to be or not to be NORMAL

my sister was browsing a Friendster profile of one of her philo professors. when i read the profile, i was like "WOW!". i like the way he thinks. i wanted to message him but he might get freaked out. i'm like a crazy fan girl worshipping the mind of some stranger i don't know. but judging by the little details my sister shared, all i can say is that this professor has a brilliant mind.

it's not just his take on education that's alarming. it's the way he perceives life. this brings me to my next topic...

ever since i can remember i've always wanted to become normal. to fit in. to stand out in the crowd. to stick to the rules without questions asked. i breezed through high school (fortunately) without even trying to fit in. but when i think about it, i think it was because i went with the flow, followed the rules, won my battles & came out as a winner.

high school was this battle ground for adolescents in which they struggle each day to be themselves. when i hear or read about angst-ridden rants of teenagers these days, i just smile. they fuss about what brand of clothes to wear, where to hang out to fit in, to smoke or not to smoke (not that i have anything about it.. it's smoking to seem cool that bothers me) & little things such as insecurities because they let media dictate what's admirable & what's not. i've been there. done that. although my life was on track, i still cried tears that were not meant to be shed-- i hated myself for having zit break-outs, worried because i was skinny & scrawny (IN HIGH SCHOOL), stressed over grades & which university to go to... the list goes on. i want to tell these teenagers that it's just angst-- that it shall pass & years from now they'll laugh because they let society dictate what's right from wrong, what's desirable from what's not, & the like.

i am a walking contradiction of what i used to believe years ago. i was close-minded to other people's opinions. what i thought was right was all that mattered & the right thing was what i did. but now i think...the right thing? what is the definition of right? society dictates what's right or wrong. so do i go with the flow or detach myself from norms?

here are some of the hits from dictionary.com on "right":

right
adj. right er, right est
Conforming with or conformable to justice, law, or morality: do the right thing and confess.
In accordance with fact, reason, or truth; correct: the right answer.
Fitting, proper, or appropriate: It is not right to leave the party without saying goodbye.
Most favorable, desirable, or convenient: the right time to act.

if being normal means living life like a puppet- with strings attached dictating my every move & how i live, i realize that i don't want to be normal anymore. of course, i still want to do things that are acceptable but i'm already skeptical about it. like i'm lost again. i no longer believe that i should do certain things because that's what i'm supposed to be doing. i don't want to be tied to norms nor do i want to stereotype people any longer. what may be right for others may not be right for some so obviously, what may be wrong for others may not be wrong for some.

i hate it when people are quick to judge & quick to impose on others what they believe is right. where did freedom to be oneself go? people should have enough room to grow as individuals, to explore the great unknown, & learn from this great journey we call LIFE. it is ok to guide people but never to impose.

i realized that how i'm living now... all my beliefs & what i used to believe made me a better person because i've been to both sides of the fence. i know what it's like to follow the rules. i also know what it's like to close the book of rules for a while & feel how liberating it is to open my mind because it's surprising how i discovered that not all things that i thought were RIGHT was RIGHT all along.