friends

i met up with my high school friends to watch a cultural concert at the Miriam College. our other high school friend Anna is the president of the UNESCO org there & she invited us. the concert was really short. we had dinner (at 10pm!) at Pizza Hut in katipunan right after. i love hanging out with my high school friends! they make my belly ache for laughing too much! i also missed them SO MUCH which is why i really had a great time.

then we walked to starbucks after walking in the rain. i couldn't resist sharing corny jokes but as always, i started laughing so hard before delivering the punchline which naturally spoiled the fun. ARGH. but laugh trip pa rin! HAHA!

i am blessed with such good friends. i have different groups of friends. this is one of the many benefits of having to move around a lot & switch schools several times-- i keep meeting new people. my social skills were honed by meeting a lot of people too. all of them are awesome & i love them soooo much! they're all different in many ways but the common denominator? THEY ARE ALL SPECIAL :)

seeing them smile, hearing them laugh, knowing that they're happy is just PRICELESS!

the pages may crumble,
the pictures may fade
but we'll never forget the friends that we made.

we weren't complete. we're never complete. leigh lives in cavite, jern couldn't make it, dei & mac are in California, raiza was absent too... to the other people who couldn't make it... WE MISSED YOU!

mooseeek. sorry i'm on a natural high.

i feel silly when i start bobbing my head & start dancing to Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Girl like crazy. seriously! i had the worst Last Song Syndrome (L.S.S.) two weeks ago when i couldn't stop singing "THIS S**T IS BANANAS, B-A-N-A-N-A-Ssssssssss!!!" it drove my sister crazy. so one day when my sister was in kuya John's car, Hollaback Girl played on the radio & they quickly switched to another station because they already had enough of the "banana song".

it's raining. i want to sleep, hibernate & then not wake up until December- my favorite time of the year. i don't get gifts anymore but the Christmas atmosphere alone makes me deliriously happy.

oh. speaking of music, i saw the music video of Green Day's Wake Me Up When September Ends. it's a sad video but i liked it, nevertheless. asteeg. naturally, i had to download the song.

while watching Rockstar INXS a week ago, i caught the African-American guy (sorry, i don't really watch the show like my sister) singing his version of Bob Marley's No Woman No Cry. asteeg! so i had to download the mp3 of it. heeh:)

hay. life. how would it be without music? :)

someday soon

i'm sick. hayy. it's so uncomfortable to be sick. this morning i couldn't even carry myself. when i arrived at 6.30 in the morning ahead of everyone else, i sat on the floor of the hallway & tried to sleep while seated. hehe. then i remembered that it's almost the "Ber" months once again & when the weather starts to get cooler... people rise from their deep slumber a little later. thus, more and more people tend to skip classes especially in the morning. i swear! it's proven! i made plans with apple to meet me at the GAB lobby to get a letter signed for the National Institutes of Health (thesis related) by Prof Betan but i was too sickly to go ahead. plus, it started raining too. so when i told my mother that i couldn't commute all the way to Q.C. because i felt groggy & tired, she said they'd pick me up instead.

i've been attending the mass-novena at the St. Jude parish for 5 weeks straight now on thursdays. i feel a certain kind of peace going to mass there. whether it's psychological or not, i still feel peaceful after each mass & novena. that's all that counts.
__________________

i read from Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens that it's good to be philosophical about life & to be sensitive to one's surrounding. by being sensitive to one's surrounding you tend to feel a strong connection with other people surrounding you. it make sense right? because you become less self-centered when you consider other people. being sympathetic towards people who have less won't satisfy you by thinking you have more. instead, you learn to reach out towards these people who have less & you start to feel compassion towards them. you live for others & for GOD instead of living for yourself alone.

another thing, if you have a bird's eye view of your problems & consider the bigger problems the world is going through (ex. poverty, political turmoil, racial injustices, etc.), you learn to cope with your own trials because you feel that it's a small problem to mope on. thus, you get more motivation to carry on the road. the journey i like to call a "pilgrimage" to the afterlife. the book said that we should not develop the attitude of considering the bigger problems just to make our problems go away. we should still face what's in front of us.

call me unrealistic or an illusionist... but i have high hopes for humanity.

one of my favorite songs...

Someday
(Eternal, Hunchback of Notre Dame soundtrack)

Someday when we are wiser
When the world's older
When we have learned
I pray someday we may yet live to live and maybe
Someday life will be fairer
need will be rarer and greed will not pay
God speed this bright millennium all is well
Let it come someday

Someday our fight will be won then
we'll stand in the sun then that bright afternoon
'Till then on days when the sun is gone
We'll hang on if we wish upon the moon

There are some days dark and bitter
Seems we haven't got a prayer
But a prayer for something better
Is the one thing we all share

Someday When we are wiser
when the world's older
when we have learned
I pray someday we may yet live to live and maybe

Someday life will be fairer
need will be rarer and greed will not pay
God speed this bright millennium all is well
Let it come someday

One day, someday soon...

i just feel helpless because i can't seem to find the energy & time to actually put my passion into ACTION along with juggling school work in senior year.

i know volunteerism requires MAKING TIME not FINDING TIME. i swear, i will MAKE TIME.

is it even right to feel that i carry the weight of the world for seeing that something is wrong & that i need to do something about it but i'm not doing anything? sigh

many times i've tried to let people see what is in my heart but everytime i start to let them see, i back out. but my sister sees through me & knows what my real passion is. there are just certain barriers that need consideration because the real world can be ugly sometimes.


The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr
_____________

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

another update while i still can

they say that life is all about taking risks & it requires you to jump. now the most important question is... should i jump?

totally unrelated: i hate it when i badly need to sleep but caffeine starts to kick in. i skipped boxing today because i figured i badly need to start working on my papers, copy notes, & do other school related things. if i went to the gym i'd surely come home tired & sleepy. there'd be no hope of getting things done. plus, i need to catch up on sleep. to REST is what i need but thanks to the strong iced coffee this morning from the caf before class, i was deprived of sleep.

speaking of coffee, i smelled of coffee too because Tal spilled coffee on my shirt. good thing by some miracle my shirt did not absorb the beads of coffee but i still smelled of it anyway.

i realized today how much i miss philosophizing every waking moment of my stupid little life. okay, that's just drama. i don't really think my life is stupid because i love it the way it is. i just hate stress & pressure & everything else in between.

to Anonymous: you've been posting a lot lately & it would have been flattering if you just posted once but calling me your "future wife" is anything but flattering. try "freaky". so i turned off the anonymous posting just to screen the comments.

must work now. bye!

yehey update!

i haven't been paying attention to the blog lately because i have no time. yes, Gail the Mad Blogger doesn't have time to BLOG. i can't even get up and switch on the computer just to check mails and whatever that needs to be checked or updated. internet life has been stagnant and i think it will stay that way for quite a while.

today after school i met up with my sister and mother at the mall. i took the Project 6 FX to SM North because that's where they were to pay bills & go to the bank. anyway... i got dropped off at the overpass. you know, one of those pink and blue MMDA footbridges that you can't help but be scared of. like for instance, this afternoon while i was walking along the bridge over EDSA i watched the cars swoosh by. not only cars but buses and trucks swooshed by too. i imagined myself falling from the footbridge (because only LORD knows how unsafe the bridge is) & being crushed to death and smashed to bits. it was scary, i tell you. i was so scared that i wanted to run all the way down the steps & to the entrance which would take me inside the mall. i have morbid thoughts like that once in a while and sometimes it isn't pretty at all.

then in the afternoon i went to Pasig's city proper again. i went to the barangay hall and met with the Barangay Captain. i, Gail Monique Limcumpao, declare that from now on I AM THE BIGGEST FAN OF PASIGUEñOS! why? because they're such hospitable people! everyone! it's amazing! if you've heard of the fact that Filipinos are known for their hospitality, the Pasigueños will prove that to you. people at the City Hall, the Barangay Hall, the public market... even passersby and traffic enforcers! so yes, today was fruitful and i'm so happy i was productive.

i forgot my film camera & digicam. so i used the phone instead because we're required to have a picture taken:

IDOL KO SI KAP!

the ride home was horrible because it rained heavily. think BIG FAT DROPLETS OF RAIN. i enjoyed looking out the window of the backseat & listening to it pour. it even lulled me to sleep. you see, i have a big fluffy pillow at the backseat all the time for rides home when i'm too tired to stay up on the way to Q.C. traffic jam was horrifying you wouldn't believe how long we were stuck somewhere in EDSA. but i slept through it all. HEHE. my sister and kuya john are enjoying my Pasig trips HAHA! seriously, they enjoy going to Pasig with me. two trips down, two more to go.

about the past weekend, it was sooopa fun because the freshies had their teambuilding. the juniors and seniors facilitated it. we spent the morning at NEDA building at school then moved to the Paco Park. it was my first time there and i love the place. it's a small park with crypts in the walls. er, i think my description of the place won't justify the beauty of the place (or at least i thought so). plus, the entrance is only 5 pesos! i stayed the whole day for the teambuilding and i enjoyed every single second of it because i had fun. plus, it was a great feeling welcoming the freshmen to OrgASM (Organization of Area Studies Majors). oh come on, don't be a baby and gasp at the name like that. :P

then on Sunday i had to wake up early because my family and i went on a road trip to Laguna then to Tagaytay. i had a great time! at Tagaytay we had lunch and my parents went to the market. it was a tiring day for all of us but the road trip was fun. i know where i got my i-love-roadtrips attitude. I GOT IT FROM MY PARENTS! we even dropped by Robinson's Place for Razon's Halo Halo because when my mother craves, SHE REALLY CRAVES! so yes, Sunday was Q.T. (Quality Time) for the family. hehe!

so yeah... i've been tired for the whole week. i don't know where get my energy. so now i'm going to do a bunch of school work because i've been putting it off for so long that i need to catch up on working on the revisal of my thesis proposal, notes in econ, & prof talampas's seminar paper. i'm also going to write prof karganilla's paper tonight on the Barangay Hall because tomorrow i'm going to go training for boxing again =) my mother's going to buy me my own pair of gloves because those that are lent at the gym stink!

signing off...

xoxo,

Gail

conference on World War 2 in the Philippines

the two day conference on World War II in the Philippines held at the UST Graduate School finished today. it was very interesting & overwhelming to listen to old people who were actually witnesses to the war. with them being emotional about their suffering, their friends who died, & the experiences of an internee during the worst war... it was an experience to remember. F. Sionil Jose was there too. my friends & i wanted to take a picture of him (because we're fans of his works!) but we got too shy to go up to him after he spoke today.

the conference ended before 5pm. i was really perky because i downed three cups of coffee for the whole day. my first cup was from home (my idea of "breakfast" next to Nesvita), the second cup was when Tal & i rushed to 7-11 at Dapitan in hopes of finding something to wake us up. the conference room was so cold & the dim lighting made us want to curl on the floor & hibernate. the last cup was from Cafe Dapits. my new-found coffee place/hang-out at Dapitan Street near UST where they serve the best iced Caffe Mocha (it's cheap too!). i stayed behind while the others left. Tal stayed with me because she was waiting for Allen too while i waited for my father who ran late because of a meeting. then Alej came & we hung out for one hour more after Tal & Allen left.

Mrs. Almosara (the director of the National Historical Institute) still recognized Van, Apple, & I after our Palawan trip with them (Dr. Boncan, Chairman Ocampo, Mrs. Belleza, & co.) last June. she even invited us for an October trip to Corregidor with discounts! WOW. she's a really nice lady. i must not forget to burn her a cd of our Palawan pictures because she's still waiting for them. yikes.

i have four papers to write right now. i power napped for a while because i was too tired but caffeine kicked in & i was tossing & turning in bed instead of resting.

okay bye! I've got work to do.

lesson for the day:

wherever Gail, Apple, Van, & Tal go... THEY MAKE FRIENDS! hahahaha!!!!

bibbo kids kami eh. it's either that or we really have no shame making friends with strangers (er, not the creepy ones who roam the streets, of course!).

lastly....

belated happy birthday to my childhood best friend in myanmar... ESTHER!!!!

i miss you!

i feel good

i feel good now! i feel better! HAHA! enough drama because life is too good to sweat the small stuff.

i feel good because...

1. i went boxing!!!! the boxing gym is super cool! we started training at 8.30pm & ended at 10. it's somewhere in greenhills & you get to have a personal trainer. my muscles hurt & i sweated like a pig but i feel soooooo good & it was super fun! i want my own gloves! WAHH!!! from now on... my sister, kuya john, & i will do boxing work outs at the gym twice a week. i now know the basics, did a lot of excercises, combinations, push ups, etc. HAHA! but it was FUN! there's something to look forward to twice a week. working out makes me feel good!

2. went to Mutya ng Pasig Market (NAKS! the name!) & observed. people were so hospitable that i think they're so cool! i interviewed storekeepers too & took pictures HAHA!

3. volunteered for Gawad Kalinga. i went to the website & looked for a contact within my area. i got replies from my text. i'll see where i'm going to go from here.

YEY!!! life is good!!!

then tomorrow until friday i'm going to a seminar at UST. both days from 8am-5pm. but it's going to be interetsing.

see? how could you not love life when there's so much to do & so many things to appreciate?

in a rut

i just finished a cup of strawberry yogurt. i want one more. rawr.

it has been raining almost everyday lately. especially last friday when the cold wind blew along with drops of rain. i don't mind having bad weather as long as my feet remain mudfree & dry. van & i proved how convenient it is to wear trainers on a rainy day. we were walking outside Robinson's Place when we were animatedly engaged in a conversation. too enthusiastically into the conversation that we failed to notice the deep puddle in front of us. SPLASSSSSH!!!! our feet went. when we looked down... we just laughed about it. our trainers saved us from mishap. HAHA! our jeans got wet, though.

i don't know if people noticed but i can't seem to write these days. or i think it has been a month. kind of scares me because i remember the same happening to my mentors: Sylvia Plath & Elizabeth Wurtzel prior to plunging into depression. only, i'm no poet or a brilliant writer like the two.

i get easily pissed off lately. like i can bite anyone's head off the moment he/she says something wrong or hurtful. i don't know if i'm still in my right mind. i'm just grumpy these days that's all. i feel it slowly eating away my optimism.

i also hate the way the world can be so judgemental like they know every single piece of your being & of your mind. i hate how people like to stereotype people & base what kind of person a person is by irrelevant things. i just hate the world these days.

and sometimes i wish people would just leave me alone so i can have enough space to wallow in self-pity & let me wear this emotion that is eating my happiness away.

must. get out. must. feel. better.

random things

congratulate me! the other day i deleted my inbox of 3000+ emails! YEY!! HAHA! i've been wanting to clean my inbox since forever but i kept being lazy. i'd procrastinate & procrastinate until i finally got around emptying the inbox. yahoo!

lately i've been feeling more & more grateful that my friends & i found each other. i've had my craziest most belly-aching moments with them from laughing so hard until my face hurt.

I LOVE YOU FRIENDS!!!

apol, van, me, & mitchie minus the others. you know who you are!


mitchie & i @ oody's.


tal, matt, mitch, & apol.




alla on my bed.


counting yellow cars.


stormy saturday afternoon.


my mother & a pair of hot Oakley shades. HAHAHA! HOT MAMA! p.s. they're not her's. they're my sister's.

now... a survey from Ina! i got tagged!

Seven things that scare you
1. barking dogs
2. rodents
3. thunder & lightning
4. plane crash
5. heights
6. falling in love ( what is love? *scratches head*)
7. dying a slow & painful death

Seven things that you like the most
1. my laptop
2. my books
3. my green ipod mini that i named Peewee
4. summer vacations
5. CHRISTMAS!
6. road trips
7. small/big miracles

Seven important things in your room
1. the book shelf (including the books)!
2. the tv
3. closet
4. old pictures
5. my life's scrapbook
6. my favorite blanket (a white comforter)
7. a chestful of bags

Seven random facts about you
1. strong perfumes give me migraines so i only use Ralph by Ralph Lauren, Spirit of Moonflower by The Body Shop, or Johnson's Baby Cologne Regular.
2. i don't like to write about some personal things (meaning... my non-existent love life) in this blog.
3. i was accident prone as a kid because i was like a little boy. i've had countless knee abrasions, lacerations, stitches on my right elbow, a dead fingernail, & a very bad swing accident that made my head bang on the metal things. it bled & bled unti a part of my shirt was soaked with blood.
4. i liked to fight with boys as a girl. i took the boys vs. girls thing very seriously as a child. i even beat up my guy classmates in class. yes, they hated me to pieces for that. (to my friends: old habits die hard, don't they?)
5. i fell in love with New York since my first visit as a 6 year old.
6. i'm a Pandora's Box waiting to be openned.
7. i'm allergic to alcohol ( i get really red all over & can't breathe properly ) but i still drink occasionally. i don't like beer, though. tequila rocks :)

Seven things you plan to do before you die
1. backpacking all over Europe with just enough clothes, money, a cellphone, & my Schengen visa!!!
2. write a book. i want to write a story book for kids too!
3. go on a safari to wild Africa
4. change lives
5. make people happy
6. ride a very very very scary rollercoaster!
7. sign up for a theater acting workshop. really!!!! just to conquer my stage fright.

Seven things you can do
1. i can play the piano (studied for 8 years)
2. i can talk with an Indian accent
3. i can cross my eyes like crazy
4. i can cook
5. i can bake oatmeal choco chip cookies & brownies
6. i can read a whole book in a few hours (or one day...)
7. i can be the biggest loser clown & corniest joker EVER.

Seven things you can't do
1. i can't NOT write about my thoughts
2. i can't NOT talk even for just a few minutes. really.
3. i can't NOT smile even if i feel rotten inside. my sunny side doesn't take days-off.
4. i can't stand the sight of chilli after being made to eat four pieces of red chilli last year. it made me cry.
5. i can't NOT cry over small things because i'm shallow like that.
6. i can't NOT laugh all the time because i'm easily amused that way.

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex
1. hygiene
2. eyes
3. sense of humor
4. knows how to have fun
5. gets along with my friends & family
6. smile
7. shares the same interests as i have

Seven celeb crushes
1. Chris Martin
2. Denzel Washington
3. Will Smith
4. the hot gardener from Desperate Housewives
5. Tom Hanks
6. Kevin Costner
7. ---

Seven people you want to see take this quiz
1. Tal
2. Renjie
3. Liane
4. Daivy
5. Jane
6. Jern
7. Mina

your browser is gonna dieee!!!!

graduation pictorial the other day. i had a blast! laugh trip with my school friends! HAHAHA!!!

allow me to kill your browsers...

credits: digicam photos care of matt & tal. blurry photos care of my camerphone because i forgot my camera.

van, me, tal, & apol with papa paolo!!! :)


the girls of P.G. with Jules :)


me, van, & tal with a very cartoonish (because of the glasses!) version of paolo!!!!


lets get sillyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!! tal, van, me, & apol

from the cameraphone....

mitchie, me, & van. angry little nerds. HAHAHA!


pao & hot sexy chicks (HAHAHA!!!!) tal & gail.


pao & i


for my creative shot i was a cowgirl with a leather jacket & a cow girl hat! NYAHAHA!!!


tal & i


pao & i agaiiiin!


ang cute ni noveeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!


van, me, apol, & tal. where's mitchie?!
i lab my girlprens!!!


mitchie & i :)

oh yes! we had lots of fun!!!

angst. angst. angst.

i have stood here before inside the pouring rain with my head turning circles going round my brain,
i guess i was hoping that you'd end this reign but it's my destiny to be the queen of pain. king of pain, alanis morisette

i have always believed that everyday is a challenge to be the best i can. i believe in it so much that i no longer remember if i cooked the thought up inside my own sick little head or if it was a quote by someone that stuck (if you've already heard of that line, please enlighten me or else i'll give myself credit. hehe). either way, i still believe in it.

but what if the best i can do is still not enough? do i stay in the dark and wallow in misery? do i contemplate on the "what-ifs" & the "what-might-have-beens"? or do i curse the world & everyone around me because things didn't go my way? i wish i could just cut my head off & stop thinking for a while. i wish what people are saying is true... that i think too much, that i don't have to worry about things that are yet to come... that life is about seizing every moment i've got because i can't be so sure i'd be here tomorrow. i think the worst thing in life is thinking that you've been doing okay & then you stop, look around you, & feel that you don't measure up. even worse, you realize that you don't measure up when you think you've been great all along. it's the worst kind of self-destruction, i tell you.

but i don't want people (especially those who hate me) to gloat on my downfall. in a way... it's a liberating feeling to let people know that i don't always do the right things all the time or that i'm not perfect in any way. i just wish i could get rid of the feeling that i need to live up to other people's expectations. of course, i want to yell at them for being judgemental. who are they to say what i can or what i can't do? "I am my own boss" said Demi Moore's character in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. well, yes! I AM MY OWN BOSS and there's no way i will let people make me feel like i'm so small. erm, figuratively because vertically, i am small. hehe.

there's too much angst right now. sorry. i'm pathetic. no wait. i shouldn't even apologize for being true to myself. hrmf!

i'm twenty now... i should know better than to put down my sword in the middle of a battle.

sunday

to the people who greeted me a happy birthday: (refer to previous post, also to the ones who messaged me through my Friendster account, my Livejournal, through e-cards, & through text message)

THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!!!!

i was surprised that a lot of people greeted. it made me feel really special! =) some old friends remembered too as well as friends who lost touch. that was more than enough to make my birthday really stellar. thank you, REALLY.

to Dei, thank you so much for the text message, the post on your LJ, & the comment on the previous post. wow! you greeted me thrice!!

to esther, thanks for the e-card! hope to see you soon!

to jern, my birthday twin... i'll never forget your birthday for as long as i live because we were born on the same day! HAHA! imagine that! i texted you twice on the eve of our birthay but i think i have your old numbers.

to the rest (you guys are A LOT!)... thank you thank you thank you! MWWWWAH!

_______________

i had a bad case of mood swing today but i tried my best not to affect other people with my bad mood. it was so hard to smile but smile i did. i wish i knew what was wrong so i could blame it on that. but NO. it was just a bad case of mood swing.

i had dinner with my family at Mr. Choi's Kitchen at Galle. i wanted to eat at Oody's but they already settled for Mr. Choi. i couldn't eat Chinese food again after eating at Ta Yann with my friends the past friday. but the food wasn't so bad. my sister & i went to Terranova afterwards. i've sworn off pastel & all i want these days are green, orange, & yellow. there's a citrus thing going on tsk.. tsk. people seem to notice that too! during my birthday, i got:

1. a green (the right shade!) Ba-yo jacket from my sister & kuya john plus green & white bracelets (3 pcs)
2. a pair of rainbow colored star hair clip apple let me pick
3. a pair of turqoise (another favorite color!) clay beaded bracelet from van (she let me pick)
4. a peridot (my birthstone which is consequently green too!) necklace with a cross pendant, a pair of earrings, & a ring
5. a bouquet of peach roses & a teddy bear from someone

green rocks my world these days :)

anyway, the best way to cure a mood swing is to go to a mall-- window shop, buy stuff, or just walk around & refresh the mind! that'll work. i know it always does for me. either a huge weight gets lifted off my shoulders or i leave the mall with worse mood because i couldn't buy the thing i want to get.

anyway... random peekchurs of the week. forgive the grainy resolution. they came from my phone.

this is my cousin =)


these are my friends (the bestest!) apple & mitchie


this is my peekchur with funny smile :P HAHAHA! with tal the shopaholic


this is tal & i again


another peekchur from van's bday treat


gab's birthday peekchurs

birthday boi


gab's scared of tita Gail


gab's supacute pirate guests HAHA!

i bought a book from Booksale before my birthday. it's called Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts. i don't know why i keep picking books that i think i like & then lateron find out from the flap that it's an Oprah's Book Club book. my sister said it only means one thing... Oprah & i have the same taste in books! HAHAHA!!! plus, my mother gave me a hardbound copy of a John Grisham book. hrmm... i must read stuff for school first.

must go to bed now.

today is gone but tomorrow will be okay
oh with another day...

today is my big fat 20th birthday

Today I turn twenty. When I think of how my life has been, I am more than grateful for being here & for having the people around me. I remember Ina talking about the activity in Psychology class. The question: If you were to face your child self, what would you tell her?

I was dumbfounded upon hearing the question, of course. What would I actually say to my little girl self? I think I'd even cry buckets while talking to her. But I'd probably assure her that she's going to be fine. There will be tough times but she's going to be strong & things will work out just even if it's not exactly the way she would want it. People are going to test her patience in struggling through life but she's going to learn to believe in herself. She's going to be pleased because she's going to realize how strong she really is. I'd also tell her that life is going to be fun. not perfect but imperfectly perfect; that she's going to be optimistic about things no matter how heavy the rain will pour.

I've been emotionally stressed lately about school. The other day while I was waiting for someone to pick me up, I went to the bookstore to browse booksthe best way to kill time. I was over at the psychology-self help shelf when Elizabeth Wurtzel caught my eye. I love her to pieces especially after watching Prozac Nation (a movie based on the autobiography she wrote) and the book is called The Secret of Life. I picked up and scanned the pages. What I loved about it is that it's not your ordinary psychology-self help book because it's not preachy. If you have a background on Elizabeth Wurtzel... you'll know that she'd know more about these things because she had been there--- that stage in your life when one wrong thing could push you over the edge & the point when you think no one understands you but you, yourself, alone. There was this quote there from American beauty:

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday. -Lester Burnham

i remember Angela Chase from My So-Called Life saying:

Sometimes someone says something really small & it fits perfectly in that empty hole inside your heart.

in this case, it's highly applicable to the former quote.

i'm going back to get the Wurtzel book. i love her the way i love Sylvia Plath.

i can't say being 20 is different. i've only been 20 for hours. besides, age is just numbers that count years (hopefully, years of wisdom gained & life lived rather than life lost). may i be wiser, stronger, & more bold to face life's challenges. as van said after i complained that i'm miserable for worrying too much, "what you're going through isn't even half of what we have to face in life." that was a slap on the face for me.

big fat 20, bring it on.

close call

graduation pictorial on monday & i still don't have a creative shot. maybe i'll pose as Hermione? HAHA! or Emily the Strange. i've been looking for a wig like Emily's hair but wigs cost way too much for just one time use.

my friends & i had lunch at Oody's. i love their Pad Thai! i was craving for it for dinner. my mother makes Pad Thai & thinking about her cooking Thai food makes me miss her Som Tum (Papaya Salad), fish cakes, & crispy fish with mango salad! she had a lot of Thai friends in Myanmar & they taught each other how to cook. she was with the ASEAN Ladies Association (or something like that) & they used to hold tea parties, bazaars, & cooking lessons. i remember how i used to love it when she came home from one of those cooking sessions. she would bring home different kinds of food-- Malaysian, Indonesian, Burmese, Thai, etc. enough about food.

i'm not used to not doing anything anymore. like now. i know i should be somehow working on my 4000 word seminar paper but i lack sources. so tomorrow apple & i are going to the Main Library at diliman in hopes of getting research done. i've been too busy that blogging has been at the back of my mind. i don't even have time to think about things i WANT to think about because lately, i've been only thinking about things that i NEED to think about. get it?

during the exam today for professor Mateo, i fell asleep for a few minutes. imagine that? how horrifying! i even dreamt that some girl at the back row got my blue book & copied my answers. then when i finally snapped out of it i realized that i was in the middle of taking an exam! plus, i got only 2 pages of what was supposed to be 3 pages of the exam. so when i finished early... apple & the rest were talking about the exam & i kept wondering why i didn't come across those questions. before they told the answers, i was already in panic mode. it took me a few seconds until i finally realized that i only had two pages instead of three pages of the long exam & that i completely wasn't able to answer the rest of the multiple choice questions! so i went back to professor mateo & she checked my questionaire & true enough! there were only two pages!!! no wonder i was surprised to see that there were only 5 multiple choice questions! so i went back to my seat & answered the part that i missed. phew! close call!

now i'm really sleepy. i'll go ahead & hop under the covers because i only had little hours of sleep last night & i had whole day classes today.

what doesn't kill me makes me stronger (credit goes to the person who first said that)

i'm currently taking a break from working on my thesis proposal due tomorrow. 7am. first period. amidala fell asleep under the table where i'm working. she fell asleep beside my feet (no, not because my feet stink!). she's still under the table fast asleep. i, myself, want to crawl all the way upstairs to my bed and hibernate. too bad that's only wishful thinking.

looks like i won't be getting any rest until this week is finally over. i have another long exam for prof mateo's class on wednesday and it's for History of Southeast Asia. if you're thinking that i'm in senior year, why still study History... well, it's because it's our major. history is always present in every semester. it's okay. all of us love history anyhow. except for the number of names, places, etc. that you have to memorize. it will really make your head spin or during exam time, you'll suffer from a very bad case of mental block. so yes, tomorrow it's another all nighter for us. come wednesday, i bet we'll all be lifeless as zombies walking in a trancelike manner.

i was supposed to go to the main library at the Diliman campus today but that got cancelled after school because something came up. so i went grocery shopping with my sister & mother instead. i don't know what went into my head because the hours i was at the supermarket could have been spent resting or working on my thesis proposal. i guess i was just desperate to take my mind off school for a few hours. i think the mocha freeze i got from Dunkin Donuts helped me stay awake. then it had to rain heavily when it was time to go home. it actually flooded in some parts of metro manila! from what i heard from the news, there's going to be more rain the coming days with thunderstorms. how scary! i hate thunder. it freaks me out.

oh! it was Gab's first birthday yesterday at Jollibee! it was so much fun! i love children's party! i hate mascots because i'm petrified of them but the Jollibee mascot yesterday was too cute especially when he danced! HAHA! i'll post pictures soon.

so much for my break. i should get back to work now. it's almost midnight. not yet done. i wonder if i'll ge to sleep tonight. hayyy.