thoughts of a senior

i demand an explanation from the UP admin (both from diliman and manila) why our classes have to start tomorrow. yes, tomorrow. a week ahead of all the other schools who went into their summer vacation TWO WEEKS before us! it's so unfair! i mourn for the death of summer. i can't even call my short vacation a "summer vacation" because i had so little time to go on out of town trips and actually go out and hang out with long lost friends. heck, i haven't even seen my high school friends yet! but as always, i do not have power to stop time although i woke up this morning with a heavy heart wanting to concoct a solution to my problem-- stop time and make tomorrow not come until two months or more.

so it's senior year. what can i expect? sometimes always, i have that inkling to crawl back to high school where i definitely belong. but wait. didn't i spend sleepless nights preparing for four exams in one day during exam week? call me a nerd but i did enjoy studying for exams because i knew i'd do well. then there was volleyball. i loved volleyball so much that sometimes i'd dream of it. i was called "bionic" in high school because i have a strong arm. sometimes too strong that it would go right out of the court. i loved tournaments too when my school's team and i would plan games to kick rival schools' asses. i miss hanging out with my classmates every friday where we'd either watch movies or go to the beach. i miss our free time when our teachers would not come to class. the girls and i would sneak out and buy Nesquick popsicles in the little store we call the "cafeteria". there was a promo before and we'd squeal in delight when we see a "free Nesquick popsicle" text printed on the popsicle stick. little things made us happy and we were happy in our small nutshell called "school" back in sunny side Emirates.

in senior year, i had to move back. i felt uneasy in my new school. everyone was accomodating but i still did not feel at home, save for some friends with whom i thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with. the writing stints made me happy too like the journalism congress and the district press conference where Ina and i were partners in crime. we'd always bag first or second place HAHA! and those two always interchange like she'd be first and i'd be second. another time i'd be first and she'd be second. then there was the speech olympics! this was a memorable experience for me because i had no experience in extemporaneous speech but my speech teacher insisted that i joined. i prepared a long speech and it was organized and all. i memorized it for half a day and when my turn finally came to render it to the judges during the elimination round... my mind went TOTALLY BLANK. everything was a blur from there but i do remember my brain thinking so fast and then my mouth took over. i ranted and ranted thinking of the things i read in the paper and watched from the news. when i saw my speech teacher outside the room, i hugged and cried her after and i kept apologizing how i screwed up. hours later... guess what? I WON FIRST PLACE! HAHAHA! but that was during the semi-finals. when the finals came... the stars weren't on my side. but still... the experience was something else!

college is a different story. you'll never know your fate until that terror of a thin notebook they call the "blue book" where exams are written and on judgement day, scores are scribbled in bloody red ink. that always gives me a heart attack especially if my scores are not what i expected them to be. then there are nights when i'd give up sleep and answer exams like a zombie. sometimes my efforts are fruitful and sometimes not. but i've learned that i can't always win. reality slapped that on my face and it's all good because i've grown, you know. i've learned so many things from the past years in college and i'm still enthusiastic to learn more.

i can't believe that it has been three years since that freshman orientation day. i was wide-eyed, enthusiastic, nauseous, and giddy. i met my college friends during my first day. i laughed with them, i hanged out with them, i shared stories with them in freshman year like we've been together since high school. time flies by so fast that it scares me. i don't know whether to be happy about how fast time flies or be sad about it because soon i will look back on these days and miss my being young.

one thing's for sure... SEIZE THE DAY, incoming freshies! while it's good to concentrate on studies... don't forget to have fun too. kick back and relax once in a while and don't be scared when you fall flat on your face. you can't always win (like my dad said...) and take it as a chance for self-improvement.

as for me, i hope one day i will look back on college life with a smile on my face and be proud of what i went through. i hope one day i will realize that everything was worth it afterall and i can be thankful for everything. i hope you will be too!

so okay. i'll go on ahead to school tomorrow... i'll swallow reality because i have no choice. this school year might pass as swiftly as the past years went and it might not be too bad afterall.