life is good

wow. kudos to me for getting things done! HAHA! i was pretty productive today. as of 2pm i was able to:

1. make teasers for the Feb. 7 symposium entitled: CHArter: CHAnge or CHAllenge? (get the cha-cha-cha eppex?). it's a symposium on various views on Charter Change-- the provisions as well as pros and cons. it's a huge event in celebration of the Department of Social Science week. the Area Studies program juniors and seniors are in charge of the symposium. so there.

2. i already contacted Danes for the plug at DWLSFM. Will meet up with him at the station on Thursday a.m.

and...

3. contacted Joey from INQ7.net's Cross Campus to post and announcement and write and article about it. the more publications we need, the better. i like the Publicity head thing. i love public relations. HAHA! oh, and also our professor wants to contact ANC, Malaya, and other newspapers out there to announce about the symposium. the more publicity, the better!

phew!

i am currently researching from my research materials (books, publications, and research papers on HIV/AIDS). to pump up my adrenaline i downed a mug of strong green tea to prevent me from sleeping. also, i downloaded classical mp3s to my music player like Pachelbel's Canon in D, Forrest Gump's musical score from the soundtrack, and songs from Miss Saigon for inspiration (you know what they say about music, it stirs the emotions).

i've repeated the musical score from Forrest Gump over and over and as i read Population Bulletin's publication on the HIV/AIDS pandemic around the world, i want to cry. no shit. my long-term goal is to be a human rights or HIV/AIDS advocate (you know, volunteer and stuff while i work). i fully support the campaign against HIV/AIDS and poverty. this thesis is a baby step to achieving that goal. i also wanted to write a thesis that would contribute to society, you know. i feel that if i do this correctly, it just might be a small but significant contribution. i figured if i want to fight the battle against the pandemic, i might as well feed myself with knowledge on how serious this really is.

anyway, if i had known that music was the inspiration i was looking for to push forward with this thesis, i would have listened to them over and over a long time ago.

and today i came into a conclusion in the middle of my notes-taking, classical music soundtripping, and researching...

it's not how fast you get to the finish line but how you tried to get there and how you learned from experiences. sometimes it's not all about who finishes first or last. it's about taking things slowly one step at a time and working on things slowly but surely and actually learning while you're at it..

so yeah. i have to get back to work.

again, thank you, Lord.

it's also my parents' 24th wedding anniversary. dinner later even if my mom's still in the states (not until next month the 18th, though!) yeheyness! :)

it's 2am i must be lonely

it's past 2am. what the hell am i doing this wide awake?

i can't sleep. i always have trouble sleeping but once i'm knocked out, you can't pull me off the bed until it's noon. i know. it's a bad habit i can live without, really. i remember having early 7am classes last semester. i used to appreciate mornings. i used to be a morning person. yes, trying to drag myself off the bed took me a lot of extra effort. hitting the shower while the sun wasn't up yet was torture. and leaving the house while it was still dark out was creepy- but in a good kind of way because it was peaceful. the crisp air was a reminder that in mornings, it's always safe to breathe in oxygen because it's not as polluted as the air during daytime. i enjoyed my morning walks and listening to the birds chirp. the sky would still be gloomy but strangely comforting although good weathered mornings also mean an urge to stay in bed and wish i could hibernate for another few months or so until it's finally summer vacation once again.

i hate staying up this late because everyone's asleep. the house is quiet and the only sounds i hear are a few creaking sounds here and there (it's the wooden furnitures expanding or the opposite, they say). the sound of the ticking of the clocks in the living room is annoying but for a girl who has grown accustomed to hearing these sounds everytime, they've become music to my ears-- a sort of song that reminds me that i am not alone and that i should not be scared.

half of my body wants to simply crawl under the covers and pretend i'd fall asleep easily. but half of me knows that once i'm under the covers i'd stare at the ceiling and count sheeps or do whatever it is they say to make my brain shut down and sleep. on unfortunate nights i lay awake staring off space with my mind afloat thinking of random things. sometimes it doesn't get pretty because i get to think about things that would soon bother me and further keep me awake until the sun rises. fortunately, i haven't been awake till sunrise lately. and i don't yearn for that day, thank you very much.

maybe it's about time to get a jar of honey. it's a good insomnia remedy, they say. although my sleeping disorder isn't insomnia yet, i don't wish for it to go there. i hate my trancelike state and eyebags whenever i sleep only a few hours.

oh well. here's hoping that i get some sleep tonight. sweet dreams for me tonight, i hope.

the art of blogging

i've been lazy to update because i've been updating my Livejournal more. it's more fun over there. it's a community of different personalities: artists, poets, writers, or simply geek bloggers/pseudo philosophers who rant about anything under the sun. blogging is not just this-is-what-i-did-today writing. it varies, actually. this topic reminds me of the article on Young Star titled "Blog Shmog". the huge fonts of the title caught my eye so i read it. the writer criticized the idea of blogs and bloggers. he said he does not get what the big fuss over the art of blogging is about. he asked the question of why people would even publish their lives online for the entire world to read. he said he has more valuable time to read websites that are more intellectually stimulating or interesting for his taste and all that jazz. i sensed arrogrance in his article and wanted to crumple the paper into a ball and toss it into the trash can. then i saw the email address on the bottom of the article. i wanted to write him a letter explaining the idea of blogs from the viewpoint of a blogger. perhaps he needs an email so that he will experience an epiphany and realize how much of an airhead he was generalizing the very idea of blogging.

so why do people blog, you ask?

it's not that we bloggers are in dire need of attention nor do we want to show off how grand or pathetic our lives are. most bloggers i know love the idea of venting or just writing. i can't say all bloggers are "writers". like me. i like to write and i am an opinionated person but that doesn't mean that i claim to be a writer or a good one at that. it just so happens that my brain thinks about the most trivial things and then i feel the impulse to write about my random musings. other times i just feel like writing about anything under the sun because it is what relaxes me and makes me feel lighter when i'm stressed out or in dire need of venting. i started out blogging by this-what-i-did-today entries and then gradually my blogging evolved into more significant posts like my pseudo-philosophical pondering on my life or life in general.

blogs these days have powerful influences on the readers. blogs can be used to send out messages to people-- issues that need empowerment, knowledge that need to be shared to people, or share opinions on particular subject matters. it's all about the way of sharing it or bringing out the message to the readers that make blogs all the more interesting than just daily past-times.

my friend Paolo mentioned once that he doesn't know why he does it but he likes browsing blogs of people he doesn't even know. my other friends, on the otherhand, read my blog because they just feel like updating on what's going on with me. after telling Van that i thought about closing this blog down and writing locked entries on Livejournal instead, she stopped me and said that she won't be able to read about how i am anymore. yes, we're friends in the "real world", this physical world and not the cyberworld, but what i write on my blog is usually the more intimate thoughts that i fail to talk about sometimes. or maybe my friends just can't have enought of me (HAHA! just joking).

to make the long story short: i did not write the author of that YS article about how stupid and narrow-minded i think he is for generalizing the act of blogging and for criticizing bloggers too. i remembered the phrase "to each his own". people have different perspectives on things and our opinions often clash. so i figured maybe that's how pathetic he thinks blogging is so leave him be.

i just wish he didn't criticize the act of blogging and judging bloggers as if they had no other important things to do and no life to live. for your information, many of us have busy tasks on our hands-- thesis to write, exams to study for, and mad researching to do. that's why we blog often-- to take a breather and remember to ponder on our lives instead of being carried away by the strong currents of the river we're navigating our boats on. we want our opinions to be heard and our blog is where we turn to. or maybe sometimes we just love to write that much which is why we rant about the most trivial things sometimes.

oh, dear. i really hope he gets to stumble into this. and he should be thankful i forgot his address and his name even if i still read the Young Star section of the paper every week. he doesn't matter anyway. people who disrespect other people's opinion just because it is different from their own is just sad.

so there. i'll just leave him with his opinion and respect whatever he wrote there (even if it seems like i'm badmouthing him right this very moment). i just wish he'd leave us, blogger geeks, alone too.

whatever happened to respect, anyway?

the art of blogging

i've been lazy to update because i've been updating my Livejournal more. it's more fun over there. it's a community of different personalities: artists, poets, writers, or simply geek bloggers/pseudo philosophers who rant about anything under the sun. blogging is not just this-is-what-i-did-today writing. it varies, actually. this topic reminds me of the article on Young Star titled "Blog Shmog". the huge fonts of the title caught my eye so i read it. the writer criticized the idea of blogs and bloggers. he said he does not get what the big fuss over the art of blogging is about. he asked the question of why people would even publish their lives online for the entire world to read. he said he has more valuable time to read websites that are more intellectually stimulating or interesting for his taste and all that jazz. i sensed arrogrance in his article and wanted to crumple the paper into a ball and toss it into the trash can. then i saw the email address on the bottom of the article. i wanted to write him a letter explaining the idea of blogs from the viewpoint of a blogger. perhaps he needs an email so that will experience an epiphany and realize how much of an airhead he was generalizing the very idea of blogging.

so why do people blog, you ask?

it's not that we bloggers are in dire need of attention nor do we want to show off how grand or pathetic our lives are. most bloggers i know love the idea of venting or just writing. i can't say all bloggers are "writers". like me. i like to write and i am an opinionated person but that doesn't mean that i claim to be a writer or a good one at that. it just so happens that my brain thinks about the most trivial things and then i feel the impulse to write about my random musings. other times i just feel like writing about anything under the sun because it is what relaxes me and makes me feel lighter when i'm stressed out or in dire need of venting. i started out blogging by this-what-i-did-today entries and then gradually my blogging evolved into more significant posts like my pseudo-philosophical pondering on my life or life in general.

blogs these days have powerful influences on the readers. blogs can be used to send out messages to people-- issues that need empowerment, knowledge that need to be shared to people, or share opinions on particular subject matters. it's all about the way of sharing it or bringing out the message to the readers that make blogs all the more interesting than just daily past-times.

my friend Paolo mentioned once that he doesn't know why he does it but he likes browsing blogs of people he doesn't even know. my other friends, on the otherhand, read my blog because they just feel like updating on what's going on with me. after telling Van that i thought about closing this blog down and writing locked entries on Livejournal instead, she stopped me and said that she won't be able to read about how i am anymore. yes, we're friends in the "real world", this physical world and not the cyberworld, but what i write on my blog is usually the more intimate thoughts that i fail to talk about sometimes. or maybe my friends just can't have enought of me (HAHA! just joking).

to make the long story short: i did not write the author of that YS article about how stupid and narrow-minded i think he is for generalizing the act of blogging and for criticizing bloggers too. i remembered the phrase "to each his own". people have different perspectives on things and our opinions often clash. so i figured maybe that's how pathetic he thinks blogging is so leave him be.

i just wish he didn't criticize the act of blogging and judging bloggers as if they had no other important things to do and no life to live. for your information, many of us have busy tasks on our hands-- thesis to write, exams to study for, and mad researching to do. that's why we blog often-- to take a breather and remember to ponder on our lives instead of being carried away by the strong currents of the river we're navigating our boats on. we want our opinions to be heard and our blog is where we turn to. or maybe sometimes we just love to write that much which is why we rant about the most trivial things sometimes.

oh, dear. i really hope he gets to stumble into this. and he should be thankful i forgot his address and his name even if i still read the Young Star section of the paper every week. he doesn't matter anyway. people who disrespects people's opinions just because it is different from his own makes me sick.

whatever happened to respect?

i should be studying but...

omigod. monette just texted me and said she saw a Rubber Ducky flash drive featured on Digital Tour!!! wahh! so i searched the internet right away and look how adorable they are!!! they have it in 2GB!

oh, man! i have to find out where they are sold! i have to! i have to! i must email Digital Tour yey! found the email and begged for the iDUCK info HAHA! i think they have an email address and they give the store and price of the gadget there.

* * *
and i want to cut my hair-- maintain the length but give it style. i'm so bored with my hair.

i'm downloading Backstreet Boys mp3s HAHA! no, i wasn't one of the crazy fangirls who went to the concert although i wish i went :'( i didn't go because everyone i asked to come with me were "too cool" to go to the boyband concert with me. *bawls* i should have went! and then the morning after the concert, my father asked why i didn't go. he said he should've went with me if he had known that i wanted to but no one wanted to accompany me. phsoosh. i'm a fuggindork for not exploring possibilities. i know i should die in shame for admitting my crazy fangirlness haha! but BSB was a huge part of my adolscence! HAHA! so going to the concert is a sort-of tribute, y'know.

okay, okay, i know i should be studying. fuggindork is not even halfway to finishing what she is reviewing. shoosh. and fuggindork likes saying "fuggindork" because er, i don't know when it started but i was like "hey! FUGGINDORK is a cool word!" HAHAHA! okay, okay. i can take a hint. [inserts foot in mouth].

signing off...

real life drama the Gail way

I am naturally stubborn. I am the perfect example of hard-headedness and no one should ever follow that negative trait of mine. Whenever my parents get mad at me, I reason out a lot. And I call it "reasoning out" instead of "answering back" because it's true. I don't reason out because I aim to disrespect them. I reason out because I've always been a believer that if I have a point in mind and reasons or justification for my actions, then I shouldn't be afraid to voice it out. But parents will always be parents. When they talk, they want the floor all to themselves and once you start telling them your point, they misunderstand you.

And yes. I feel that I am misunderstood by the parental units all the time because I am stubborn that way. Perhaps sometimes I should just insert a foot inside my mouth and swallow the sermons I get (occasionally, mind you...) from them so that the story will be shorter than how it usually turns out when I start being my opinionated self. I get confused at times, too. I can't pretend I always understand why I am not allowed to talk when I'm being forced to listen to a long-ass lecture. I guess when you become a parent there's this unwritten rule that says "Thou shall not let children reason out because you will always be right no matter what." Is that mean? Er, I think not because I know a lot of parents who are as stubborn as their children.

My parents rock, they really do. I've gotten all the training (well, almost all...) I need to survive the jungle that is we call the "world". But maybe sometimes they're just as stubborn as I am, you know. Maybe the child-parent relationship is a give and take process. Each unit learns from the other although parents are usually wiser than the child because of the experience they've already had.

Whatever my shortcomings are as a daughter, I am heartily sorry for that because I don't know why this head of mine became as hard as it is. I try to be a good daughter, I really do. But sometimes I mess things up without even realizing it and it breaks my heart each time I fail my parents because they've been very lenient with me-- never pressuring me to do things I can't do or I don't want to do.

So tonight, after 2 days of not speaking with my father because of a misunderstanding, I texted him:

Hi Papa. Di ko alam kung bakit bigla ka nagalit sa akin
pero whatever the reason was/is... I'm sorry. Good nyt. I love you.
(I don't know why you got mad at me but whatever the reason was/is...
I'm sorry. Good nyt. I love you.)

I'm daddy's little girl (being the youngest). So my father getting mad at me is like walking around for two days with a knife stuck to my chest. So now we're good because he replied and said he was happy that I apologized and said he loved me very much too.

I may act like a big girl, all grown up but deep inside I'm still that little girl who needs to be assured that it's okay to make mistakes as long as you realize your wrongdoings and make amends with people whose foot you've stepped on. Alej showed me that tonight. He pushed me to make peace with my father (and next..my sister). Actually, he has been doing that for two days. I don't like screwing up relationships. He said we hurt people who are close to us because we love them. when I finally told him i texted my father, he said I'm hard-headed because I still need to be pushed in order to swim. How right! Like I said, I still need a lot of growing up to do. Like many other reconciliations, this feels like swallowing hot green tea on a cold night-- it makes your insides feel warm and fuzzy and the other good thing about this all is that knife is finally out of my chest. And my sister and I okay again. We're all happy now. I love my family and I'm so glad that now matter how many times I screw up, they love me just the same. (don't worry, it won't be an excuse to screw up again).

There's othing like a good-hearted soul to push you back on the right track after you've strayed away. And in my case, the good-hearted soul came in form of a boyfriend.

There's nothing like admitting your mistakes, dropping your guard, and apologizing after hard contemplation on things said and done.

There's nothing like forgiveness and letting go of pride just to fix things with the ones you love.

And finally, there's nothing like feeling that everything is right in the world again.

tra la la! now i can sleep soundly tonight.

mondays always get me down

I am nearsighted. In case you're confused with "nearsighted" and "farsighted", nearsighted is when the eye cannot focus on objects from afar. I get headaches from my nearsightedness too because my opthalmologist said that when the eye has trouble focusing on objects, it triggers headaches. One who is nearsighted can only see clearly if objects are close. My being nearsighted has caused me many shameful moments. For example, there was this one time when I was walking along RH lobby at school. I see this guy coming inside and because it was a bit far, I started waving like a lunatic because I thought this person was someone I know. When he came closer, I wanted to crawl under a rock in shame and die. He turned out to be someone I do not know at all. Then something similar happened just last week. I was walking in front of the USC office when this guy sitting on the bench looked familiar. He smiled at me and I smiled back and again, I waved. Guess what? When I looked closer I realized that I do not know that person at all. Arggh. It was the nth time that I said hello to a complete stranger. People I say "hello" to in school (or anywhere else) might thing I'm a huge flirt!

But the thing is, like Jane, I don't like wearing my glasses often. They make me look old, it's uncomfortable to wear all the time (although it DOES improve the sight a mighty lot), and I just don't like them. Contacts are complicated for me because for one, I'm not into the whole process of taking them off, cleaning them, putting them on again, and dropping eye drops once in a while when my eyes get dry. But I am thinking about purchasing disposable ones just to see if they will work for me. I just hope I'm going to be responsible enough to maintain contact lenses.

__________

I've been sound tripping and updating songs to my Mini weeks after accidentally reformatting the whole thing TWICE. I know. Stupid of me. But it's time to get a move on because I'm already sick of listening to the same songs over and over. I am yet to make that trip to U.M. (yes, near La Salle) to hoard mp3 cds because I'm just too lazy to download and too much of a cheapskate to purchase original (imported) cds. Besides, they really have good alternative mp3 selections there. Only, I'm too lazy to take that one ride from Faura to V. Cruz.

I've already borrowed a shitload of books from the Women and Gender Studies Center of UPM. I need to get them photocopied for future reference and I'll have to shell out a huge amount just to get these books recopied (don't worry, I won't mass reproduce). But ah well. Anything for convenience.

The week has been tough for me. Emotionalwise but life goes on. When reality bites, bite harder. Right?

This song so fits my mood lately:

Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.
I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in new york city
And I don’t know why.

Are we listening to hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see that love is gathering?
All the words that I’ve been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding into one.

So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
As the years roll down.
’cause it’s the world I know.
It’s the world I know.
The World I Know, Collective Soul

I associate my musings to music that I listen to because sometimes they say words that fit the black hole inside my hearta perfectly.

Speaking of Reality Bites, I watched it for the nth time last week on Cinemax. It's my all-time favorite movie. No matter how many times I see it I still love it just the same. U2's All I Want is You and Lisa Loeb's Stay is classic. I'm in love with Ethan Hawke's character in the movie. He's grungey and mysterious and SO SMART and so crushable. HAHA! "crushable". I'm laughing at myself now.

This morning I watched Unbreakable for the first time. I think I will always have a thing for movies that people find bland. I don't know. What's with me? I appreciated Unbreakable contrary to what others thought of the movie. I liked Big Fish too even if others thought it was weird. I like weird. Weird is me.

Okay bye. Enough ranting for today. More on reading on HIV/AIDS and downloading. Yes, multi-tasking at its finest.

something to think about

I'm not a perfect person that's why I hate it when I make mistakes and people give me a hard time about it. Erm, I'm just thinking out loud.

Totally unrelated: U.P. Manila Indayog Dance Varsity held it's 2nd Sayaw Manila last night at the Philam Life Auditorium. It's a dance concert featuring the different UPM college dance groups. It was fun watching. Besides, we were also there to support Apple-- our dancing diva of the block. HAHA! We're a melting pot of talented artists: stage actors/actresses, graphic artists, writers, and etc. Makes me feel lucky to be in Block 9! (yabang noh?).

Anyway, I designed the ticket and poster for the whole event. It was a nice feeling seeing my design printed on the tickets, on the souvenir program, and on the posters. Also, the nicest feeling was when i saw my name as the credits rolled on-- Graphic Artist: Gail Monique Limcumpao. Artists who have formally trained to be called "graphic artists" might violently protest because these people labeled me a "graphic artist" when in fact I only self taught myself to use Adobe Photoshop and manipulate photos. So if you have violent reactioins, be my guest. It was my few seconds of fame anyway and I loved it. I thought I could take this hobby of designing posters and whatnot to the next level by taking classes so I can freelance in designing posters or web designing. My future workmate (who is a more-than-once web awards winner) said he'd gladly help me out in teaching me more about web designing. That will be really fun. Maybe I can freelance! At the same time, I'll do what I really love to do and earn.

Here are samples of the poster and ticket designs:

So in case you need anyone to help you with your poster/ticket design needs, you'll know who's going to willingly help you out.

I'm going to end this post by sharing this quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light , not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make and manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson, "Return to Love"

i'm sleepy. bullets will do for now.

. Chronicles of Narnia was awesome. watching it in a cinema with THX at greenbelt made it even more awesome.
. finished reading Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret (Judy Blume).
. promise, I'll write my thesis tomorrow. I can. I will. I must.
. also tomorrow-- work schedule and email adviser for a deadline.
. write questionaire for interviewees and survey questions if possible.
. friday-- Philippine General Hospital (SAGIP unit), UP College of Med, and possibly National Library.
. contact people from NGOs and schedule interviews.

I can do this! Good luck to me! I have to be productive. I must. I will. Hmp! So if ever I'll be gone for a few days, that means the heavens took pity upon me and blessed me with industriousness, patience, and ability to focus to pull my act together. I need to survive what i call "Academic Darwinism". explantion of this theory will be explained further when i'm free from obligations to finish my tasks but i'm sure you have an idea already.

crazy tuesday always drives me crazy

I am tired. Please remind me not to down a mug of hot green tea right before going to bed. It was my fault because I thought I could stay up all night studying for two exams and then I changed my mind after because I finished studying early. By the time I was dead tired at 2am, I couldn't sleep and the wall clock in the room was ticking and tocking in my ears that I wanted to grab it from the wall and switch it off. A few restless hours later, I woke up grumpily and wished that the day was over so I could finally crawl back into bed.

It's a good thing two exams are off my back now. One report and two more exams (which are still unscheduled) to go. Then there's thesis. Speaking of thesis, I am very worried that I might not finish on time. I hate not finishing things and not beating the deadline. I feel that my adviser trusts me too much to not impose a deadline for a first draft and I hate to disappoint him. I should demand for a deadline because I work well with pressure. Most of my blockmates have thesis dilemmas too because we're being treated like mature adults now-- most of us don't have deadlines. We can submit it whenever we want to as long as we have outputs. But the thing is, are we really that mature and disciplined? Maybe my blockmates but sad to say, I do not trust myself. So yes, I will ask for a deadline and make that work plan probably tonight so I can finally get a move on. I'm like a turtle sleepily approaching that finish line. So near, yet so far.

But despite my crankly sleepless self, as always, my blockmates and closest friends kept me really sane. Oh, and lets not forget the hot (very strong) mocha from the caf because we ran out of iced coffee. WHO RUNS OUT OF ICED COFFEE AT 12PM? oh well. Like what paolo said, our block is like a bunch of characters from a crazy sitcom with our crazy jokes and antics. I swear, we can actually make a comedy show (think Arrested Development). We're accidentally funny and amusing in a lot of ways and I'm not just saying this because this is my block I'm talking about.

And then there's the usual killing of vacant time at UP Manila's "student center" that is the Robinson's Place Ermita. I love window shopping and just walking around with my school friends. Today we browsed all the bookstores: Booksale, National Bookstore, and Powerbooks and saw many books that I'd like. I also got Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume because in freshman year I keep seeing it on the bookshelves at the Young Adult/Children's Books section. Then some time last year I saw the Top 100 Novels of All Time by TIME Magazine and the book got into the list so it must be good, right? And speaking of books, I traded one of my two copies of The Bonesetter's Daughter (Amy Tan) with Bea for The Rule of Four.

At the end of the day, I hung out with Van a little more at the mall and then went home where I collapsed on the couch with Amidala (the shi-tzu) sitting on top of my tummy as if saying that she missed me the whole day. I could have slept for hours on the couch but my sister made me move to the room. And then when I got there just as I was falling asleep, she started talking and I couldn't sleep anymore.

But I got a few hours of sleep after dinner. I'm saving the rest of my drowsiness for later because I still have to wake up early tomorrow for another class.

Hope everyone had a great Tuesday. :)

new layout both Firefox and IE compatible

A new lay-out. For the first time, this layout works well with both Mozilla Firefox and Internet Explorer.

My new discovery for the day: Library Thing. It basically serves as your online inventory of the books on your bookshelf. I entered all the books that I can remember (too lazy to check the bookshelf and write down all those books). So far, so good. I just have to add the Sweet Valley ones some time when I'm free again because yes, I used to like Sweet Valley, Nancy Drew, The Baby Sitter's Club, Enid Blyton, and etc.

The tagboard is back too so drop me a line if you read this blog. You know it makes my day. :)

I need to get studying done for tuesday's exams. I have two. The two that got postponed last Friday. The two exams that I studied for the whole Thursday until 5am in the morning (while squeezing three ours of sleep sometime after 3am and my brain just would not function anymore). I tried not drinking coffee to keep me awake. Instead, I had green tea and I must have refilled my mug twice or thrice because although I tried to sleep, when the alarm went off I felt like I did not sleep at all. But I was delighted to find out that both exams were postponed (the other professor got sick, the other one was an angel because he moved it to tuesday too.. phew!). So yes, I should have protested but I was too happy even if i lacked sleep because I feel like I'm not ready for the exam just yet.

So this is me logging off. I have to study some more.

thinking out loud

My personal belief is that the more we grow older, the lesser we care about what people think because we have developed our wings. We are no longer caterpillars confined to the ground. We have undergone the excruciating process of metamorphosis. With our new wings, they will enable us to fly and soar to the great unkown-- to breakaway from the chains that used to bind us.

Forget growing pains.

There is still today and tomorrow and many more days after that to do what we want to do.

The most important thing to remember during our future flights is to stay grounded just in case we fly too high.

by the sea shore

by the sea shore
Originally uploaded by shutterbug-gail.

oh my! look! i can't stop! this is another beach picture that i took at Subic.

there's something about walking barefoot on the sand, watching the waves crash to the shore, and sitting down to dig your feet into the sand to feel the grains against your skin.

one day i'll live by the sea or be buried by the sea like Edgar Allan Poe's Annabelle Lee. but death can wait. i have to live to enjoy the sun, sand, and sea a litle more first. :)

at the beach in subic bay

at the beach in subic bay,
originally uploaded by shutterbug-gail.

i love photos of the sky. they make me feel a certain serenity that i can never feel when i'm back in the city. you can view the larger version at my Deviant Art account.

i should take photos again. it has been a while and i missed it. i swear, i'm going to save for the Lomo LCA.

and photography workshops! *salivates*

inquisitivity

sometimes i don't understand life. i know we're not really meant to get answers from our questions because the questions we have about life are meant to be just that-- mysteries that will remain forever unsolved. maybe in time, as we grow older, we forget about the questions that we have when we were younger and they disappear into some blackhole at the back of our minds-- forever forgotten like they never existed. that's what we do when we grow older, right? we stop asking questions because we learn to "go with the flow" and let the stream take us anywhere because we just stop caring.

and sometimes i don't understand myself why i still get frustrated when i don't get answers.

these are the woes of inquisitivity.

i got back from the beach where the sky is clear, the sea is calm, and the wind is friendly late at 11pm last night. subic was fun. good friends, great times. i thought going on a beach trip in january was a ridiculous idea but i was wrong. the weather was friendly-- sometimes sunny, sometimes cool. it was a perfect balance and i loved it. several times i found myself straying away from the shady tree that my friends and i unofficially claimed to be "ours". i'd sit on a boulder at the shallow part of the water and watch the small waves move along with the wind. i watched a sail boat pass by and clouds move until they covered the peaks of the mountains afar. i smiled when the sun shone brightly on me and burned by shoulders to a crisp. it was a perfect way to unwind before going back to school.

i hate it that i'm going back to school. exams, thesis, papers, reports, and what-have-yous are lined-up. i feel that i am not ready to take it back in once again. thinking about it makes me stressed already. but this is life, the show must go on. maybe i should have an optimistic outlook considering that it's the start of the year.

i have around 10 (or is it 20? must check) chapters to read for my History of North Asia class. i know it's interesting because it's about oriental culture. i'm just in no shape.

have a good one, everyone. here's hoping that your 2006 will be a good one. if not good, may it be the BEST.

my new year to-do list:

- save for a Lomo LCA camera.
- start a collage journal.
- smile and be more optimistic.
- be less stressful.
- embrace photography.
- write more (significant things).
- be a human living instead of just "being".

i know i said i wouldn't make resolutions or such. but i think it's good to make a list just in case i go off track and forget to do what i really want to do in life.