the cluttered life

We all live in a cluttered mess. My room has boxes of it. They are remnants of my college days in stacks of photocopied readings and materials that I used while I was writing my thesis, boxes of bags that I no longer use, and clothes inside my closet that are old, I don't wear anymore, or I've already outgrown. My nursing books are on top of a sidetable and another stack of nursing material readings is also growing each time I attend class.

I want to devote one day to throw away stuff that I don't need but everytime I try to do that, I can't make myself throw away a lot of pesos worth of college reading materials. For the clothes and bags, I can pick out the ones that I can donate (it's almost Christmas!) just so others could make use of them instead of just sleeping inside my closet.

Our brains are also a cluttered mess evertime. We think about school, we think about work, we think about a lot of things. Even while we're asleep the brain never stops thinking! Material things, they're easy to clean. Just organize everything or give away the stuff you no longer need and you'll be clutter free. Easy breezey. But when the brain gets cluttered, there's no vacuum that can suck away all that clutter. NO EASY WAY. Sleep may provide temporary relief for the stressed but there's no EASY remedy for a cluttered brain. It's just complicated.

new soul living in a strange world

The decision to take my life really SLOW is the best decision I've had so far. It gave me time to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life, how my plans should be, and which career options to think about. It gave me more room to breathe, more room to take in what this world has to offer, and more room to feel that I am very blessed with every good or bad thing that were thrown my way.

Letting go of my fears gave me strength to face my future boldly too. Whenever I'm scared I ask myself this question: What would you do if you weren't afraid? This will really make you fierce, I tell you. TRIED AND TESTED. I mean really, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WEREN'T AFRAID? I have a long list of things to think about but like I said, I'm taking things slowly and I'm enjoying the ride.

Perhaps this is a non-conventional way of living the post-college life. But it's the best decision, I kid you not, because if I won't...ten years from now when I'm already an overworked grumpy I'd look back when I was young (LIKE THIS DAY) and say "I should've enjoyed every day of my life when I had the chance".

And it is but fitting to introduce the new song to the soundtrack of my life, New Soul by Yael Naim.

I loved loved loved this song the first time I heard it. And then last night while watching Ellen, they previewed the next episode featuring Yael Naim! That's the singer's name and the song is New Soul. It's apparently the new Macbook Air commercial song.

Here are the words to another song that I have added to the soundtrack of my life.
I love the lyrics to it.

_____________________________

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La, la, la, la (21x)
La, la, la, la (21x)

See I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake
But why all this hate? try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make

La, la, la, la (21x)
La, la, la, la (21x)

This is a happy end
Cause you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take you far away

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

New soul... (la, la, la, la,...)
In this very strange world...
Every possible mistake
Possible mistake
Every possible mistake
Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes...

____________________

My childhood best friend Esther (from way back DSY days) got married. I got her pretty pink and cream wedding invitation the other day. I was touched that she even thought of mailing me an invitation. Snail mails are still for the win, really. :) Congratulations, dear! I wish I were there. I thought she was going to be wed in Myanmar but it took place in Australia. GOSH, first wedding of a friend. Haha!

Myanmar was hit by a terrible cyclone over the weekend too. Death toll has reached 4000 and is expected to double. If it does, it will be the worst natural disaster to hit Asia since the Asian Tsunami that killed over a hundred thousand.

Please pray for the dead, the injured, and the thousands missing.

nth epiphany

Sometimes I feel as if there is too much Energy within me that's driving me to become my free spirited, go-getter self. It's a good thing, they say. But it's also scary because I'm afraid of waking up one day and realizing that there were so many things that I wanted to do but failed to go after.

The Energy is overwhelming. It sometimes drowns me in frustration for being stuck in the middle of some place where I don't want to be. It's like being stuck in a Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath)-- you can see everything out there from the inside but there's a lid that's suffocating you, immobilizing you from getting out of the jar. And I realized that the only "lid" that's covering my Jar is Fear. Fear from taking risks and fear of my worries of not wanting to explain myself to anyone who interferes with the decisions I make.

It's crazy, when you think about it. But maybe that's what's wrong...I think too much. Maybe I just have to live life the way I want to without worrying to much about The Others (a.k.a. people who don't matter, people who can't keep their criticisms to themselves).

"Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."