my poor attempt to procrastinate--blogging!

I'm trying to be fit again. Played badminton with two of my friends from school this morning. I woke up at 8AM and still managed to be late for our 10AM call time. The court is nearby my place, a five minute drive. When I got there 30 minutes late, my two friends already warmed up. I had to do stretching alone. I even forgot how to do stretching! To think that it's basic. Ughh. But it felt real good to be active physically again. Sweated like a pig. Aside from moving around a lot while playing, the court was also really hot. Ughhh but it was fun! I want to play again. Two hours went by so fast, we should've gone at 11AM because unlimited rental of the courts starts then.

I had lunch and "napped" right away. My "nap" turned out to be a really long one because it was physical exhaustion induced. Ugh I had such a hard time dragging myself off my bed. I had a headache afterwards so I took a paracetamol and fell back to sleep again to nurse my head. I'm groggy now for sleeping the whole day but it felt good to rest like that on my day off from school. Classes again tomorrow and an exam.

On a lighter note, my Speck orange crystal case came yesterday! FINALLY! :) I love it. I wanted the apple green one because green is my favorite color but it was already out of stock. My next favorite color is orange so orange it is!

Meet my orange Macbook!

I think I'm going to read a little now. I've been stalling for hours because I'm still groggy. Kbye!

chocolate, butter cream, carrot cake, etc.

chocolate, butter cream, carrot cake, etc., originally uploaded by shutterbug-gail.

another cupcake photo. i love cupcakes they're so pleasant looking. that's why i want to learn how to make cupcakes with fancy frosting so i can make people happy too. <3

no day is a bad day as long as you have "happy cakes"

guess where the missing cupcake is., originally uploaded by shutterbug-gail.

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had the past two weeks! We finally saw Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen with my sister and my bro-in-law. True to their word, they waited for me to get better so we could watch it together all four of us. We were supposed to catch it on iMax at Mall of Asia but when my sis and bro-in-law were about to pay, the attendant told them that it wasn't in 3D. So we settled for watching it at Eastwood instead because it's not going to be worth it on iMax, much to our disappointment. The evening consisted of a long trip to Alabang then Libis where we finally got to try Regrub at ClubSixFifty beside Shopwise. They have yummy burgers! And much to my delight I saw Blushing Cupcakes. My sister, being pregnant, gladly joined me inside to pick out cupcakes. I haven't seen her in several days that's why I was surprised to see that her baby bump is becoming bigger and bigger. We moved to Eastwood after dinner where they boys had Red Mango while my sister and I shopped. It was short but it was still fun. 

I love Eastwood because it's a small place with happy looking people. Especially now that the "city" has become bigger and the new mall has a lot of new stores now. I'll always love Eastwood. Their movie theaters are my favorite too because it's small. I hate big crowds. Last night was such a treat after getting sick for so long. It was a sort of celebration for my emancipation. Hah! Told you I'm back! Had to drag myself to class this 8AM in the morning too after NO SLEEP thanks to my Cafe Mocha with three pumps mint. I missed it! I missed coffee. Haven't had a cup since I got sick. So having NO SLEEP and having classes til 5PM was pure torture for me. I thought I'd doze off on the floor any second!

Anyway, it's such a lovely evening today. The air is cool and my toes are cold from the breeze my fan is blowing. I decided to open the windows to let fresh air in and right now I'm enjoying the weather.

I had a bad day again maybe because I was tired and the day didn't go out as well as I thought. The series of bad days just keep on coming but I've already finished sulking and feeling gloomy. I think I practiced what Morrie explained to Mitch in "Tuesdays with Morrie". It's about wearing all these negative thoughts/sadness like a tshirt, allowing yourself to be drenched by it and embrace all the gloominess but after a while, you take the shirt off and do away with it. You've already allowed for all the negative energy to set in, you've absorbed it all, so there's no reason to continue wearing the negative vibes. THROW IT AWAY. That's how the idea goes, anyway. I think it's therapeutic when you healthily think about things that bother you because after a while when you allow yourself to understand the situation you begin to feel okay about it and then it doesn't bother you as much anymore.

Life is like that, a series of ups and downs. Who am I to be exempted from the downside right? I seriously feel better now especially now that I remember that I have cupcakes from Blushing Cupcakes waiting patiently for me in the fridge to make me 100% better.

Who cares about bad days? I HAVE FROSTED CUPCAKES! And the world is a happy place again.

Life, I'm So Ready For You Again

In light of the very heavy emo post below, here are photos to prove that I've fully recovered from being sick (well, except for my cough but it's getting better too)...I'M OKAY! I just need the doc's clearance so that I can finally go back to school. It's taking forever to be processed.

nothing can bring me down, i can only learn to rise above

I had a bad day today, one that tops all the the days of my life. Perhaps it is more appropriate to say that the past 12 days have been really bad for me. You see, I got sick. I got forced to rely on other people to take care of me and do things that I should do but could not because I was confined to stay at home and to bed rest. It was the worst feeling in the world to be stripped off of all your strength to do the things you want to do (like attend classes) yet you have no choice because you have to get better healthwise.

I cried a couple of nights feeling lonely and my body was just whacked out sick. I felt sorry for myself for being in such a pitiful state and that I was going to be unproductive for days. I asked God "WHY ME?" and cursed myself for being the center of a storm everytime as if I'm a walking disaster that could go off any minute. I've been getting ill for different reasons and I couldn't accept how fragile I am and how helpless I am to stay healthy with massive efforts that I've been pouring. I thought I was strong enough to get through it all and I questioned my credibility to do the things I want to do. I thought that maybe I'm not cut out for life, that maybe I'm a "factory defect" of some sort. I also worried about how much of a burden I was to my family, friends, and my boyfriend. Especially my family and my boyfriend. He took care of me the whole time I was sick and he did things that I needed to be done like groceries and other errands. It was extremely hard for me to rely on people and impose a heavy burden on them by worrying about me endlessly even if I tell them not to. My parents are out of the country and the whole time they were so worried about my well-being that it broke my heart every single day I spoke or texted them. My sister who is pregnant also worried about me. I guess I'm very lucky in that departmen-- of being loved by so many but again, I feel helpless. I wish I could not let people worry about me all the time and I wish I could do things for me if only I didn't get sick a lot. But like any other bad days of my life, there was still that ray of hope that tells me that everything happens for a reason and that I'm going to pull myself through even stronger than before and life would resturn back to normal.

Today I found out that I might miss two more classes. I already missed three classes and two quizzes. I already cried after finding out that I might miss two more. I stressed myself over thinking about how I'd be able to catch up and whether I would be given make up quizzes. You see, it's not just about the missed classes. Maybe the whole 12 days I got sick it's all coming to burn me out now. I'm so burned out from being helpless for 12 days. I just want my life to be normal again. I want to stop worrying about school and how I would catch up. I want to start living life again without worrying about being a burden to people.

I guess the lesson after all this is that I need to continue to stay strong. I can't let this bring me down because what happened to me was inevitable. I wouldn't know how to prevent getting sick like that. I try to be healthy, I really do. I've come to accept that maybe God has a better plan for me even if the true intent of what's happening isn't clear to me for now. I realize that I am irrational at my fragile state because I panic at the thought of not being in control of things. I am not in control anymore. I'm giving it up to God. I need to thank my family, my friends, and most especially Alej for taking care of me during this whole mess.

From this day on I will promise myself to not fall apart like I did today because I should be stronger after all this, not weaker in spirit. I know I'm in good hands and I should accept things that I cannot change because life happens and it's up to us how to take it. I'm not saying that I'm instantly better now. Maybe it is a process that takes time to reap before finally harvesting its fruits. I just need to stay strong physically and emotionally.

I was surfing blogs until I came across this:

DON'T DOUBT IT

It is a matter especially of cultivating this courage and this fearlessness in the inmost depth of the mental life. The disciple must learn never to despair. He must be equal to the thought - "I will forget that I have again failed in this matter. I will try once more as though nothing at all has happened."

Thus he will fight his way on to the firm conviction that the Universe contains an inexhaustible fountain of strength from which he may drink. He must aspire again and again to the Divine, which will uplift and support him, however feeble and impotent the mortal part of his being may prove. He must be capable of pressing on towards the future, undismayed by experiences of the past.

--Rudolf Steiner

After this storm is over I am getting on my feet again and I will fight my way to this world, gather strength from the Universe and drink it like what Mr. Steiner said. Nothing can bring me down, I can only learn to rise above.

viva la boheme

Viva La Boheme!

I love this template. So ME! I swear I'm going to study the new HTML language Blogger templates have because my so-called knowledge in my designing templates is primitive and Blogger updated their design language years ago. I don't know why I stopped being creative/productive but I'm quite determined to learn how again. For now, free premade templates will do.

Anyway, it's raining outside heavily and claps of thunder appeared out of nowhere. It was really scary. It calmed a little now although it's still raining outside. I wonder why my DSL connection is better now than before when a little rain would disconnect my DSL. Maybe they did an upgrade or something.

Hey, it's July! My birthday is next month. I'm psyched. I'm thinking of what I'd want to do for my birthday. I still want that mafia-themed party I think it's going to be really cool.

Gotta go. Write more soon!