of phony bastards

you know Holden was right when he talked about phony bastards. people can put on a strong facade of sincerity and fool people into believing that they're something else, that they're truely genuine people when they aren't exactly what they perceive to be.

i'm not in a fit of angst right now. i was just thinking about it. i think everyone has a phony bastard inside of them. don't you ever find yourself smiling or being nice to a person whom you despise? i have. it's not because i'm plastic. i'm just too chicken to show how pissed off i am. that's the phony bastard in me. i know i should show the person what i really feel about him/her but that's just me. i'd rather be nice than have that person as an enemy. i am a people-person and people-people don't make enemies.

on the lighter note, a load was lifted off my shoulder. my best friend was a bit off since last week. she was kind of avoiding me and Jilian. it was weird but we dared not ask her what was wrong because she seemed to be so out of the mood. a lot of thoughts ran through my mind. at one point i got a little pissed off because i'd rather have a person say what's really happening than treating me like i don't exist. at all.

then today i went to her journal and she posted what was going on there. turned out that she has this big problem that she's not ready to share with us, her best friends, yet. she needs time to straighten things out alone so yes, i felt guilty after reading that because i sort of judged her when she was off.

i hope everything goes well for her.

i'm glad it wasn't what i thought because i thought she was drifting away and a lot of presumptions ran through my mind.

she's not a pseudo friend and a phony bastard, afterall.