healthy living from now on?

i miss being active. i used to be active in sports during my high school days. after watching Million Dollar Baby on dvd last night and the other half of it this morning, i miss being fit. i used to wonder why i was skinny in high school. now i know. i used to be active in volleyball. i was even told that i was good at it. every saturday was spent training in the morning. i didn't mind waking up at 7am in the morning because i was always enthusiastic to play. it gave me a different feeling whenever i'm in the court. it's unexplainable. the adrenaline rush, the nervousness, the excitement. everything added up to sheer pleasure even if i'd pant like a thirsty dog when my throat would get so dry. i could finish a huge bottle of water during a game.

i told my sister that we should go ahead with our badminton plan. all i have to do is buy my own racket so we could start playing already. badminton courts have sprung out of nowhere and are now scattered all over this side of the city. or... i can go running at the Amoranto Sports Complex where they have an oval there. there's also UP Diliman on weekends but i'd have to go on mornings. i think i'll stick to Amoranto because i had an ex blockmate who went running there on afternoons.

i miss the feel of sweat... of exhaustion. the kind when you'd push your body to the limits and see how far you'd go physically. the last time i felt this kind of exhaustion was during that Palawan 4-hour trek just to see the Subterranean River Park. bad weather left us with no choice but to trek to the cave when we could have gone by boat and it would have taken us only 40 minutes instead of two hours on the way and another two hours to get back.

i want to go running. all i need now is a sturdy pair of trainers and sweats and i'm good to go! :) i just hope either my sister of my father is going to be willing to drive me the oval.

i've gained weight compared to my high school days. most of the people i know tell me that being stick thin didn't suit me and that i should not lose weight. my body has matured since then and it filled out giving me curves. i don't like having curves because i'm (ahem) conservative. i don't like people looking at me or men giving cat calls because i hate it. plus, i've gained unwanted fats which i did not ask for. ironically, i used to force myself to eat eat and eat in high school because i felt too thin. actually, I WAS TOO THIN. daivy even told me that i could eat a whole cow and not gain weight! in my too successful attempt to gain weight, i overdid it, i guess. because i feel heavy now. even if i ate more in high school, i seem to gain weight easier now. which is unfair, you know. i must lose weight.

it's even a surprise that the 10 bars of Lindt chocolate (in different variations!) and more than 5 long bars of Toblerone chocolate are still in the refrigirator for months now. i think it will remain there longer now that i've come to a conclusion that i'm going to live a healthy life from now on.

cut out caffeine (WHAT?!???). cut out sugar. cut out carbs. cut out oily food. cut out junk.

shit. will i still be able to eat?