what is real?

what is your definition of real and how do you distinguish what is real from what is not?

re al1
adj.
1. Being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verifiable existence: real objects; a real illness.
2. True and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal: real people, not ghosts; a film based on real life.
3. Of or founded on practical matters and concerns: a recent graduate experiencing the real world for the first time.
2. Genuine and authentic; not artificial or spurious: real mink; real humility.
3. Being no less than what is stated; worthy of the name: a real friend.
4. Free of pretense, falsehood, or affectation: tourists hoping for a real experience on the guided tour.
5. Not to be taken lightly; serious: in real trouble.
6. Philosophy. Existing objectively in the world regardless of subjectivity or conventions of thought or language.
7. Relating to, being, or having value reckoned by actual purchasing power: real income; real growth.
8. Physics. Of, relating to, or being an image formed by light rays that converge in space.
9. Mathematics. Of, relating to, or being a real number.
10. Law. Of or relating to stationary or fixed property, such as buildings or land.

see? even the dictionary has several definitions of "real"!

"real" is a vague word and people have different definitions on what is real and was is not. being the math hater that i am, i still think the field of mathematics is luckier because it is much easier to define numbers that are "real". don't you agree? they give concrete answers. numbers. EXACT answers.

isn't it scary that everyday there are people who take that great leap of their lives into the dark, murky, water of uncertainty? who knows what's beneath the surface? who knows if they'd come back alive? who knows if the jump is really worth it or not? is it always going to be sink or swim? i hate being clueless. i hate making that jump because, for the life of me, i do not know how to swim (save for plunging into the water not less than 5ft or just backfloating for as long as i can).

most people i know would tell me that life is always unpredictable and that life's answers to our questions are not meant to be answered. they are going to present themselves in their own way or perhaps will never present themselves at all. and sometimes these questions are meant to be answered by finding out for yourself in a harsh way-- no one promised us that we won't get through life unscathed anyhow.

life is not to be questioned but to be lived. and risks are a part of that package deal we have with God when He blew the breath of life into us.

but all these things mean nothing when i ask "what is real from the unreal?" again. whether i like it or not, i might as well just hang on for dear life, enjoy the ride, and find out for myself. afterall, experience is the best teacher and i just might learn for this experience.

(and just trying to figure out what is real from was it not will just give me a headache).

i'm feeling blah today. must be the weather.

i'm a drug dependent person. i have frequent and very bad migraine attacks. unfortunately, migraine does not have a cure at all. only painkillers and preventive drugs (like Sibelium and Ava Migran) help to ease the pain or avoid it all together. i take painkillers almost on a regular basis because i cannot just let migraine make me cringe in pain. so when i received a text message from a friend (who work's in the medical field) regarding Ibuprofen and its effect of increasing heart-related problems such as stroke and heart attack, i didn't believe it. but lo and behold! The Nation says so too! It says there that Ibuprofen is effective and safe ONLY if taken in SMALL DOSES in a short period of time. does this mean i'm going to die of heart attack or stroke? so yeah, just a friendly reminder: DO NOT DEPEND ON IBUPROFEN OR PAINKILLERS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. i'm going to take my advice too.

my favorite medication is Tylenol PM because it knocks me out to sleep in 30 minutes! most adults use it (like my aunt!) to induce sleep when she's too stressed to sleep after work. i think she just turned me into a Tylenol PM addict. kidding, of course. :P

it's also going to be a busy rainy season this year: Forecasters Predict Active Hurricane Season. lets pray that our country won't suffer from more mudslides, flooding, and other casualities the rainy season usually bring.

my ipod mini may be sick too. even if i charge it for more than 3 hours the battery keeps charging and charging and never gets full. purrrrfect. *whacks ipod mini*.

i spent the afternoon watching tv. i caught One Tree Hill and somewhere during the ending of the episode Lucas voiced-over my favorite poem!

Invictus
by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

panalo!

totally unrelated and random: it amazes me how one could loathe the other for acting in a certain way yet acts exactly the same way himself.

thank you, tricia

Patricia tagged a comment on the entry below about the layout design. Thank you. I don't know your email so I'll just post it here. Of course, you're still welcome to come back as much as you like.

"O be very sure That no man will learn anything at all, Unless he
first will learn humility."
- Lord Lytton

Hey, Gail.

I'm really sorry for following the layout of your blog. I really have no idea on how to format my own layout, and I thought it wouldn't hurt if I just base mine on someone's template codes and then change everything. But then I got so excited that I followed your own concept as well. I'm so sorry. I realized that's where I really got wrong. I really admire your stuff, but still, yeah, I still should’ve come up with my own, right? I know nothing could justify to anything I've done. Don't worry, for the meantime, I deleted my blog already. I'm gonna work on my own template... and I'm gonna dedicate it to you once it's up already. Besides that, I hope I can still make it up to you.

I hope you won't get mad at me forever. I really admire you, you know. I'm a regular visitor of your blog, and I love who you are based on your entries. I hope you won't ban me from looking at your site, though? I think you've got a fan!

NO STICKY PAWS ANYMORE, I promise.

I hope you forgive me.

Lesson learned,
Tricia

my response to you, tricia:

Tricia,

aww tricia! i'm so glad you came forward and admitted you were wrong. i'm not a horrible person to keep secret whatever codes i use. i'm no professional in web design. heck, i don't even know how to make webpages in Macromedia Dreamweaver! i only use Microsoft Frontpage and although everyone could attest to how crappy it is, it's still a matter of making the most out of a crappy webpage designer. in time, i will learn Dreamweaver.

same goes to you, Tricia. if you're into graphic design/webpage design as much as i am, there are a lot of resources out there. you can also ask me how stuff work around HTML, you know? i promise i will help the best way i can. i'll even give you links to sites that i've been to who offer great and easy-to-understand tutorials.

no, i'm not banning you from my blog. it's open to everyone and I'm glad GOD blessed your heart with humility to come straightforward and admit your mistake. thank you so much, it means a lot to me. you can continue to come back as much as you like and you can even make my designs as inspiration (just not duplicate it).

thank you again for your humility. GOD bless you and i'm sure you have creative juices inside your head, put it into good use and i'm sure you'll come up with wonderful creations.

thanks for the rubber ducky. it really made me smile.

Sincerely,

Gail

THIS BLOG IS COPYRIGHTED! CAN'T YOU READ?

http://patriciya.blogspot.com/

WTF!!!! now this pisses me off!!!


she totally ripped my lay-out off!!!

look at the line-height of the links! it's the same!
the make poverty history and stop the hate website bands!

EVERYTHING!!!!

the nerve!!!

to YOU, there's a tracker called SITEMETER, in case you're wondering how you got caught. intellectual property theft. copyright infringement. do those ring a bell?!

the fortune cookie

my fortune cookie says:

"A good intention that is not put into good action will not achieve any good deed."

how timely and appropriate! the other day i was exchanging emails with my former thesis adviser/professor. he thinks my thesis may be made into a program for seafarers to fight HIV/AIDS and its prevalence among them. this is not to say that they are the ones who constitute a major proportion of people living with HIV/AIDS, it just means that because of their working environment they are more susceptible/vulnerable to the virus. the government does not have a specific program targeting seafarers and since they are "the new heroes" that make up the majority of Overseas Filipino Workers, it is but proper to give them sufficient protection aside from just legal and occupational health.

i hope this pushes through because according the former seaman that i interviewed who is now living with HIV, the honorarium they will receive form talking at educational symposiums or seminars will help them financially. as we all know, once a person is diagnosed as HIV positive... they lose their jobs. the cost of maintaining good health of an HIV positive is high especially if they have families to make a living for. so it is hard. he said i can help and even took my number and gave me his just so i could contact him for any progress about the program. i am keeping my fingers crossed. i am to meet up with my professor next week.

my sunday was quite eventful and happy because it's Mother's Day!!! happy mother's day to all your moms and let them know they're the best people in the world.

toodles!

click! click! click!

click! click! click!
Originally uploaded by featherbed.

this is hilarious. i think people are getting too caught up with everything gone cyber! i think someday human relations/interactions won't be as intimate as it is today-- face to face conversation, meetings, etc. soon it's all going to be broadcasted via a cameraphone, videophone, or through live streaming video.

examples?

- my former professor got her doctorate degree from the University of Hawaii via internet through video streaming. she wasn't able to attend her graduation personally because the U.S. Embassy denied her a visa despite her pleading that she was only going to go to Hawaii for her degree.

- banking transaction via Internet (which is apparently dangerous because cyber criminals lurk the internet, fake the identification of banks, and collect usernames and passwords from users).

- the new 3G (3rd generation) technology from cellular phone network providers. you know... communicating via video using your cellular phone that's capable of the technology?

- then there's text messaging. instead of calling a person to discuss matters that are only proper to be discussed via voice call, communication is done through texting.

- i watched a documentary from the Animal Planet how the Japanese take care of their dogs. there was this scientist who once couldn't afford to take in puppies because of his long working hours. so he bought a feeding machine. everyday before going to work, he fills the feeding machine, leaves the t.v. on for his puppies, and then leave for work. when he gets to work, he is able to feed and watch his puppies via internet because the feeding machine has a video camera that is controlled via internet by the pet owner. isn't that awesome?

- also in Japan, according to the documentary, there's this dog hotel where owners can leave their pets there and monitor the dog via cameraphone through internet or from personal computers connected to the internet. they can actually watch their pets even if they are far away from them-- anytime and anywhere!

well yeah, technology and its new advancements have made life easier and our activities more convenient and the pace faster. but too much of it can be a disadvantage especially if you are still one of those people who value human relations. the human touch. the "old school" way.

someday our world will be run by technology-- computers, robots, machines. manpower will be reduced. i wonder what kind of jobs people will have then? probably no more social scientists, that's for sure. who would want to study society and people if the world is dominated by technology?

this is not to conclude that technology will break human beings. of course, it is a matter of moderation and erm, proper management, i guess? as long as humans won't lose to technology, i guess it's okay to develop new ideas and new technology as long as it will make life easier.

i don't know if i should look forward to a world like the one portrayed in I, Robot and Bicentennial Man. lets just wish that Hollywood just exaggerated the future for us and that the future has no resemblance to what we see in futuristic movies.

quoting a line from When Disaster Strikes on AXN:

"it is only a matter of time that humans will have to pay for their high cost of living. "

and oooh! look who's talking! from the person who is supposedly tech savvy, i should say that i am a walking contradiction to myself.

bawal magkasakit!

since summer started, i always have the icky and sweaty feeling during the day. no wait. even during the night! and today, it's raining. it has been raining since 6am when my mother forced me out of bed because we were going to the hospital.

yesterday i got the test results from the urinalysis and blood and 3-organ ultrasound:

good news:
1. no cysts.

bad news:
1. the right side of my kidney is enlarged because of an infection.
2. i have signs of diabetes. if tests confirm that i do have diabetes, it's going to be the insulin dependent type. also meaning that i've had it since i was born. :(
3. there are stone formations.

of all sicknesses, i have the kidney problem and diabetes kind. well, the diabetes... i was kind of prepared for it because my mom has it and she's also insulin-dependent. but i was warned that i'd have it when i hit my thirties! not 20s! so that means no to sugar and salt. but i live on sugar and salt!!! i'm addicted to sugar and salt!!! NOOOOOO! so another round of tests tomorrow morning, batangas this weekend, then the doctor again next week. hay. wattasummer. i knew it. this is the worst summer i've had in years. haha. di naman siguro. that's why i hate the hospital. it always brings me bad news. or maybe not always but MOST OF THE TIME.

i'm hoping that the results of upcoming tests come out negative for diabetes. it's a hassle disease and high maintenance too! i'd rather nurse my heart problem (excercise and engage in sports) rather than maintain a healthy lifestyle being a diabetic. the complications are just horrendous.

so today i was back because the doctor wants to make sure. blood was extracted three times for three hours. they first made me drink an orange liquid that will help measure my glucose tolerance (or something like that). this test will help confirm or rule out diabetes.

and then there's the IVP which will be done tomorrow. i need to fast (yet again...) and go on a no-meat meal which started this afternoon. i can't eat anything solid too... just soup or lugaw. worst of all... i need to force myself to gulp down a bottle of castor OIL. ohmydear! OIL. i hate swallowing OIL.

good luck to me. batangas trip cancelled for now. i need to see the doctor first.

Desiderata (Max Erhmann)

Here's something to seriously digest and remember for the rest of your life. It's like the written rule of life (at least for me, it is). I memorized this in high school and as I was trying to memorize each paragraph, every single word stuck. I'm sure you've already come across this but for reminder's sake, let me refresh your memory.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

-Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Happy Birthday, Pops!

It's my father's birthday today. Although he is pretty far off from hitting the senior citizen's age, I still get sad during his birthdays because it is a reminder that my pops isn't getting any younger. But thank goodness he's still healthy. Slightly overweight but still healthy.

To 1/2 of the two people who matter the most, who guided me and taught me how to stand up after each fall, and to the person who believes in me despite my shortcomings...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PA!

We love you so much!

MI3 *tenenen...tenenen...tenenen!*

I'm not a Tom Cruise fan. Sure, I think he's hotter than the sun (HAHA!) like whoa! But I also think Tom Cruise is overrated especially with the TomKat hoopla going on. Anywho, I just saw the movie because my sister wanted to double date with Alej and I. So off to Shangri La we went because their cinemas are kick-ass with surround sound.

The movie was stellar! Brilliant! Superb! Considering that I did not see the prequels, I loved every minute of it! The effects were so cool that you wouldn't even notice that they're just effects-- computer generated. But they're so realistic that it'll actually bring out ooohs and aaaahs from your mouth. HAHA! So yeah, now I like Tom Cruise movies. Okay, okay. He deserves all the media attention and fans screaming like crazy because he's good looking, charming, good actor, and er... just HOT.

So go see MI3!!!

The Case of the Exes

I don't know about some of you girls out there but I don't like dealing with the exes of the person I am dating. Most especially if you have to argue your nerve out about certain things regarding the past. I think it is a common thing for a girlfriend to be paranoid about past girlfriends. I, for example, like asking questions about them flings or girlfriends or whatever men like to call them. I don't know why, sure, past is past but I seem to have the thirst to find out about people from the past. And yet ironically, once I get answers to my questions I get all bitchy and start tormenting my boyfriend. I don't run searches on Google, Friendster, or MySpace. Nor do I do any form of researching because I know whatever I'd find will only upset me. And you know what they say about things you don't know-- it won't kill you. Or something to that effect. I think feeling hatred towards an ex of a boyfriend is an act that is creepy and very psychotic, I know. But girls are like that. Maybe not all but some (and sadly, I am a part of them).

So when The Little Black Book showed on Star Movies this afternoon, I watched it immediately. I could so relate to Brittany Murphy's character, Grace. So yeah, I searched for the quotes on IMDB.com because I love the movie. Watch it! Catch it on Star Movies! It's about the present girlfriend dealing with the past girlfriends but sadly discovering something and finding herself in the process... chick flick but pretty interesting.

Some memorable lines...

Stacy: Perhaps luck exsists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and the peace that comes from knowing that you just cant know it all.

Stacy: Life's funny like that, once we let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.

Stacy: If we were to share our lives together, why didn't we share our lives together. I know you don't have to tell me everything Derek, but why wouldn't you want too? Unless there is someone else you are waiting for.

Joyce: A clean break is easier. You can reset it, and it heals, and you move on, but if you leave things messy, and things don't get put right, then it just hurts, forever .

Stacy: I believe we write our own stories and each time we think we know the end... we don't.

Ever watched a movie or read a book when a person speaks of thoughts you've had inside your head and suddenly you want to jump and throw your fist in the air to say, "YES! I feel the same way!". well, yeah. that was how i felt while watching the movie.

Watch it! It's a good movie. :)

And for exes, past is past. I don't believe in being friends with exes. That's bullshit because it's always awkward to be chummy-chummy with an ex. I'm not saying this because I am bitter in any way nor was I ever bitter. I just don't believe in friendship after a more-than-friends relationship. That goes to all of my past and all of his past. Wayyy too awkward. As a quote from an SMS message goes:

"If two people remain friends after
they break up with their relationship,
it only means two things:

1. they are still in love
or
2. they never were."

it started yesterday after my morning shower. i felt a sharp pain in my abdomen area-- not the kind women usually get when it's that time of the month. i dismissed it, thinking it might just be temporary but the pain continued nonstop the whole day. come nightime, it was as if i swallowed shards of broken glass and that sharp pain was uncomfortable. i slept it off when i got home hoping it would be gone by morning. when i woke up, nothing changed. the pain was still there, even worse. this morning i asked my mother to meet me at St. Luke's because the pain was already bothering me. hours later, were were walking around the hospital looking for a urologist or an obstetrician gynecologist (we didn't know what's wrong with my tummy). doctors were out of their clinics because there was a convention for doctors of some sort. yeah, i know! a hospital without available doctors. how weird!

the first doctor i went to was an Ob-Gyne. she only talked to me for ONE MINUTE! no exaggeration! my mother and i waited for two hours for her because she was in surgery and when she finally saw me she just signed for an ultrasound request! i was furious because she didn't even check how i was feeling and prescribe any painkillers. so my mother asked for another doctor instead. this time for a tummy doctor. the last one was better because he ordered all sorts of ultrasound tests for me including ultrasound for my fallopian tubes. plus, he prescribed painkillers (which do not work!).

i'm going back next week for the test results but i don't know if i can wait that long because my tummy is still in pain after two days non-stop and the drug isn't working AT ALL. here's hoping that the pain won't get any worse because it's uncomfortable.

sigh