i get hurt too, you know

i've been awake since 8 this morning. that's how screwed up my biological clock is. i'm so used to waking up early now. first semester of junior year officially ended yesterday. hello, hell week until the 13th. i can't wait till sembreak, that i am sure of. i like school minus the stress.

yesterday i was hurt and angry inside. my ears felt like it was steaming but i shut up because i've never been too outspoken about what i really feel even if people are already stepping on me. pathetic, huh? so it got me thinking. i really hate people who make you feel like shit tactlessly. or maybe they're completely aware of it but they make it sound like they're not hurting you, like it's normal. i know, i'm not supposed to say this but it's my blog and i'll say what i want. plus, it's about time i went out in the open so that maybe some of you will try to think about it. i doubt that anyone cares about what i write here anymore anyway.

like i was saying, it still amazes me how people can hurt you in ways you can never imagine. what sucks more is that they can hurt you in "indirect" ways. remember Holden from "Catcher in the Rye"? he said that it kills him when people try to hurt or insult you. it kills him more whenever people say it in a nice way, you know, as if what they're saying doesn't hurt? i hate that too. Holden is my hero because we're similar in many ways. that's sad, isn't it? i feel like i'm compatible with a lot of characters from books. there should be some magic spell to make these characters come to life. wouldn't it be a happy world? by then no one will ever be alone again. not that i'm alone. i have so-called friends too, you know.

i'm not angst-ridden right now. i just feel like crap. maybe it's also partly my fault because i let them make me feel this way. so what now? i should hate myself? no. i won't let them. let them live their own pathetic lives and let them choke on their cups of sarcasm.

if i ever hurt anyone of you by being tactless, this is my chance to say i'm sorry. from this day on i will try not to speak negative thoughts about people because it's these negative thoughts that turn into words that break people. er, i hope you got that. it's such a sick sad world to live in when people think too highly of themselves without realizing that they're already stepping on the toes of other people (who have feelings too).

enough said.