LOST in civilization

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
fallen, sarah mclachlan

i can totally relate to this song. it's my mind speaking.

the past few weeks have been crazy. sometimes i want to just get everything over with so i can finally have peace of mind. i need to relax. i need someone to assure me that i'm going to be okay and that i can get things done and beat deadlines. i need to relax. i feel that i've been unproductive even if i've been juggling a lot of things already. i need to get too many things done in too little time. i've been lacking sleep. i'm in the verge of breaking down. maybe i should see a guidance counsellor?

God, i need help.

someone take the heavy weight off my chest. even tea won't relax me anymore. i stopped drinking green tea when i started getting used to sleepless nights. i need to rest. i need to rest... but i can't afford to rest because i have to work... i have to work...

God, i'm so lost.

and this is not the drama queen inside of me speaking... i really meant it when i said that i'm lost.
oh shit. now i want to cry. i don't think i'm as strong as i thought i once was. fuck.