigue
•Unaccustomed physical activity
•Being anxious or nervous
•Caffeine
•Medicines with stimulants (Excedrin! It has a ridiculous amount of caffeine for migraine)
•Sweets
•Being in a hot, dry environment
•Dehydration
•Flu, cold, or other illnesses
•Lack of sleep
•Alcohol
•Smoking
•Skipping meals
•Rushing around
•Lying on the left or right side
•Menses
•Menopause

So it's really crazy. The doctors sugarcoated my heart condition and I hate it because they didn't tell me these things. They should have told me these things so that I won't think that I'm a hypochondriac or even crazy half the time. They would have saved me from a lot of worrying. So now you probably know why I keep making up excuses to not see the cardiologist anually for my regular 2D-Echocardiography, Holter monitoring test, and ECG-- they're always in a rush and they don't do me any good. If there's no cure, then I'll live with that. I still think they should have briefed me on Mitral Valve Prolapse and not just diagnosing me with it. I am the patient and I have the right to know.

aromatherapy

lights are off, i'm alone in the room, soft music in the background, and it's cold. mental note to self: buy Spirit of Moonflower oil from The Body Shop for the incense burner tomorrow at the mall. candles too. i remember i used to love burning Spirit of Moonflower every night after a cold shower last Christmas. it relaxed me. then i'd stay up all night with only the sounds in the background letting my mind drift where it wanted to go. other times i'd sit up on the bed leaning on the wall sipping hot chocolate and reading. these are the times when i feel like posting a "don't disturb me! off bonding with self!" sign on the door.

i feel like i could use the wonder of an incense burner right now. i haven't touched the pretty yellow ceramic burner for a long time. maybe i could throw in facial masks (the ones that supposedly makes you feel better) and slices of cucumber for my eyes. that would be so relaxing. i always plan to do these things but end up not doing it.

speaking of feeling good, good is far from what i'm feeling right now. my throat is really itchy and i feel like i'm going to come down with a cold. a few girls in class have colds and i think i might have caught it. i can't afford to feel sick because i already have a quiz lined up for next week. oh yes, class for that subject officially started today and we already have a quiz for the second meeting. oh yeah, i'm currently addicted to artificial crab sticks. i pick on artificial crab sticks in sushis but now i like eating it fresh from the bag. :9