changes. how do you respond to changes? i'm not talking about just the big things but the small things as well. i've had a lot of changes in my life considering my growing up years when i moved around a lot. i changed schools and lived in different houses. within the 8 years i lived in Yangon, we moved to 3 different houses. when i got back home, there was a major change in environment, school, friends. i had to start all over. but i was a kid and kids respond to changes easier (in my case) because of how foreign the word "sentimentality" was to me.

so change is something not new to me.

but when you think about it, not all changes are easy to deal with. when i left Manila again and studied for 3 years in Abu Dhabi, i had to deal with change. again. but it was different because i adjusted really quick and made good friends there. more good memories were made in Abu Dhabi despite people's impression of it whenever i tell them where i went to high school. but when i came home 3 years later and studied senior year in a different high school, change came as a hard blow for me. consider a teenager well-adjusted in her secure environment enjoying school life and her friends in a country she came to love. then in one blow (although i was already conditioned before the move back home) everything changed. senior year. the worst year. the big move back to manila. i had to live through each day trying to adjust to the new school. it was senior year, for crying out loud. everyone's getting ready for graduation and the sentimentality... it was suffocating. everyone in my new school were reminiscing about their preschool days and all that i could do was stare at them blankly. i'd try to imagine myself being in their shoes because i did not share the same background and the bond as they shared with the rest of the batchmates. come graduation day, i was the only person who didn't cry like a baby after the ceremonies. all i ever did during senior year was pray for graduation to come so that i can step into college where everyone will start ALL OVER AGAIN just like me.

during that senior year, i came into a realization that i'm really not good at letting go of the past and welcoming change especially when the past was almost perfect that it seemed like a dream. i'm usually in a "stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it" (from U2's "Stuck in a Moment" song) situation. during class hours i'd find myself staring at the teacher ranting endlessly while my mind drifts off to what i left behind in my old school. to make things worse, my friends would call me overseas and i'd hear everyone's voices in the background. they'd tell me that classes just ended and i'd picture everyone hanging out in the dull classroom hanging out and doing what we usually did: HAVE FUN. but i dealt with it and i went through all that pain without a scratch. it was hard but everything worked themselves out after i've accepted that the past wasn't something to dwell on anymore and that i should be thankful that at least for a moment i got to experience what i had experienced. afterall, i did meet friends who would lateron return home for college and keep in touch with me.

then there were relationships (or pseudo relationships). these were the friendships that died too soon and relationships that ended. i used to dwell on the past a lot and think about the what-could-have-beens or the what-ifs. it was hard to ponder on regrets or imagine what would have happened if things worked out. i almost felt like a loser trying to cling on to what i lost and blame myself for not speaking my mind. but it's no use now, is it? so again, i had to deal with change. the change in my life like no one to text when i feel happy about something or when i feel bored and i needed to talk to someone. the change like no one's going to be willing to stay up with me during the wee hours of the morning ranting endlessly about nonsense that only he would listen to. the change that i can no longer look forward to vacations and saturday night dates.

but through all these, i realized that i do not have to suffer from "separation anxiety" anymore if only i focused on the good that came out of each change. "let go" are the two magic words to end my miseries on change. change doesn't have to be hard because there will be more, i'm sure. i also realized that change is also good especially if it is for the better. i guess we may never understand the mysterious ways of the world but we can move on and let ourselves grow from these changes. life is about changes, i guess.

i'd like to think that changes in my life would make me a better person just like what earthquakes can do to the earth's surface- people may perceive earthquakes to be disastrous but geologically, it helps shape the earth's surface and the planet actually benefits from these tectonic movements. so changes need not be a "disaster" afterall because no matter how shattering changes can be, it tests my strength and when i make it through, i become a stronger and better me.

i never thought my geology classes would come in handy when applied to life in general. Prof DLA would've been proud that i applied the geological theories to daily life.