real life drama the Gail way

I am naturally stubborn. I am the perfect example of hard-headedness and no one should ever follow that negative trait of mine. Whenever my parents get mad at me, I reason out a lot. And I call it "reasoning out" instead of "answering back" because it's true. I don't reason out because I aim to disrespect them. I reason out because I've always been a believer that if I have a point in mind and reasons or justification for my actions, then I shouldn't be afraid to voice it out. But parents will always be parents. When they talk, they want the floor all to themselves and once you start telling them your point, they misunderstand you.

And yes. I feel that I am misunderstood by the parental units all the time because I am stubborn that way. Perhaps sometimes I should just insert a foot inside my mouth and swallow the sermons I get (occasionally, mind you...) from them so that the story will be shorter than how it usually turns out when I start being my opinionated self. I get confused at times, too. I can't pretend I always understand why I am not allowed to talk when I'm being forced to listen to a long-ass lecture. I guess when you become a parent there's this unwritten rule that says "Thou shall not let children reason out because you will always be right no matter what." Is that mean? Er, I think not because I know a lot of parents who are as stubborn as their children.

My parents rock, they really do. I've gotten all the training (well, almost all...) I need to survive the jungle that is we call the "world". But maybe sometimes they're just as stubborn as I am, you know. Maybe the child-parent relationship is a give and take process. Each unit learns from the other although parents are usually wiser than the child because of the experience they've already had.

Whatever my shortcomings are as a daughter, I am heartily sorry for that because I don't know why this head of mine became as hard as it is. I try to be a good daughter, I really do. But sometimes I mess things up without even realizing it and it breaks my heart each time I fail my parents because they've been very lenient with me-- never pressuring me to do things I can't do or I don't want to do.

So tonight, after 2 days of not speaking with my father because of a misunderstanding, I texted him:

Hi Papa. Di ko alam kung bakit bigla ka nagalit sa akin
pero whatever the reason was/is... I'm sorry. Good nyt. I love you.
(I don't know why you got mad at me but whatever the reason was/is...
I'm sorry. Good nyt. I love you.)

I'm daddy's little girl (being the youngest). So my father getting mad at me is like walking around for two days with a knife stuck to my chest. So now we're good because he replied and said he was happy that I apologized and said he loved me very much too.

I may act like a big girl, all grown up but deep inside I'm still that little girl who needs to be assured that it's okay to make mistakes as long as you realize your wrongdoings and make amends with people whose foot you've stepped on. Alej showed me that tonight. He pushed me to make peace with my father (and next..my sister). Actually, he has been doing that for two days. I don't like screwing up relationships. He said we hurt people who are close to us because we love them. when I finally told him i texted my father, he said I'm hard-headed because I still need to be pushed in order to swim. How right! Like I said, I still need a lot of growing up to do. Like many other reconciliations, this feels like swallowing hot green tea on a cold night-- it makes your insides feel warm and fuzzy and the other good thing about this all is that knife is finally out of my chest. And my sister and I okay again. We're all happy now. I love my family and I'm so glad that now matter how many times I screw up, they love me just the same. (don't worry, it won't be an excuse to screw up again).

There's othing like a good-hearted soul to push you back on the right track after you've strayed away. And in my case, the good-hearted soul came in form of a boyfriend.

There's nothing like admitting your mistakes, dropping your guard, and apologizing after hard contemplation on things said and done.

There's nothing like forgiveness and letting go of pride just to fix things with the ones you love.

And finally, there's nothing like feeling that everything is right in the world again.

tra la la! now i can sleep soundly tonight.