it's 2am i must be lonely

it's past 2am. what the hell am i doing this wide awake?

i can't sleep. i always have trouble sleeping but once i'm knocked out, you can't pull me off the bed until it's noon. i know. it's a bad habit i can live without, really. i remember having early 7am classes last semester. i used to appreciate mornings. i used to be a morning person. yes, trying to drag myself off the bed took me a lot of extra effort. hitting the shower while the sun wasn't up yet was torture. and leaving the house while it was still dark out was creepy- but in a good kind of way because it was peaceful. the crisp air was a reminder that in mornings, it's always safe to breathe in oxygen because it's not as polluted as the air during daytime. i enjoyed my morning walks and listening to the birds chirp. the sky would still be gloomy but strangely comforting although good weathered mornings also mean an urge to stay in bed and wish i could hibernate for another few months or so until it's finally summer vacation once again.

i hate staying up this late because everyone's asleep. the house is quiet and the only sounds i hear are a few creaking sounds here and there (it's the wooden furnitures expanding or the opposite, they say). the sound of the ticking of the clocks in the living room is annoying but for a girl who has grown accustomed to hearing these sounds everytime, they've become music to my ears-- a sort of song that reminds me that i am not alone and that i should not be scared.

half of my body wants to simply crawl under the covers and pretend i'd fall asleep easily. but half of me knows that once i'm under the covers i'd stare at the ceiling and count sheeps or do whatever it is they say to make my brain shut down and sleep. on unfortunate nights i lay awake staring off space with my mind afloat thinking of random things. sometimes it doesn't get pretty because i get to think about things that would soon bother me and further keep me awake until the sun rises. fortunately, i haven't been awake till sunrise lately. and i don't yearn for that day, thank you very much.

maybe it's about time to get a jar of honey. it's a good insomnia remedy, they say. although my sleeping disorder isn't insomnia yet, i don't wish for it to go there. i hate my trancelike state and eyebags whenever i sleep only a few hours.

oh well. here's hoping that i get some sleep tonight. sweet dreams for me tonight, i hope.