pusong mamon

i'm tired. what a long day. i finally got to watch the Excorcism of Emily Rose. i liked it, really. nevermind if it's not really based on a true story. i like it still.

i realized just tonight how i am so sensitive. i mean i cry A LOT. i cry EASILY. i cry when i'm too happy. i cry when i'm too sad. i cry over other people's woes. i get sad over other people's problems. i feel what people feel-- like i have this ability to feel what they're feeling right at the very moment when they begin to feel it. i don't know if being over-sensitive it good. it kills me, you know because my heart gets broken easily when i see people suffering (hypocrisy aside), when people are sad, or when people are bothered by something and i can't help them. it's like a burden to me.

there was this one time when i was watching the history of the Olympics on Discovery Channel. while i was talking to Mitchie about it, i cried. not cry as in bawl but cry as in tears filled my eyes. then just this weekend there was the openning of the SEA Games that we are hosting. i choked back tears when i watched the opening because it's... i don't know... magical, i guess? to have that much countries set aside their differences to get together for one event. that alone is amazing.

there was one time when i cried over Columbine's martyr, Rachel Scott. my friend had a book-- the published journal of Rachel entitled Rachel Smiles. and her journal entries made me cry, her life, and the thought of high school students being shot to dead was too horrible to bear.

then there was a time when i cried one morning in high school. in my school in Abu Dhabi, each time a student celebrates his/her birthday, she/he goes up the stage while the ENTIRE school sings the birthday song in Arabic. so there was this little kid from kindergarten, Patrick. Jane, Jern, Raiza, and i liked pinching little Patrick's cheek, by the way. so it was his birthday that morning and when the entire school started singing the birthday song for him, his mouth formed an inverted smile and started to cry. he slowly started crying and i cried by just WATCHING him cry. it was so weird but then again, nothing's weird when you get used to it.

so yeah. the list goes on. ask around. i cry easily. when i tell stories, i cry. grr. it's like my eyes are uncontrollable faucets ready to be turned on anytime. i don't even think it is ever turned off.

a friend of my parents said that being sensitive is a gift for me because i am able to feel what others are feeling. i am sensitive to what they feel, therefore i become less selfish. i'd like to think that and maybe someday i can put this gift into good use. maybe i will be motivated by what's happening around me-- to act on that and reap good results by my doing so. besides, i have long ago accepted that one of my missions in life is to make as many souls as happy as i can. so being sensitive must be good, right?

“For whatever reason, God has blessed me with the ability, put me in a position to make these leaps and bounds. I'm fulfilling my part of the bargain, which is to give back and be a positive influence on others.” -Denzel Washington

i knew i picked the right crush! HAHA! but you know, i am fully aware that we all can't be saints (He knows i'm no saint). however, we are all given chances to be positive influences on others and to be the best person we can be. be not afraid because even if we fail, in the end we can say "at least we gave it a try."